Wednesday, January 25, 2006

New Medicines for 2006

I apologize for the lack of creative and/or funny posts lately but it's that mid-winter crap that we're all going through. Well for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere, those of you in the Southern Hemisphere can go...oh I won't go there, see how bad I am!

The FDA is planning on a approving some new drugs this year and I wanted all of you to be aware of them so that you can keep an eye out on your local drugstore shelves

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D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

ST. M O M M A’S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom’s depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn’t wait till they moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, “You make me want to be a better person . Can we get naked now?

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can’t remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

N A G A M E N T
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him

3 comments:

xmichra said...

I SOOO need a damnitol.. hehe.. nice find Michael.

CanadianSwiss said...

Can you get me some Buyagra I always need that for my undies-shopping. ;-) Might be helpful for OrangeX's Hugo Boss shopping sprees, too!

Karen said...

Are these available through internet prescriptions??