Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Starbucks makes me feel like a dork

I’m not a big coffee drinker, I used to drink coffee but over the last year it has caused me more heartburn and upset stomach than I care for….so I’ve switched to Tea (My current favorite is Snapple Orange Tea, yes they make bagged tea now it’s lovely – just ask Andi).

My team at work is crazy for Starbucks……everyday there’s someone that stops and gets coffee for those vigilant few who need it to get through the day, and I applaud Starbucks for making coffee such an ubiquitous part of the American Lifestyle, they took some low-life diner/gas station/truck driver beverage and turned it into a business that generates millions and millions of dollars.

Last year at work we had several contests/giveaways/spiffs and such and the prizes were Starbucks Gift Cards, at one point I had almost $40 in cards, see the problem is…..I don’t go to Starbucks, so what am I supposed to do with the cards. Well I always carry at least one in my wallet so that if I’m out and about and I happen to pass one I may stop in and give myself a treat, like this morning when I’m sitting at the airport.

Starbucks always makes me feel like the biggest dork in the world when I enter their sacred boutiques filled with the wafting aroma of coffee. I always hope for a line, and I know there will be – it’s Starbucks for goodness sake – because I need that time to get my order in my head.

There are so many choices; I mean to start with, what size do you want? Why can’t they make it simple and say Small, Medium and Large? No, they’ve got to make it difficult – Tall, Grande & Venti – What the fuck?!? Who came up with that.

Then after you choose your size you have to figure out what it is that you want to put in that cup, coffee (iced or hot), tea (same choices) do you want a latte do you want that latte with whole, skim or 2%? Do you want extra foam? Do you want less foam? Do you want room for cream, do you want a double cup because as they warn “contents may be hot” UUUUUHHHHHH it’s enough to drive me crazy.

I finally figure out in my head what I want – Venti Chai Latte and I repeat it over and over and over Venti Chai Latte, Venti Chai Latte, Venti Chai Latte, until I get to the front of the line. I know that I’ve got it and I’m going to tell the cashier exactly what I want.

What do I end up saying to her? “I’d like a Large Hot Chai Tea with steamed milk please” – what a DORK!

12 comments:

xmichra said...

hehe.. i am the same way!! Oh, and it is a coffee barista.. not a cashier. i was very RUDELY told that. anyways... for a funny haha, check out illwillpress.com
Home of foamy the squirel. Go to "the vault" and pick up the starshmucks cartoons. they will make you laugh, and not feel nearly as bad about this whole retched experience :)

Karen said...

~giggle~

So you're paying 5 bucks for a bit of hot water that's had a tea bag dipped a few times?

Rob7534 said...

LOL Michael!

The only thing I like at Starbucks is their White Chocolate Coffee thingie. Hell I don't even know what it's called for sure!

Hey you could always use those gift cards for some of the desserts they have! Screw the coffee! Yum!

gomad.ch said...

That's the thing I love about Italy. Just order a coffee and you get exactly what you need. Strong, aromatic and even healthy. Life could be so simple.

CanadianSwiss said...

From what I recall about the US, it's like that almost everywhere. I almost walked out of a bagel shop a couple of years ago. All those choices of whole wheat or not, toasted or not, light cream cheese or not, etc... Just give me a creamed cheese bagle, dammit!!

Kat said...

I don't care for coffee, so Iknow what I want when I go in. Tall Vanilla Bean Frappachino. No whip cream. :)

ads510 said...

i get a tall nonfat sugar free vanilla latte every time i go to starbucks, but I still do the exact same thing...I stare at the menu, make sure i'm going to say it right, repeat it to myself, and still screw it up. ug...

ads510 said...

oooh...just went to starbucks yesterday afternoon and had one of their strawberries and cream frappucinos...so good! There's no coffee in it, and it just tastes like a light strawberry milkshake. It's probably horrible for me, but i think its going to be my new summer obsession.

captain_howdy_girl said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
captain_howdy_girl said...

you should try what I do michael

The Big Finn said...

Ich immer bestelle ein grosses Tages Kaffee mit platz für Milch (I always order a large coffee with room for milk..excuse the spelling and poor grammar). Imagine trying to remember that one. Then, the lady always says: "Thank you, have a nice day!". I guess they can tell I'm not a native German speaker.

Anonymous said...

To the big finn:
maybe it's because Tages means "of the day" and you probably just mean "cup" which is Tasse.
So next time you go, say:
Hallo, Ich haette gerne eine grosse Tasse (no extra s because Tasse is female) mit platz fuer milch. :)
And I know what you mean, they all seam to know english, so I sometimes just go ahead and order in english.
Have a great day! -a bilingual native