Friday, March 24, 2006

Straight Boys and the Stall

I work in the "corporate" offices of my company. All of our functions, minus sales and our warehouse, are located in one building here in Chicago. We've got a pretty big building, 4 floors and about 450 people here. I would say that I'm "out" at work as much as I could be. I was talking with a girlfriend downstairs waiting for the elevator and mentioned that I was a bachelor this weekend and then one of my co-elevator riders said, in a surprised voice I might add, "Oh I didn't know you were married." I looked at her and said, "Oh I'm not, it's not legal here." Needless to say I got a funny look, one of those like when a dog cocks his head at you and sort of says 'huh?'

I'm getting off track....we have a lot of people here.....and we have our share of gay boys - surprisingly, but the gay boys are either "all the way out of the closet" or "hiding in the back behind last years searsuckers and this years fur coat." I think the reason about that is our company is very homophobic, which doesn't make sense in this day and age to me? Perhaps since I'm living the gay agenda it wouldn't make sense to me.

I've worked here for 5 years and in my prior group we had a lot of gay boys/girls, in fact my boss was gay so it was very easy to "come out". When I moved to my new position, which was on the 4th floor (I was on the 1st floor before - worlds away) I was concerned about the whole "coming out" thing again.

It always takes so much energy to hide being gay, you've got to watch what you say, how you say it, how you walk in high heels, it really takes a lot of energy, and I didn't think I was up for it again. At this point The Boyfriend looked at me and said "What do you mean you're tired of coming out, are your co-workers headless?" So needless to say I'm out at work all the way, but I'm not one of those flamers either (Andi can attest to that I hope).

Wow I'm really getting off topic but I felt it would make more sense if you had the other day I'm walking to the bathroom to clean my coffee mug and about 5 feet in front of me is this str8 boy (really cute I might add as well - which is strange because we typically don't hire cute boys) but he walks into the bathroom in front of me and proceeds to the stall.

I pay no attention becuase a) I don't cruise at work b) I don't cruise the bathrooms and c) I've got The Boyfriend so I don't need a) or b). As I'm washing my mug I hear him start to pee and it made me think.....isn't it funny when str8 boys use the stall to pee?

I mean I know that I'm pee shy, but that's usually only at the man trough at bars or Wrigley Field, you know what the man trough is right?

Whenever there is a man trough, my eyes will have to turn yellow before I can go pee, that's how pee shy I am.....but our bathroom at work only has one urinal and two stalls so it's not like you don't have any privacy when you do use the urinal?

So why is it that str8 boys have to use the stall to pee? I understand why gay boys do it, because we have to sit down!


Andi said...

Michael, you could say white is black and I would attest to it! :)

Kat said...

omg, I am laughing so hard I started another coughing fit. Damn cold. "are your co-workers headless?" I'm guessing he thinks it's pretty obvious. lol.

I didn't know what a man trough was, and I really wish I didn't now. eeewwwwwwwwww.

CanadianSwiss said...

I don't understand why you have to keep trying to hide the fact that you're gay at work. Well, okay, I know that North America isn't as liberal as northern Europe, but I would have thought that a city the size of Chicago would be more tolerant. And I agree with Kat.

Oh and btw, I know quite a few straight guys that sit to pee, believe it or not, just for the comfort and less mess. OrangeX is one of them. I once saw a sign at a friends house that said: "Women: stand up for your rights; Men: Sit down to pee."

Michael said...

Kat - Yes I guess it is pretty obvious, I don't really try to hide it though.

Canadian - Yes you would think in this day and age, but my company is "an old" company with many people who have worked there 20+ years and they're set in their ways. I was joking with some co-workers that we should try to start up a gay alliance at work and then when they tell us we can't we should sue them...LOL!

I love that sign!

I have a towel in my bathroom that says "Guests of Guests may not bring Guests" said...

The worst are those who don't shave. I loath pubes on the seat. Breeders are just so thoughtless.

MarkT said...

I wouldn't say all straight boys need to use the stall to pee. I usually use the urinal. The only time I tend to head to the stall is when the urinals/trough are crowded. I like a metre of separation between myself and other men when urinating. It's probably some primal instinct to seek out somewhere safe before dropping trou.