Monday, October 31, 2005

Both Videos at 6

Both Videos at 6
Originally uploaded by mlehet.
How Creepy.....

I went to my You Tube account today to see how my movies are doing.

I have two up there, one is me dancing like a fool and the other is one I made of NYC.

In the 1930's a photographer took all these photographs of NYC. Then in the 90's another guy went through and re-created all of the photographs to compare the Change of NYC over time.

So, my NY Movie was at 66 views, and my dancing movie was at 666.

How creepy is that, on Halloween it was all 6's.......oooohhhhhh

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Halloween 2005

Halloween 2005
Originally uploaded by mlehet.

Ok, this is what you've all been waiting for.

Last night was The Big Night in every gay boys life, The First Halloween Party.

The Boyfriend came over early, we got all of our costumes together, had our makeup laid out and jumped right into it.

We had a bit of a problem with the fake eyelashes and the tights were really tight, but we finally pulled it all together.

We ended up not going to the Work Party but instead going to a "Bear Party."

What's a Bear Party? Well imagine a whole bunch of big hairy guys running around in little to nothing and the whole party being one shirt away from an orgy, that's a Bear Party.

When we walked in, they ACTUALLY knew who I was supposed to be, which was hilarious. I thought people would have no idea.....they didn't get The Boyfriend, they thought that he was Carrie Donovan (that lady from the Old Navy commercials).

I think we looked tragic, but that was half of the fun.

We were the only boys in dresses, which made us pretty popular in fact!

So after weeks of preparation and shopping it is now all over, why do good things need to come to an end?

Oh wait, this doesn't really need to end, that's the great thing about being a Gay Boy, it can be Halloween EVERY WEEKEND!

Check out all of the pictures on Flickr

Friday, October 28, 2005

Is he making a grilled cheese?

Is he making a grilled cheese?
Originally uploaded by mlehet.
I don't typically look at the spam email I get every day, but for some reason I clicked on the link to one.

This was one of the pictures in his "collection" Which got me to thinking, he's really not that smart.

He's naked and making a grilled cheese?!?

HELLO, that is almost the stupidest thing to do when your naked, bacon is the totally wrong thing to cook when you're naked.

But seriously, oh wait, he's enticing people with pictures of himself naked making a grilled cheese, he's not serious.

I thought I would share, and I hope to god that poor thing ate that sammich, that or else he just pushed it around the plate and made fun of it. Poor sammich.

Peeing in the Street

Going on the Street
Originally uploaded by mlehet.
Someone sent me this picture in an email today of "strange toilets from around the world."

Does anyone know where this could be?

I want to know so that I don't mistakenly go there.

I have a hard enough time peeing in the urinal at Wrigley Field, there would be NO WAY in the world that I would be able to stand in the middle of the street and pee.

I'm shrinking just thinking about it!

I wonder what the girls get?

Happy Anniversary

Happy Anniversary
Originally uploaded by mlehet.
Today is the Anniversary of the Dedication of the Statue of Liberty.

She is located on Liberty Island in the Harbor. The Statue of Liberty was a gift from the people of France to the people of the United States. The Statue of Liberty was dedicated on this date in 1886 and was designated a National Monument on October 15, 1924. The Statue was extensively restored in time for her centennial on July 4, 1986.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Fast Credits

I was just flipping the channels and I ended on Entertainment Tonight, I'm not a big watcher of these celebrity follow-along shows, because honestly I could care less what celebrity is doing what with whom in the porta potty (Paris Hilton in case you were wondering, she's a ho), but I'm going off track.

It was the very end of the show, you know the part when the credits go by. Now I must say, I've seen a lot of credits roll by over the years. Movies are nice and slow so you can read everything. First run TV shows are moderate that you can catch every third person, syndicated is a bit so you catch every 5th one.

But the ones on Entertainment Tonight, there was on physical way that you could read ANY of those credits, now I'm sure if you were taping it and did it in slo-mo you'd be able to read them, but physically there was no way.

Until, you got to the parts that told you who supplied the Hosts clothes and jewelry, I had NO PROBLEM reading them.

Which makes me think that Entertainment Tonight doesn't care about any of the people that work on their show, they don't care enough to give them credit that is due. BUT, like America, they pay homage to the Big Corporations and the sponsors, screw the people that do the job, let's thank the people that give us free clothes.

***UPDATED - After a comment from Magpie****

I read an article earlier this week where it was stated that in The UK Product placement, in which companies supply props and other considerations in exchange for publicity, is illegal and is banned by the BBC.

Unlike the US where a sponsor gives a producer $5 and they're plastered all over the place.

Furry Collars and Furry Cleavage

When I was at the $$$ Store making my Halloween purchases, one of the things I got for The Boyfriend (besides eye shadow) was a little fleece "coat" with leopard fur trim on the arms and the collars, it was $10 I spend more than that on a round of cocktails.

As I was waiting in line to checkout the woman behind me, who was of European Descent and spoke with an accent, said:

"oohhh, des is leek mine"

Yep, she was wearing the same coat

"I get here, I like very much, very cute"

I really didn't want to burst this ladies bubble and tell her this was a Halloween present for me. I mean that would have just been mean, so I thought it was better that she thought I was being a good boyfriend/husband and buying my girlfriend/wife something nice to wear. I just hope to god she's not using me as an example to her husband "Why don't you buy me nice things? There was this nice clean shaven boy at the store today buying all sorts of things for his wife, braws and panties, coats he even buys her makeup for her. Why don't you buy me anything?"

Oh god, I hope that doesn't happen.

Oh yeah, I'm gonna have furry cleavage, I'm not shaving down there (and by down there I mean North of the Navel, I already had my Brazilian Wax for Bush earlier this week thanks to Veggie

Getting Ready for Halloween - The Braw

One of the final pieces.

Tomorrow is the day so I'll post the completed product on Saturday!

All I could find at the $$ Store was a 44D so it looks as though I'm gonna have some big ones!

This was actually a Braw/Panty set, but I'm not wearing the panties, I'll have to save those for another time : -)

I got The Boyfriend a set too, and both of us an "overcoat" so I'm sure the black girl at the $$ Store is just thinking I'm in to big women with big boobs....oh well!

Go White Sox Go!

What kind of Chicago Resident would I be if I didn't give a Southside Shout-Out to the White Sox for their wonderful performance over the last week to cinch the title of 2005 World Series!

Go White Sox!

Ok, now that I'm done with that, I have a few questions:

- How can they say they're the "World" Series Champions, the only teams that they played that weren't American were a few Canadian Teams, they didn't play any teams from Romania, Russia, China or even Japan?

If they didn't play any international Teams how can they say they're World Champions, isn't that wrong?

They can't even say they're North American Champions, because they didn't play any teams from Mexico, so I think really they're Middle and Upper North American Champions, right?

But I do want to say Congrats to the Team they deserve it after 88 years of sucking so badly it's nice to see them win.

And to believe they won the last game with only one touchdown! Whoo Hoo!

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Getting Ready for Halloween - The Full Monty

The Full Monty
Originally uploaded by mlehet.
Here I am completely void of facial hair (minus the eyebrows, those are NOT coming off).

Honestly I can't remember the last time I had no facial hair. I've vacilated between stache and stache w/ goatee over the years but it's been A LONG time since it's been no stache and no goatee.

But it will grow back (I Hope) and it is for a good cause!

What Classic Movie Are You?

I stole this from LuLu who in turn stole it from Filanm

I am SO Norma Desmond, I think she'll be Halloween Next Year...


My favorite is when Carol Burnett did her with Harvey Korman as Max....even better was when she was Scarlett O'Hara and she her dress was made out of curtains and she still had the curtain rod : -)

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Getting Ready for Halloween - Leggings

I found a great pair of leggings at the costume shop over the weekend

They look really small, compared to my hand

They must be made of some pretty stretchy shit if they're gonna fit over my fat ass

Notice how the stripes end about mid-thigh, that's as high as I could get them...I'm gonna be waddling!

Big News

So my Big News:

I met The Boyfriends Ex-Wife last night.

His twin brother was in town with his girlfriend visiting with his Mother and they invited us over for dinner.

I had no idea that his Ex-Wife was going to be it was initiation by fire.

I don't think she knew I was going to be there (as I didn't know she was going to be there) but she seems very nice, but I wonder what was going through her mind......

The Boyfriend and The Ex have a good relationship because of their son. The Boyfriend picks The Son up almost every day to take him to/from school and spends a lot of time (during the week and weekends) with him, but I just wonder what she thinks about me.

Plus I looked like shit last night, had I known we were going to meet I would have at least put on a nicer shirt.......oh well.

So I have officially met the entire Boyfriend Family (Mom, Brother, Son and Ex-Wife) I guess I'm in the thick of it now : -)

Monday, October 24, 2005

B I G News

I just got home and I'm bushed, but wanted to let you know about something big that happened this evening.

I'll post more tomorrow when I have some time at work

Getting Ready for Halloween - Shaving

Now I wouldn't be a very convincing Drag Queen with facial hair would I? Since this is the first official drag queen incident, we have decided that we're going to shave and do it as close to right as we can, we're still gonna be scary though.

Here's Michael getting ready to take the clippers to his face.

He couldn't shave it all off to start with, he doesn't want to be naked all this week.

A New Movie

Here's a new movie I've created and posted, take a look if you have a few minutes, if you'd like to see my other movie you can check it out at this link

***UPDATED*** I thought I should come back here and give you a little information on this movie. In the 1930's a famous photographer took hundreds, if not thousands of pictures of NYC. Showing everything from factories to tenement houses to stores, bakerys, etc. Fast Forward to the 1990's when another photographer recreated those exact same photographs, even down to the same time of year and time of day if necessary. It's amazing to see how NYC as a city has changed, but at the same time has remained fairly constant over the last 60+ years. I hope that you enjoy it.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Getting Ready for Halloween - The Shoes

Originally uploaded by mlehet.
I just found these shoes at Target this morning. You've got to love the Red Dot Boutique.

They were only $9, and not bad because they are "Hello Kitty"

The great thing about these shoes is that there is no left or right, both shoes are exactly the same, a little odd!

Friday, October 21, 2005

Getting Ready for Halloween - Hot Pants

Originally uploaded by mlehet.
Here's part two of my costume.

I got these at Family Dollar for $8.00 It's nice to know that woman's XL is big on me.

I especially love the belt on these pants, depending on how fat you are, that little butterfly in the front goes up and down.

I'm gonna see how high I can get it!


Uh oh, I just realized that yesterday I used pussy in a post and now boobies, I just need to work a penis in there somewhere and I’ve got all the genitalia there is.  I bet that I’m gonna get some really pissed off perverts over the next few weeks when they enter their search and end up here……..uh oh.

Seriously though, I need some help, I need a bra.  But I don’t know what size to get!
It wasn’t until I was over at the Family Dollar store getting a few more things for Halloween when I realized, I didn’t have a bra.  How was I planning on holding up my voluptuousness?

I figure that I’m a 42R in a suit, so does that mean I need a bra that’s 42”  Hell if that’s how you do it, I’m stacked and I haven’t even started doing anything yet!

I bought a beautiful pair of 2XL Stretch Pants (to wear under my dress) and I got a hot Orange knit top to wear under my sundress, I’m gonna be out there.  I also got several pairs of pantyhose, but I think I just got stockings because there was no mention of a cotton padded crotch, is that difference?

I was going to ask the girl at the store to help me pick out a bra, but I figured it was better if she just thought I had a fat girlfriend with really bad taste and huge thighs.

HELP!!!!!!  I can’t ask my Mom, we’re close but not that close!

My girlfriend who lives in Tulsa

Ok, not really as I don't have a girlfriend, but apparently the folks in Tulsa have no other news to report than this: LINK

Someone bought a used (now that's the keyword in this sentence) memory card for their PSP and lo and behold it had something on it already. Can you believe that? A used memory card that might have something on it....well it was pron!

Allegedly a wife bought a used PSP Memory Card for her husband (because it's cheaper she said, but it's probably because they had run out of their welfare money for the month), and when the plugged it into thier PSP they watched pron, at least 3 episodes.

Ok folks, get over it, delete it, move on...don't call the TV station and say "OMG I'm so offended I bought this thing, I can't trace it back to anyone, but my neighbors child may have been traumatized if they had stolen this package from the UPS driver and actually used it, you've got to do something."

MOVE ON's pron, big deal! Delete it and get a life. Well I guess I could get a life too since I'm sitting here writing about it : -)

Hey, Happy Friday!

Thursday, October 20, 2005

The Simpsons

The Simpsons
Originally uploaded by mlehet.
Fall is in the air, you can totally feel it. The air is crisp, the leaves are starting to fall and there's a slight breeze blowing all of the trash around, ahhhh the city.

So I just got a call from a Telemarketer, I think I was the poor boy's first call.

I said hello, he asked to speak to me, I said I wasn't home can I take a message......pause......I say hello, he asks to speak to me (again) and I say can I take a message.....pause....(hand over the phone)can I go home now....I hang up.

Although I should have hung on the line who knows what else would have happened.

Getting ready for Halloween

Getting ready for Halloween
Originally uploaded by mlehet.
I figured that I had better make sure all of the "pieces" of my halloween costume work before I try to do it all in one day.

So here's me in my wig.

Don't worry, I'm gonna shave.

Keep an eye out for the next piece of the costume.

the beach is for lovers

Is this not the nastiest thing you've ever seen?

Oh by the way if you're offended you should have closed your eyes.

Pussy Thursday

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

The NRA wants me.

Dear NRA,

Yesterday in the mail I received my "2005 National Gun Owner's Action Survey", I'd like to say Thank You for sending me this because I can now see how biased your organization is.

First of all, how did you get my name and address? I'm a city dwelling homosexual, do you really think that I own a rifle? I swear I'm gonna tell Reader's Digest to stop selling my name.

I really like the way that you worded some of the questions, just enough to get people riled up.

1) Do you agree that the 2nd amendment of our US Constituation guarantess your individual right to own a gun? - Well if you think that then give me a gun for free. Plus, weren't we at war with England when the Constitution was written, didn't we need to defend ourselves?

7) Do you agree with certain government officials who want to ban hunting on public lands? - Who ARE these "certain" government officials, is it a town council member in podunk or is it a congressman? Why can't you tell us who these "certain" government officals are?

8) Do you believe that gun owners should be required to submit to "safety training" by government bureaucrats before they're allowed to exercise their 2nd amendment right to keep and bear arms. - Oh I see, you'd rather have uninformed people handling guns, yeah that's smart. The same type who send you $30 a year to be members of your organization.

9) Do you think law-abiding gun owners like yourself are...I'm gonna stop there, how do you know I'm law-abiding? Are you keeping records of your own? You must be!

14) Will you join the NRA today? - Thank you, no, I'll decline.

Oh, and here was the best part:

Contributions, gifts or membership dues made or paid to the National Rifle Association of America are not refundable or transferable and are not deductible as charitable contributions for Federal income tax purposes.

So, once you join, your a member whether you like it or not cuz you're not getting your money back.....and you can't deduct it because it's not a non-profit organization like the Red Cross.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

A Man of the Cloth

Well, it's offical. I'm now a Minister, in fact I'm an ordained Reverend.

Can you believe it?

To celebrate my achievement I've registered at Target & Wal-Mart so please go buy me some congratulatory presents!

No really, I am an ordained Minister now so if you want to get married or anything just let me know. I'm sure I can think of something to say on your most sacred and happy of days other than "Alrighty then, you can kiss the bitch."

If you too would like to become an ordained minister check out this link

Monday, October 17, 2005


Or how to tell that you’re an old queen.

This didn’t happen to me, but I am hearing it from the person that it happened to….so it’s not like my mother’s brother’s wife’s 2nd cousin’s next door neighbor or anything.

Halloween is coming up so we’ve decided or talked about dressing up this year. I know you’ll find it hard to believe….but we’re gonna do drag.

But the thing you need to know….neither one of us have done drag before! I did play dress-up a few years ago, but I only had a wig on (which gave me a rash) so that doesn’t really count.

The Boyfriend has a fascination with Tiffany’s. That’s Tiffany the jewelry, not the Tiffany that was the pop music diva of the late 80’s.

He loves anything Tiffany, he’s got many pieces of their jewelry and he loves Audrey Hepburn because “nothing bad can ever happen at Tiffany’s” Hint: Breakfast at Tiffany’s.

So The Boyfriend decided that he’s going to dress up as Holly Golightly.

He stopped at a store yesterday on his way home from work to look for some shoes, here was his conversation with the clerk:

The Boyfriend: Hi I’m looking for some Women’s shoes?
The Clerk: Oh are you dressing up for Halloween?
B: No (with a quizzical look on his face) why?
C: (embarrassed) oh, no reason.
B: Yes I am dressing up for Halloween
C: Right this way Sir!
C: So what are you doing for Halloween?
B: I’m going to be Holly Golightly.
C: Who?
B: Breakfast at Tiffany’s?
C: You mean like the song from Deep Blue Something?
B: No, like the movie, with Audrey Hepburn
C: Who?
B: THE Audrey Hepburn
C: I don’t know who that is
B: Could I see these and these in a size 13 please?
C: Right away sir.
C: Here you go sir, my you have big feet for a petite girl like Audrey Hepburn (Ok, The Clerk didn’t really say that I added it myself)
C: Audrey Hepburn, wasn’t she in that movie with that Fonda guy.
B: I’m not sure what one you’re talking about.
C: On Golden Pond
B: No, that was KATHERINE Hepburn
C: Oh, that’s not the same person?
B: No, that’s not the same person
C: Are they sisters?
B: No, they’re not sisters. These are too tight with socks on can I get a size 14?

Based on this conversation you can see how easily the gay youth have slipped away from their roots, how far they’ve gone from knowing their history. It’s terrible when kids nowadays say “Oh yeah I love classic movies like Jaws and ET those are my favorites.” CLASSICS? Jaws (I’m sorry I’m about to say this) is not a CLASSIC in the term of a Classic! Movies made in the last 30 years are NOT Classics (not yet at least).

Oh and in case you were wondering, I’m going as Miss Swan for Halloween.

It happens every year around this time

Well this weekend was the beginning of the start of the end of summer.

We had a beautiful weekend, it was in the 70's the sun was shining and there were no harsh breezes, it was a beautiful day to be out and about.....I took as much advantage of it as I could because I knew that we wouldn't have many days like this left, but alas there are things that need to be done.

Earlier this year I repotted my plants and moved them out onto the back porch for the summer, they LOVED IT. My Ponytail Palm grew more in one summer than it has over the last 10 years that I've owned it.

You read that correctly, 10 years. I actually have a ficus tree that my parents bought me in 1990. A few of my plants I've had for at least 5 to 8 years, and I've got a few that are only 3 years old.

Since they were outside I knew that it was time to move them in, the last thing I wanted to see after all of their fast growing was to be cute down in the prime of their life by frost. So the plants got the big move into the house (which meant that the other plants had to get re-arranged as well.) They are safely now located in their new winter home, a south facing window with two views to the out of doors.

The AC was pulled from the window and is now acting as a plant stand too. I live on the 3rd floor and we had a bitch of a time getting that AC up the first year I got it that there was no way I was carrying it back down to put in the basement.

But the true telling of the season is the fact that this past Saturday at 6:30 am......the radiator started it's annual hiss and whistle festival. Posted by Picasa

Friday, October 14, 2005

From an A to C, Part Deux

First of all, a guy would NEVER ever ask someone in the next stall for some toilet paper. We would never let someone else know that we were in a vulnerable position like that, instead we would take any paper (including money) that we had on us and use that instead. Don't believe me, ask your spouse/boyfriend/partner what they would do?

So it ended up there were 131 passengers on the flight (for 137 seats), I took my place at the end of the C line, I knew I was in the end so I felt no reason to start standing in line 45 minutes before the plane started boarding.

That's the funny thing about Southwest customers, they'll checkin online so they have an A Boarding Pass and they'll get to the airport 3 hours early and then stand in line for an hour just to make sure they're one of the first 10 people on the plane. In fact yesterday, I saw several elderly folks STANDING in line for about 45 minutes, that's a bit ridiculous folks.

While I was standing in line, the guys in front of me and the guy behind me started talking about Baseball....specifically the White Sox (Hey we were traveling to Chicago I should have known it was going to come up). So I took everyone's advice and just kept my mouth shut and used open ended questions to keep the conversation going and away from me. That was until they asked me who my favorite player was. At that point I fell on the floor and started convulsing so they just stepped over me and got on the plane.

By the time we got on the plane, it was true there were not a lot of seats left. I had a choice of sitting in any middle seat I wanted, it was either next to the lady that was already wearing a surgical mask, the guy who had his laptop and other electronics already splayed out, the lady with two kids (one in a seat and one on her lap). I continued to the back of the plane and chose a seat between a middle-aged guy and a youngish girl.

And I didn't even get an armrest! What's up with these people who already have one armrest all to themselves that feel they should get control of the "shared" armrest. I sat for two hours with my arms crossed like I was lying in a casket!

But at least I didn't have to touch anyone!

Thursday, October 13, 2005

From an A to C

Wow that happened so quickly I didn’t know what was happening.

I’m flying Southwest, and if you’ve ever flown them before you’re probably intimately familiar with their “open seating plan”

If you’re not, basically instead of assigning you a seat like 23A you get a boarding Letter either A, B or C and when you get on the plane you can sit ANYWHERE you want.

I was supposed to fly out at 7:50 pm this evening so when I checked in my boarding pass said I was a lucky recipient of the Letter A. But I wanted to get home earlier so I actually got onto an earlier flight (almost 3 hours earlier) and suddenly became a Letter C.

The Gate Agent just came on and said that there are 127 people on the flight and there are 137 seats on the airplane. Which means that people are going to have to sit next to each other.

I always find it interesting when people are confronted with either sitting next to someone or having a seat between them, they will always choose that extra space and when they’re forced to move, oh do they grouse.

Think about the Movies, how many times have you gone late to a movie and there’s 4 of you and you can’t sit together because everyone is spread out. Or how about in an open seating cafeteria (well I can understand that I really don’t wanna eat with someone I don’t know, what if they eat with their mouth open, ick gross).

Or my all time favorite (ladies you might not get this) you walk into a restroom and there are 4 urinals (let’s call them A, B, C and D) there’s already someone standing at A & D (as far away from each other as you can get) so where do you go? Well I’ll tell you this, you don’t use the urinal, you go in the stall. Ladies if you don’t believe me ask your husbands.

Southwest is a true test of that, yesterday when I was boarding the plane it was not very full so people weren’t forced to sit next to each other….today is probably going to be different because it’s so full.
Here’s my favorite thing to do – next time you go to the beach (go early when there’s only a few people there) take your towel and spread it out RIGHT NEXT to someone else. See what happens…..


I think that this may be my quickest trip in quite sometime. When the plane takes off, I will have been in Connecticut for a total of 24.5 hours, and it’s rained the whole time.

This quick traveling over the last two weeks has reminded me of a job I had about 5 years ago…..traveling around the world on someone else’s dime.

Yeah it sounds so much fun on paper, but it was rather tiring after a while.

Picture it, the late late 90’s, the Economy is strong, Bill Clinton is in the White House and things are hopping. I had a friend who owned an international courier company that delivered packages around the world. You’re probably asking, what “types” of packages were you delivering ::wink:: ::wink::

We delivered electronic parts, mainly cellphone chips. He was based out of Chicago and there were several big chip manufacturers there, but they had their assembly plants across the pond (I’ll just say Stockholm you can figure out the rest.) Well these companies were making phones so quickly that they couldn’t keep up with the demand of making the chips, so we would jump on a plane with a box of chips, fly over to Europe or Asia, drop them off and come back.

I had the opportunity to fly to Stockholm, London, Glasgow, Berlin, Hong Kong and Singapore. Some of those places I flew quite often, but literally never left the airport.

It was nothing to jump on that plane, fly 10 hours over to Stockholm and then grab a connecting flight from there to London and then back to Chicago (or Atlanta since that’s where I was living at the time).

Let me give you an idea of what it was like when I flew to Singapore. I hoped a plane in Chicago and flew to LA (4 hours) where I caught an overseas flight to Hong Kong (15 hours) where I got a connecting flight to Singapore (4 hours) ((we’re up to 23 hours by now).

I dropped off my box and had three hours in the airport until I flew back to Hong Kong. Got back on that plane and we were two hours into our return flight when suddenly the plane turned around and went back to Singapore because a Typhoon hit Hong Kong and they shut down the airport.

I spent the night in Singapore (which was strange in it’s own right) and got back to Hong Kong the next afternoon. What they didn’t tell us was that there were no planes to take us out of there so we sat in the airport for 14 hours.

Finally we got on a flight to San Francisco (17 hours) where I just missed the flight going back to Chicago, so I got to spend the night in San Fran.

The next morning I caught the first flight at 7:00 am and made it back to Chicago around 3:00 that afternoon. I grabbed a cab back into the city and in the process of getting out of the cab I dropped my wallet on the street and didn’t know it….not until I woke up the next day and realized it was gone.

That was my last trip.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Dog the Bounty Hunter

I should preface this by saying that I don’t have cable TV at home, I get about 13 channels “off the air” and watch enough TV as it is.

When I first moved I was going to get cable but decided that since I couldn’t get the phone to go along with it, it wasn’t worth it.

So whenever I’m someplace that has cable, I become a surf-aholic, The Boyfriend calls me the Remote Comando.

I’m sitting here in this hotel in CT, it’s raining, it’s cold and there’s nothing else to do except flip through the channels.

By the way, there are 6 sports channels on this TV, ESPN, Golf, Volleyball, ugh!

But there is A&E and right now Dog The Bounty Hunter is on, it’s like white trash cops. I don’t get “Dog” if that’s his name, he’s got more jewelry on than a drag queen. What’s up with those armbands and long feathered blonde hair and the thing woven into his hair. Why is it “cool” for him to be dressed like that because he’s got muscles, if he were a little skinny guy they’d call him fag.

I think it’s funny though because all of those guys on there are all tattooed with long pretty girly hair, but hey they’re bounty hungers and I’m not.
I think I’m gonna grow my hair out, get tattoos and wear Indian armbands on a daily basis to work, that’s hot!

Caution the moving walkway is about to end

Oh god, that’s what I’ve got to listen to for the next hour and a half, but that is so much better than screaming children any day.

I’m at the airport again, this is twice within a week that I’ve been at Midway Airport (MDW) flying out to see a customer.

I was calling Sales Reps yesterday and got in touch with one in Connecticut, who proceeds to say “Geez, I wish you would have called last week, I’m having a big vendor show at The Customer Site tomorrow.”

Well little did she know that we had just gotten a big travel approval budget for the end of the year, so I asked my boss if I could go and viola I’m on my way to Hartford.

I’ve been at the airport 30 minutes and these are the observations I’ve seen thus far:

- Going through security – you’d think that at 4 years since 9/11 people would KNOW how to get through security at the airport. Empty the pockets, take off the coats, take off the shoes and belt (if you’re wearing a big Texas Style belt buckle), pull your laptop out and push everything through the x-ray machine. You then gingerly step through the magnetron and pray to the gods that you don’t set off any alarms.

- STAND on the right and walk on the left – why is this such a difficult concept for Americans to grasp. There are even little signs that indicate what you’re to do, but no you have to stand next to your girl/boyfriend holding hands and blocking traffic behind you.

- Backward Hats & Pooka Shell Necklaces – will these trends never go out of style? I’m not a big “hat” person myself, but I never understand the concept of wearing a hat backwards so the bill is out of the way, why? It’s not like you’re wearing the hat to protect yourself from the sun when you wear it that way, I guess I’m not 19 and a Frat boy so I’ll never understand that.

- Screaming Customers – I love it when people are wrong and they try to take it out on the Gate Agent. They screwed up, they booked the wrong flight, they’re at the wrong gate, but they insist on yelling. I’ve worked in Customer Service for years (15+) and I get no greater joy in life then telling a screaming/yelling customer that the problem they caused was their own fault and no fault of the company….ahhhh bliss.

- Boy Capris & Black socks – I’ll never understand this, when did Boy Capris become “ok” and in style. I guess some guys are just afraid to show their knees in public, poor things.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

The Cost of Living

The new Cost of Living Index is out ranking cities across the world in relation to how much it costs to live there.

Here's the link

Tokyo is #1 again this year, way to go Tokyo!

New York City is the Baseline and it is at #13 this year, which means that maybe NYC isn't as expensive as it seems. It's nice to see that Chicago is down at #52 right under San does that mean if I can afford to live in Chicago, I can afford to live in SF? WOW, wouldn't that be amazing!

Crotchless Amazon

Hey, do you have a free second? Of course you do!

Go to and do a search for CHRISTMAS, look what comes up as the second item returned.

Here's the linky

**UPDATED at 3:49 CST ****

Apparently Amazon likes to move their search results around.....scroll down, this time it was about 10 or so down, you'll know it when you see it!

Friday, October 07, 2005

Moving On

A woman went to Church one afternoon and was struck with the impassioned feeling that she should become a nun.

So she applied to the Mother Superior who accepted her but told her that to prove herself she would have to take a vow of silence. No problem the woman said and that was the last thing she said.

Five years go by and the Mother Superior calls the young Nun into her chambers, she tells her that she's been an excellent nun thus far and can break her vow of silence, but only with two words. The Nun thinks for a moment and says "Food Cold" The Mother Superior tells her that she'll correct the problem.

Five more years pass and again the Mother Superior calls her in and gives her the option to say two words, this time the nun says "Bed Hard" The Mother Superior tells her that she'll correct the problem.

Five more years pass and again the Mother Superior calls the nun into her cloisters. She tells the nun that she can again break her vow of silence, but only with two words. The Nun looks at her, thinks for a moment and says "I Quit"

The Mother Superior looks at her and says "Well of course you do, all you've done since you've gotten here is bitch bitch bitch."

Never lend money to friends

I’m so frustrated right now, a person that I consider a friend is raking me over the coals and it is pissing me off. This is only rant, repeat, this is only a rant.

Let me give you some background, about a month ago a friend calls me up about 7:00 on a Friday night, I had just settled in for the evening because The Boyfriend had other commitments and I was planning a nice evening at home with a bottle of wine which had just been opened. The cell phone rings and it’s my friend who frantically says “Oh my god, my dog is sick I don’t know what’s wrong with him, will you go to the Vet with me I don’t want to go alone?”

Well I had already consumed a glass and a half of wine and I tell him, yeah I’ll go, but I can’t drive (I will not drive when I’ve been drinking or smoking – period) but I’ll go with you for support. He tells me, yeah that’s ok, I’m using my room-mates car.

So he picks me up and we drive off to the vet, the whole time I’m sitting in the back seat with the dog petting him and holding his head. The entire time I am continuously reminded that it is this exact reason why I don’t have pets. When I was growing up we always had animals – dogs, cats, cows, chickens – because I grew up on a farm….but what did it for me was when I saw our pet dog get run over and killed and the driver just kept on going – I don’t want to have to watch my pets die again.

We get to the vet we’re there about 2 hours they fix the doggy up and the bill comes…..we’re standing there and my friend says “I only have $260 in my checking account so I’m just going to write them a check and deal with it later.” The total was almost $400.00

Now mind you, he had just gotten paid (and I know how much he makes) so he writes the check out hands it to the girl who proceeds to run it through the machine where it is immediately rejected because there aren’t enough funds to cover the amount written on the check… friend is like “oh shit, what do I do.”

Well I had just been home for my Grandmother’s funeral and my Mom had given me some play money so I told him, you know what I’ll pay for it and you pay me back.

So a few weeks go past and I hear nothing regarding his ability to pay me back – but during this time he’s told me that he “got” $1000 to help pay down some of his bills, so I assumed that he was figuring me in on one of those bills, but I was wrong. So I asked him earlier this week “hey, any idea when you can pay me back the Vet bill?”

He gives me this look of “what you talking about Willis?” And he stammers along, “oh well I can give you half of this week when I get paid.” So I push him “and then the other half?” “oh the following week.”

So Friday rolls around – payday – and I ask him again “Hey, do you have a check for me?” “Oh I’ll have it for you next week.” “Next week,” I say, “you told me this week.”

“Well yeah, but work short changed my paycheck by $100 and they’re not gonna cut me an extra check they’re gonna add it onto next week’s check, so I can give you some of the money then.”

“Half, right?” I say “Oh…..yeah….I guess so.”

So now here’s my question that I’m asking myself because I consider this person a good friendDo you think that the only reason he asked me to go along to the Vet with him was because he knew he didn’t have enough money in his account to cover it and he knew I would pay for it?

People Watching

I am currently sitting in the airport at the Minneapolis/St Paul Airport (MSP). **NOTE - I was when I wrote this, but I'm safely on the ground in Chicago now. **

Waiting on my Northwerst flight back to Chicago – Midway (MDW). Another gate agent just came over the airwaves and said that they’re boarding a flight bound for Chicago but it’s may be on hold because of weather in Chicago – FUCK!

Well at least I’m going home and not heading somewhere important, worse comes to worse I’ll just go in late to work tomorrow – oh wait I can’t, I’m doing a training at 10:00, well I could always show up at 9:45.

I love the airport, it’s a great way to people watch. I don’t know how you are, but I get a little antsy traveling, so I prefer being to the airport early and making sure that I’m not gonna miss my flight etc. The Boyfriend on the other hand would have no problems getting to the airport 20 minutes before his flight takes off – that just totally wigs me out and causes major anxiety. For example, today one of the vendors that was at our “show” was driving this way, so I hitched a ride with him. I got to the airport 2.5 hours in advance, sailed through security and even had the opportunity to sit at “Chili’s” and have some “Asian Sesame Boneless Chicken Wings” all the while these straight guys were watching some baseball game on TV. What’s with all the sports all of a sudden, they’re everywhere.

Well I guess they’re everywhere all the time, but most of the time I shield myself from it. Whenever I see a sporting event on TV I hopefully switch over to PBS in hopes of catching “The Antiques Roadshow” or perhaps “Cooking with Capriel” (Hey she got a husband, I figured that dyke would never get married, but good for her, {for the record I don’t really know if she’s a lesbian so don’t yell at me}).

Do you enjoy people watching? I do! The airport is the best place for it, you get non-local people to stare at for an indefinite amount of time. The Mall is good as well, but after 20 minutes of watching all the people in one area start to look alike, at least at the airport you get a good mix of diverse people.

For example, sitting across from me is the quite young couple reading books, they look a little granola but he’s wearing good shoes and his hair is immaculate (I wish my hair looked that good long), there’s the guy carrying the worn out paper grocery bag with handles, all the while walking around the gate area with sandals and god forbid white socks (he’s obviously not married because otherwise he’d be wearing black socks).

There’s the obviously gay flight attendant who’s waiting to get on the plane. As you have probably guessed, I am an expert in this channel, but let me tell you how I know: 5’11”, 230 lbs (big girl), latinesque with his hair plastered down so he’s got sort of a Caesar cut, with “sculpted” sideburns that reach almost to his chin, which in turn is almost resting on his chest. But to top it off, the wheels on his carryon – LIGHT UP with red and blue lights as he is “floating” toward the gate – I’m such a jealous gadget Queen - I want some of those.

There’s the short, thin straight boy reading a Maxim magazine and leering at all the girls walking by. There’s the Grandma & Grandpa holding hands sitting quietly while Husband and Wife carry on a LOUD conversation even though they’re sitting right next to each other.

There’s the single woman traveling with a small child in one of those big buggy’s that people usually use to run with their child. It’s not until they sit down that you discover that either the mother or the child is deaf and they are communicating via sign language.

There are numerous people on their cellphones, me on my laptop, others on their PDA’s, a few people on the payphones. There’s the guy who looks like a cross between Philip Seymour Hoffman and Eric Stoltz when he played the guy in Mask.

I wonder whom I’ll be sitting next to? The Big Guy sitting next to me drinking a diet Coke and eating a bag of M&M’s? Or perhaps the couple that just got done eating curry they pulled out of their carryon bags, the lady with a hair color that doesn’t appear in nature……it’s always a gamble isn’t it?

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

A Nightmare Comes True

I'm currently in Minneapolis, MN attending a small vendor show for my company.

I'm representing one of the "groups" from our corporate office which is cool, and I've been to this customer location before so I'm getting to see a few people from last year.

Today we had a break between sessions for lunch, so myself and 3 co-workers from Minneapolis went to lunch.

The worst thing in the world that could happen......happened. The main topic of conversation over our Mexican food was, oh my god, football.

I know nothing about Football, I don't know much about baseball or basketball, but at least I "understand" those games. But football I just don't understand, downs, 1st of 20, fumbles, tackles, oh my goodness.

I just sat there with a glazed look on my face as they quoted sports scores, players, coaches, good schools to go to etc, I'd nod my head every now and again and feign interest but it was a terribly frightening experience.

I hope that none of you are ever forced to go through something like that.

Monday, October 03, 2005

The truth can now be revealed

I’ve been memed by Clew, go check her out she’s pretty hot!

Here it is if you’re playing along:
List five songs that you are currently loving. It doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists, and the songs in your blog, then 'tag' six other bloggers/friends to see what they're listening to.

Well of course I had to consult iTunes because what else is going to give me a better listing (complete) of my hottest songs

What is this Feeling – Wicked Soundtrack
For Now – Avenue Q Soundtrack
My Humps – Black Eyed Peas
A Minor Tune – Tubular Bells 2003 – Mike Oldfield
Neverland: Piano Variation in Blue – Finding Neverland Soundtrack – Jan A.P. Kaczmarek

Damn - I only have one hot song in my lineup, all the rest are showtunes and soundtracks.

I guess it’s true, I am gay.

If you want to play along please do, but when you post your results link to me and let me know (hint hint to those folks I don’t know yet).

Still paying

Let me ask you a few questions:
- Do you live in the United States of America?
- Do you have a landline phone?
- Do you have a cell phone?

If you answered "Yes" to at least two of these questions, I bet you weren't aware that you were paying for the Spanish-American War.

What is that you say? I'm paying for the Spanish-American War? How can that be? It ended it 1898, 107 years ago. Well let me just tell you, you are still paying for that war!

In 1898, President McKinley imposed the Federal Excise Tax law, or more commonly called "Tax on Talk." This tax was to be a temporary "luxury tax" on the very wealthy. But wait, I'm not wealthy, how can they tax me still?

Prez McKinley enacted a 3% excise tax on the use of a telephone. 107 years ago, the only people that owned telephones were wealthy people (you or I would have never owned a telephone back then) so everyone told old McKinley - yeah go ahead and screw the rich people, charge them 3% to use those new fangled telephones that let you talk to the devil, go ahead do it.

Well, he did that.....the only problem......the excise tax was never repealed so to this day you are paying a 3% excise tax on every phone line that you own.....doesn't seem like much but, on average about $1.50 a month.

But think about it this way:
- $1.50 a month
- times 12 months = $18.00
- Let's say that 50% of the US Population owns a phone that's about 147,500
- That's $2,655,000 extra that we're paying to finance a war that ended 107 years ago.

I very rarely advocate doing things but if you have a chance go on over to the MyWireless.Org website and let your Senators and Representatives to SUPPORT S.132 and HR.1898 to repeal the Tax on Talk.

Whew - I'm done, it takes a lot out of you being up here on this soapbox, who's next?

Sunday, October 02, 2005

How does that feel?

- Deep Cleansing Mask
- Exfoliation
- Toning
- Clarifying Treatment
- Mini-Microdermabrasion
- Facial Massage
- Moisturizing Treatment

That's what Amy did to me yesterday afternoon at a "man salon." A Man Salon you say? What is that? Well it's a really fancy salon geared towards men, so they don't feel threatened getting a back waxing or a manicure/pedicure. Someplace that is all wood and exposed duct working and TV's playing baseball, see if they play baseball on TV it's gotta be good.

Last Christmas I received a gift certficate from a friend for this extravaganza and I just got around to using it. It was the perfect time as well with all of the traveling and carrying on that has been going on as of late.

We both went down yesterday (the friend that gave me the GC) he had a "stress relief" package to use up, as we were waiting for our appointed time I asked my friend "Do you think this is a 'full release' facial." Little did I know.

It was the first facial I've had and I must admit, it was amazing. I've had professional full body massages before but this was 100x better. I was so relaxed during the experience that I felt like I was floating, but I was fully cognizent of what was going on around me. The street noise, the people talking outside in the salon, but I was so relaxed.

I was laying face up on a massage table, in a dimly lit room with a cd playing quiet "nature music" all very conducive to relaxing.

The facial massage felt so good, but when it was followed by a hot towel (four times I might add) it was the most relaxing experience. I think that at one point I did fall asleep because I sort of remember having some sort of dream (or a whole bunch of colors I can't recall), but the next thing I knew was I felt a tap on my shoulder telling me it was over (45 minutes later).

I sort of woke up and said "oh I hope I didn't snore" and she said "just a little bit" I never would have thought that I would fall asleep but I did!

If you've never had a facial, I would highly recommend it. My face feels so clean and alive, I could just imagine what it would feel like if I wore makeup/foundation etc on a regular basis like most women, so treat yourself. Go out and spend the $50-60 and do it, I think you'd love it.

So now am I not only carrying a Murse but I'm going to Man-Salons - where will the madness end?

What is a Meme?

We've all done them? We've all played along...but did we actually know what we were playing along with?

From an inspiration based on a poste by VeggieBabe where she asked the question:

"I wish I knew what meme stood for...."

Well here we go because if VeggieBabe is asking then question then millions more must be asking that question as well.

First googgling "MEME" brings up a lot of returns, the first (of course) coming from Wikipedia.

Wikipedia tells us that the word comes from the word "memory" and was first referenced by the author Richard Dawkins in 1976. They basically say that a meme is "a unit of cultural transmission, or a unit of imitation." huh?

Further googling brings me to more references to the author and finally I find this gem:

"A unit of cultural information that represents a basic idea that can be transferred from one individual to another, and subjected to MUTATION, CROSSOVER, and ADAPTATION."

So basically, a meme is an "idea" that includes information that is transferred from one person to another (via blog posting) and changes based on the recipient.

So that's what a meme is.....pretty boring eh?