Thursday, June 29, 2006

I think I just turned into a woman

My new "corkboard"
Originally uploaded by Michael_L.
People have been telling me for years that I'm woman! The way I talk the way I act, the way I carry my murse but I've always nay-sayed those words.

Well I think I crossed over that border today....I bought "cork squares" to put on my studio first I was just going to put them all together and make one big one when this voice in my head said "Why not do something artistic?" I think it was that fucking Martha Stewart, that bitch!

Oh wait, that's right, you bet I thought all about the big "renovation" I was talking about here.

Well I didn't, I'm not ready to do the "final" reveal yet but here's a teaser. In fact I think I might show you the other rooms first because the whole house was affected by the move.

So maybe this did work out?

An Update About Pennsylvania

If you're in the US I hope that you've seen some things on the news about the flooding that is going on in the Northeast, I really can't believe that it's not plastered all of the news like Katrina and Rita were because this is almost as devestating, if not more so than those events.

My parents are doing ok, they were successful in getting the water out of the basement using pumps and hoses but living on the top of a "crest" they've never ever had water in the basement before, and considering it's a finished basement Mom said they'll probably end up tearing everything out and having to replace it (which is fine because it will get rid of that orange shag carpet and fake brick plywood on the walls). But seriously, what a pain in the ass it has to be for them. I guess The Boyfriend and I can be glad that we were leaving on Wednesday and not Tuesday because we would have been in the middle of it, and Hip Boots don't look good on me!

On other news my Sister called me last night at 10:30, at first I was trying to figure out who was calling so late because no one ever calls at 9:00 to my house (probably because I'm already in bed sleeping). My sister had been trying to call my Uncle for two days to make arrangements to come home, she had left messages at home and no answer, he finally called her about 9:30 last night (EST) Apparently he fell last week and broke his arm. The doctors were doing additional testing and found he had a spot on his lung, which lead to a full body scan when they discovered the brain tumor, so he has lung and brain cancer. My sister was very upset and crying (and the funny thing is, she's never been emotional) she was going on about him and how our grandmother died almost a year ago from cancer, I felt bad that I couldn't be there to just give her a hug. I'll write more about my sister later.

Right now, I know very little about his condition or what is going on. My parents left their flooding home to drive down to Lancaster, PA to be with him.

Mom called me a few hours ago and said they made it there, but he was currentlyl having his first radiation treatment and the nurses told them it would be a few hours till he was back in his room.

Geez, all of this drama surrounding water and cancer (My grandmother died from thyroid cancer last year when Katrina hit New Orleans).

I can tell you this - we're all going to die, from one thing or another - so you NEED to live everyday as though it were your last on this planet! Do WHAT you want WHEN you want to, and tell your friends and loved ones you love them!

And if you didn't know it, I love you, even if we haven't met in person!

Superman Returns - The Review, Part II

Sorry to have left you hanging like that yesterday, but I don’t like doing long posts because I know that folks don’t like to read long involved stories that span chapters (well at least I don’t). Posts should be sweet and to the point.

I went and saw Superman Returns yesterday, the first show of the day (we’re not counting Tuesday night shows because it wasn’t official then). The auditorium was probably half full, I had space on either side of me to stretch out if I so desired.

One of the Bestest Most Favorite things about the movie……they used a lot of the original John Williams score it was wonderful, it took me back to 1978 when I was a wee and impressionable boy of 9 years old. I should have known I was gay when I was growing up…well I did know, but I didn’t know what it was.

I remember that after I saw the movie I SO wanted to buy the record. I remember that it was a double album (for those of you that don’t remember albums they’re those big black round things you put on a turntable). The album folded open and there in all his big muscly goodness was Christopher Reeve flying through the sky as SUPERMAN….and oh my goodness, there was this rather obvious “bulge” right below his belt….oh how I loved Superman.

I used to play that record over and over and over and over again, that intermixed with my ABBA records and Village People, oh god I was such a queen!

But what’s a country boy supposed to do?

Oh my goodness this is running long again!!!!!!

I’ll give you the review later!

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Superman Returns - The Review

Don’t worry I’ll tell you where the spoilers are so you can skim past those!

I was thinking about going to see Superman last night for the “previews” but knew that if I did, I wouldn’t get home until probably close to 2:00 am, and even for me that’s a bit too late. I just figured that I would go see it when I returned from vacation.

Since our trip to PA was scrapped at the eleventh hour, I decided that I wasn’t going to work and instead was going to the movies. Oh don’t worry I’ll go back to work tomorrow, there’s no reason to take 3 days off of work if I’m just going to be sitting at home….heck I can call in sick and do that!

So I hopped on the train and went to Evanston to see a movie! I bought my ticket on Fandango (just in case there were tons of screaming tweens there) but alas when I got to the theater there was just a smattering of folks in taking up the seats. I like this theater because it’s “newish” they have comfortable seats (every other row rocks and the other rows have arm-rests that move out of the way so you can “cuddle”) so I found my perfect seat, well it was almost perfect. The best seat in the house I think is the middle seat in the middle row, right dab smack in the middle. But The Boyfriend likes to sit on the aisle (I guess he wants a quick getaway) so I found my seat but it was two rows down from the middle, those fucking teenagers that got there before me!

So we settled in to watch the previews….they were pretty good.

The first one was:Lady in the Water by M. Night Shymalan – you know after that Village movie I thought that I was done with him, but this one looks really good….really scary…..basically about this guy that buys a hotel and the pool is inhabited by “something” is it good is it bad?

The second trailer was:
John Tucker Must Die by Betty Thomas (?? – 28 Days, Doctor Dolittle and Private Parts) about this “stud” who’s dating all of these women. They all find out so they find another girl to set him up with so they can all bust him….but it looks like one of those girly movies, well I’m sure it is.

The third trailers was:
The Ant Bully – by Warner Brothers?!? – not Pixar or SKG, hmmm…. At first I thought it was a bad remake of Antz (which was actually pretty good) but then it got interesting. Basically Zach is terrorizing the ants and they concoct a potion that shrinks him down to their size. Of course the story is the same from there on out.

The last trailer was:
Spider-Man 3 – It’s not out until next year, so I don’t care!

Looks like I took up all of the room writing about the previews…well standby for the review then.
this is an audio post - click to play

Thatll learn ya

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye.

It reads:

He thinks it was a figment of his imagination and he drives on without second thought.

Soon he sees another sign, which says:


Suddenly, he begins to realize that these signs are for real.... Then he drives past a third sign saying:

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive.  On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:


He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?"

He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."

"Very well, my son," she said.  Please follow me."

The man is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented.  The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, "Please knock on this door."!

He does as he is told and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door.  This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway and pull the door closed behind you."  He gets $100 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun's cup.

He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him.  As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:


The rain SUCKS!

My phone rang this morning at 6:24....way too early for any of my friends to was my Mom.

She called to tell me that they were getting flooded. Not sure if you've been watching the news but there has been a torential downpour over the East Coast for like the last 4 days.

I talked to Mom yesterday and she said everything was fine, but apprently last night the proverbial damn broke and there is water everywhere. Water in the fields, in the basement (and my parents live on the top of a hill, so go figure that one out) water covering the roads, she's afraid that they won't be able to get to Wilkes-Barre to pick us up.

So we cancelled our flights, stupid airlines charge $100 a ticket to cancel, is that not ridicilous?

Well, guess we'll be in town for the 4th and I've got more vacation days than I had anticipated!

I'm going to see Superman today then, 11:15 - first show of the day, should be filled with geeks and teens, great combo!

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Going Home

You know how they say once you leave home and you can never go home again? Well it’s true……we’re leaving on Wednesday to go “home” to Pennsylvania to see my family. It’s so weird to go home though.

I'm excited for my parents to meet The Boyfriend. My parents are pretty crazy in their own right and I think that Mom is excited to meet him as well. We've talked several times this week getting "things in order" it's too funny.

I grew up in a very small town, looking back on it I wouldn't change it for anything. I find it especially funny now because I grew up way out in the country on a farm and The Boyfriend grew up in the heart of Chicago. I sometimes think how strange it would have been to grow up in the city, I just can't imagine it, I had so many experiences that seem so "backwards" but that was the way it was.

Just to give you a little background:
- My father lives on the same parcel of land that he grew up on, he is now 65
- My mother lives about 15 miles from where she grew up
- The town I grew up in has about 1,000 people
- When I graduated from Public School, I had 47 classmates, most of us went from K-12 together.
- The grocery store is in the building where the skating rink used to be, with the original floors.
- The barber that cut my hair growing up is giving me a haircut on Thursday, for $7.00.
- I am having coffee with my Third Grade Teacher on Saturday.
- Cellphones don’t work where my parents live.
- You can see MILLIONS of stars at night (I hope the weather clears, I want to see stars)
- My parents have a computer, but no internet access.
- At 5'8" I am the tallest member of my family.
- I will get to see my First Grade Teacher as well.

So, as you can see it’s a small town. When I take my parents car into town (which is 4 miles away) people wave at me because they know the car, no so much who is driving but people “know” the car.

We’ve got lots of things planned such as:
- An exciting breakfast which involves Steak and Eggs
- A Merry Go Round ride that I rode on when I was a kid
- A Cook To Order Dinner my Mom won at an auction
- Fireworks!

In fact my parents pranked The Boyfriend on his birthday. They called him, sang happy birthday to him and hung up the phone, all without telling him who they were!

So it’s going to be a fun vacation.

I have a question when you say someone “Won an auction” did they really win because they STILL have to pay for it. That's not what I call winning?

Have a Happy Safe and Fun 4th of July Holiday....for those of you not in the US, Have a great Tuesday Next Week!

Who's Searchin' Who?

Don't you love to see how folks get to your blog? I know I do.

Here are some of the recent "keyword searches" that have brought folks to my blog:

oldie daddy gay - And this was a search from Viet Nam?!?

monday night tv (apparently I'm the #2 Search Result on Yahoo)

what do you do when you hurt your older sisters feelings - I hope whoever felt bad enough to actually apologize instead of just googling it.

greenville nc gay bar - I was there in May, but I don't think they have a "gay scene" at all. The bar was only open Fri/Sat/Sun

he enticed my wife to fuck him from across the room - Oh my god, that guy must have a huge cock if he was able to fuck the guys wife from across the room.

what to do if someone wants to hurt you? - Cry

buckelroos - Oh my god, this was a horrid "documentary" we saw about a gay porn movie. Our combined ages made us the youngest person in the audience. Half of the guys were either wearing rain coats or had popcorn buckets with the bottoms out so they could beat off.

do sinus make your head hurt infront of your ears - I don't know, do they?

str8 boys forced - Forced to do what? Clean my house for me. Send them over!

ask the fruitcake lady - Oh this is just funny, I love her!

biggest fattest breasts - Boy I bet this guy was sorely upset when he got here!

Who's been googling you?

Monday, June 26, 2006

Superman Returns

OH MY GOD! I just saw a "long" trailer on TV for Superman Returns.

I was enthused about seeing this movie because Bryan Singer did the first two X-Men (plus he's gay).

But after seeing that trailer, I'm now looking on line to see what time the Late Night Preview starts on Tuesday because we're leaving on Wednesday but I'm not going to work, so I could nap in a little bit if I had to.

Oh my, the first showing is at 10:00 pm, the movie is 2:37 so I'd leave the theater at 1:00 am and be home about 2:00 am, get 6 hours of sleep up at 8:00 and still be able to go to breakfast putz around and be to the airport right on time....what to do...what to do.....I'm so conflicted!

Oh Lawd

There's a slew of Transvestites down in little ole New Orleans that's turned into a band of maurading gypsies stealing from the stores on Magazine Street.

You need to read it for yourself right HERE

It's starting to get 'spensive around here!

So the Mercer Consulting group released the list of the top 50 most expensive cities in the world.

Surprisingly, do you know what #1 is?

Well Here's the Top 5 along with (last years position)
1. Moscow (4)
2. Seoul (5)
3. Tokyo (1)
4. Hong Kong (9)
5. London (3)
Well I'm sure that Tokyo and London are happy but geez Moscow is the most expensive city in the world? That's just bonkers isn't it?

Chicago came in at #38 this year, last year we didn't make the list because we were #52. It's cheaper to live in Miami, FL or even Amsterdam, now wouldn't that be fun?

The same group also released a report based of the top 50 cities based on the "Quality of Life"
1. Zurich (1)
2. Geneva (2)
3. Vancouver (3)
4. Vienna (3)
5. Auckland, NZ (9)

I'm glad to see that Chicago is up to # 41 from 52 last year, so I guess I need to ask the Governor where my increase in Quality of Life is coming from...perhaps the sent a check for it, I'm not sure.

If you'd like to see these reports for yourself so you can find out where your city is on the list you can find it HERE

WARNING - Please Read This!

It's summer time and along with that comes the fear of catching Lymes Disease or even West Nile! If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around to shake off the ticks, do NOT do it!

IT IS A SCAM; they only want to see you naked!

I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid now.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Long Lost Relatives!

Dear Uncle Warren,

It has been a long time since we’ve talked? It feels like ages doesn’t it. I’m sure you’re saying to yourself “Who the heck is this from?” Do you know how I know that? Because you say that everytime you get a letter from me!

Please give my love to Auntie Susie (you two are still married right)?

Well I just wanted to check in with you before you finally decide to give all of your money away and remind you that I’m still over here.

Bye Unc,



Dear Uncle Warren Cuzin Bill,

It has been a long time since we’ve talked? It feels like ages doesn’t it.

I’m sure you’re saying to yourself “Who the heck is this from?” Do you know how I know that? Because you say that everytime you get a letter from me!

Please give my love to Mindy, boy I bet she's glad she went ahead and married you. I mean we all had our doubts and stuff but we told her to get over it, you're rich!

Well I just wanted to check in with you, say hello and see how that transfer is going from Uncle Warren to you was going. Do you need my bank account number? Just let me know if you need it again.

Bye Unc, I mean Cuz,

The Boyfriend and I are gonig to visit my parents in a few days.

To commemorate the event I've created a little movie!

Friday, June 23, 2006

Oh you silly Saddam!

You may have heard earlier this week that Saddam was protesting the killing of one of his lawyers by going on a hunger strike!

Well, apparently his hunger strike didn't last too long.....he's already eating again, after missing just one meal. That meal was lunch, so it was probably just a Subway $2.49 daily special that usually ends up costing you $6 once you add a soda and bag of chips. Subway is like chinese food, an hour later you're hungry again. So really Saddam didn't miss out on that much did he?

As a side note, has anyone seen any of the coverage from the trials, it's insane! I guess I've watched too many episodes of Law & Order or been on too many juries to understand how their system works...but WOW!

As a side note, apparently I went on a hunger strike last night and didn't even realize it!

Who else has been on a hunger strike and didn't realize it?

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

We're all going to hell

I don't know why all the 'ligion all of a sudden, but check out this article.

Apparently a lot of people are thinking about going to hell.

Don't worry I'll be there with the Martini Pitcher but it will be the cheap vodka becuase we really know that's what hell is all about! No Absolut or Belvedere, damn it!

Happy Summer Solstice

Summer officially begins today at 8:26 am EDT.

Today in the Northern Hemisphere (sorry you Southern folks) residents will experience the Longest Day and Shortest Night of the year!

So if you're planning on getting it on tonight you've got less time than normal, so start early!

I hope that you have a great summer (or Winter for you Southern folks, boy it sucks to be you all of a sudden doesn't it? Don't worry you can laugh at us when it's snowing up here and you're on the beach)

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Catholic Church a be a Changin’

Who ever said that Catholic Church was in the dark ages?  Well apparently they’re changing, no homo’s are still bad and if you have an abortion you’ll go to hell, but they are changing nonetheless!

Last week it was announced that they’re making “changes” to several of the ceremonies, prayers and even the Act of Penitence.

I know very little about the Catholic church, I mean the last time I was in a Catholic Church was for a wedding.  Boy talk about your pomp and circumstance, the costumes on those priests were to die for.  All I remember is that lead priest walking down the aisle in this fabulous red frock carrying an incense burner, amazing.  As he walked by I said “Gurl, I love that dress, but your purse is on FIRE!”  He just looked at me and stared, how was I to know?

But really, they are changing….for example:

- The exchanges between priest and parishioners that now go “The Lord be with you”/”And also with you” will become “The Lord be with you”/”And with your spirit”.  So what are they taking the priests out of the completely?

- In the Nicene Creed, the opening words “We believe” will become “I believe” – I guess they’re trying to make it more personal…I guess if you say “we” you can say it and not really mean it, huh?

Oh here’s a good one:
- Before Communion, the prayer “Lord, I am not worthy to receive you” will become “”Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof.”  I guess the church wants you to take it home now?

But here’s my favorite:
- The Act of Penitence, in which sinners now confess aloud that they have sinned “through my own fault” will include the lines “through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault.”  Well you know they say that to change a habit it takes 30 days to perhaps the Church is figuring if you say it three times every day for 10 days you’ll be on the easy road to heaven.

Well, I guess we know what the Pope’s been up to.  Here I thought he was just doing Soduku this whole time!

Oh yeah, I know I’m going to hell, no need to remind me.

We're off to see the Wizard

Four United States Presidents get caught up in a tornado ... and off they whirled to the land of OZ.

They finally made it to the Emerald City and went to find the Great Wizard.

“What brings the 4 of you before the great Wizard of Oz?"

Jimmy Carter stepped forward timidly and said: "I've come for some courage."

"No Problem!” said the Wizard. Who’s next? "

Richard Nixon stepped forward,"Well, I think I need a heart."

"Done!” said the Wizard.

“Who comes next before the Great and Powerful Oz?"

Up stepped Dubya and said, "I'm told by the American people that I need a brain."
"No problem!” said the Wizard. “Consider it done."

Then there is a great silence in the hall.

Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but he doesn’t say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks,"Well, what do you want?"


Monday, June 19, 2006

Madonna - Confessions Tour Review

Last night to cap off a day of Celebration for The Boyfriends Birthday, we went to see MADONNA!!!  YEAH!!!!!

She started out with only two dates in Chicago, but when those tickets went on sale they literally sold out in minutes….so she added another date…and finally another date, for a total of 4 concerts in Chicago!  The Boyfriend had seen her 3 times before and was uber-excited to see her, and to see her on his birthday.

The concert was amazing, not too loud (I hate when your ears ring for days after a concert don’t you?) and visually stunning.  There were video screens/walls everywhere and a huge turntable stage.  There was a big jutting walkway out into the audience and 2 little “feeders” off of the main stage, it really was a big production.  

Madonna, in true Diva fashion, made her entrance in a huge disco ball that dropped from the ceiling.  She was dressed in high fashion horse riding clothes (I’m not sure what you call that) with a big top hat and all.  Now of course, from where we were sitting we couldn’t really see that much detail but they had two big video screens which showed everything up close.

For 47 Madonna looks wonderful, I wish at 37 I looked as good as she does.  She is a true athlete.  She did 4 costume changes and sang for a total of about 90 +/- minutes (not including costume change breaks).  The videos that they showed on the screens were amazing, it honestly looked like a full on production video that could have been from a DVD of the concert, it was very well polished and truly professional, but then would you expect anything less from Madonna?

Overall, I really enjoyed the show, I even danced a little bit….and you all know how I feel about dancing.  The Boyfriend had a great time as well, he was up dancing almost the entire time.

So even though the show was great there were a couple of drawbacks, now just so you know, I DID enjoy the show and I DID have a great time….but…..:

1.  The concert was supposed to start at 7:30, well at least that was the time that was printed on the ticket.  Madonna didn’t take the stage until 8:45, 75 minutes late.  Now I don’t care who the fuck you are, but when you have people paying $100+ for the cheap seats it is truly rude to make them wait that long.  I can understand if you’re caught in traffic (ha ha) or chipped a nail, but apparently that is her m.o. for this show, always starting at 8:45 (it must have something to do with Kaballah?)

2.  We had pretty good seats, we were in the top ring of the arena and in the second row.  We could see the stage well and thought we were in for a good show.  But then the three bitches showed up that were in the front row.  As soon as the disco ball started to drop from the ceiling these three bitches stood up and blocked our view.  Now granted, I know it’s a concert but these c***ts were in the fucking front row and had no concern for anyone else.  To make it better, about an hour into the show, I lean over to The Boyfriend and say “I smell cigarettes” he points to the bitches, they’re hunkering down hiding and smoking a gd cigarette, I so wanted to call security and bust them.  But wait, there’s MORE they must have left their seats about 4 times to go get drinks.  They were 5 seats from the end of the row, but what does Bitch #3 decide to do, go the other way and make about 15 people stand up for her to get through…inconsiderate bitch!  If anything they ruined the show for me.  I couldn’t see, which forced me to stand, which in turn forced the people behind me to stand…I felt bad for them…..I felt even worse for the girl sitting next to Bitch #3 because she had her ass in her face the entire show.  No, she wasn’t standing up parallel to her seat, no she was standing at a 90 degree angle so her neighbor couldn’t see…..I truly truly truly hate inconsiderate people….oh wait, I just remembered something….there was a guy about 4 seats down from us who was also standing up and whistling (I think he thought he was straight because he was with his girlfriend but please Mary), Bitch #3 actually turned to this guy and gave him a dirty look because he was whistling…the fucking nerve…..Whew, I’m glad that’s done!

3. Madonna is a bitch.  She did interact with the audience, asking if we were hot.  Yes we were hot the a/c had been turned off (The Boyfriend and I already knew this little detail so we wore shorts, we didn’t care) when we all cheered she said “Yeah, I told them to turn the fucking air off, you don’t want to contribute to global warming do you?”  Now just think, an arena with probably 30,000 people, jumping up and down, dancing, just breathing….it was hot as hell in there.  But at least we were prepared.

4.  Madonna is a bitch.  After she asked if we were hot, she said “Well if you’re hot, take off your clothes” at which point someone threw a shirt on the stage.  Madonna in her true wit said “Don’t through shit on my stage motherfucker.”  So Classy!

5.  Madonna is a bitch.  Oh yeah, she gave the audience the finger at least 4 times.  I guess it was her way of saying “Yeah fuck you all.  You paid hundreds of dollars to come see me and I’ll make you wait and you’ll like it.  Fuck You!”

But regardless of all that…..I really enjoyed the concert.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

I didn't forget...

Happy Father's Day!
Originally uploaded by Michael_L.
Happy Father's Day to all of you Fathers out there!

I hope that you got breakfast in bed and didn't have to go fetch the Sunday Paper!

Swimming Pool

Almost full!
Originally uploaded by Andi Knapp.
I was looking at photos from the Fabulous Andi when it made me think of something from when I was a kid.

As I've told you before, I grew up way way way out in the country on a farm.. Our closest neighbor back then was about a mile away, even though we lived on a "main road" (and yes it was blacktopped).

One of the great things growing up was we had a pool....sort of like this one. But my dad, being the great inventor that he is, decided that instead of putting it in the middle of the yard, instead we would build it into the "side" of a little hill we had next to where we parked our cars. So when you looked at it, it looked like it was an inground pool when in fact it wasn't...another cool thing was we had a sliding board.

A sliding board in a 4 foot pool you say, yes a sliding board, we had so much fun with that thing, even though the connector that you used to hook it up to the hose leaked more than what sprayed on the board (uhm, it's not a good thing to go down a fiberglass sliding board without water - you stick).

When I was a Sophomore in high school, the Jr-Sr Play was a "Midsummers Night Dream" and we used that slide as a prop in the play. About 3 weeks before the show was to go off one of the guys broke his jaw (ow) and couldn't be in the they asked me to do it, even though I was a sophomore. I was friends with all of the Juniors and Seniors so it worked out well.

So......we used the slide for the entrance of the "fairies" - not me....the fairies in the play - it was positioned just offstage with just the lip hanging out onto the stage. The fairies would climb the ladder and make their grand entrance, it was pretty exciting.

The day of the dress rehersal my best friend and I decided to play a prank, we found some of the stuff that they sprayed on the floor in the gym for shuffleboard (it makes it really slick so the thingys go further) and we sprayed it in front of the edge of the sliding board and a path out....oh when those fairies came down that slide did we ever laugh becuase they went for a ride......and before you ask, no - no one got hurt, that wasn't the point.

I think it was during that show that I also had a pair of pantyhose on my head and found out later that they weren't new......

Happy Happy Birthday!

Happy Happy Birthday!
Originally uploaded by Michael_L.
It's The Boyfriends birthday today!!!!

The Boyfriend doesn't read my blog often, but the one "concern" he has is that I refer to him as "The Boyfriend" sort of like "The Lamp" or "The Table" and I told him it was only because it made it much easier on the audience if I referred to him as such instead of having to constantly remind people who he was.

So with that said, I'll still refer to him as The Boyfriend (with capital letters) but let it officially be known that his name is DAVE!

Happy Birthday Dave - I love you - and I'm so happy that you're in my life!

Saturday, June 17, 2006

I can't believe I didn't post this!

Remember back in March when Andi & George came up for a visit?

Well I made this video and I uploaded it to YouTube but it was during the time that they had just changed their "terms of service" and you couldn't upload videos over 10 minutes. This one logs in at almost 14 minutes and I had forgotten about it until today.

So with that said, I am proud to present:

A Weekend in Chicago


Friday, June 16, 2006


Has anyone else been watching that new show on NBC, Windfall ?


On the way for the surprise
Originally uploaded by Michael_L.
It's very rare that I get to surprise someone, especially The Boyfriend.

His birthday is coming up this weekend and we're not going to have an opportunity to spend a lot of time together so I thought that I would surprise him.

He works downtown and I work near home so we never get to see each other during the day for lunch or things of that I checked around and found out that The Chicago Symphony Orchestra was practicing this afternoon, so I scheduled a day off from work.

I got in touch with one of his co-workers and worked on a plan to get him out of the office for lunch! So I made a nice lunch of Turkey, Roast Beef and Provolone Sandwiches, an Orzo Salad with Feta some chips and Strawberry Shortcake for dessert.

I told The Boyfriend this morning that "I'm not feeling well, so I stayed home from work." He felt bad for me because of it (and I felt bad for fibbing to him, but it needed to be done.)

On the way I stopped at this nice florist on the way and picked him up a beautiful boquet of orchids and roses....I called my friend to let her know that I was on schedule and that I'd meet them at the arranged place.

When he walked out of his office building he saw me across the street and said "What are you doing here? I thought you were sick?" Finally my plan had worked.

At this point his co-worker was planning on going her way and I said "Oh no, you're going with us." So the three of us went over to Millennium Park, sat in the sun, ate our lunch and enjoyed listening to the CSO practice. (Even their practice was beautiful).

So Happy Birthday Boyfriend! I love you and I'm so happy you're a part of my life!

Thursday, June 15, 2006

New York City Here We Come

The Boyfriend and I are going to NYC in November for a long weekend to celebrate our anniversary (which was in April - I know...long story).

So we've been planning on what we want to do/see/eat/hear while we're there. The Boyfriend lived there for a year, and I used to go all the time when I was a teenager so we're both really excited to go.

One show that he really wants to go see is A Chorus Line since it's coming back. I saw it years ago on Broadway and now we're going to see it again. We ordered tickets last week and they arrived today....whooopee....

To give you an idea of how much tickets cost, the last show I saw on Broadway was The Phantom of the Opera in 1989. At that time, I had front row balcony seats and the tickets were $42.50 a piece, quite expensive back then. Our tickets for this show? We're in the balcony again, 4th row from the front on the aisle --- $111.25 each, whew!

I hope we get cocktails with that!

He also wants to go see the new Sweeney Todd version with Patti Lupone but her contract is only through July 2nd and we're not sure who's going to replace here. It's a totally odd revival of that show where the actors play instruments on stage and such.

I on the other hand would like to go see The Three Penny Opera with Alan Cumming, Ana Gasteyer (we saw her last as Elphaba in Wicked - she was awesome) and Cyndi Lauper, yes you read that right...THE Cyndi Lauper is doing Broadway, I bet you didn't know that did maybe if they're still doing it in November we'll go see that.

Anyone have any recommendations on what we should go see/do/hear/visit while we're there?

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

McDonalds = Promiscuity

McDonalds = Promiscuity
Originally uploaded by Michael_L.
This morning when I got the Red Eye (a local hip paper that they tried to sell last year for $.25 but couldn't do it so now it's free) there was a "post-it" type note on the front of it. Every now and again they'll have these on the fronts of the paper as a type of subliminal it sticks out because it's on the front cover, whoo hoo!

Apparently McDonald's is assuming that you're a promiscuous whore and that you're planning on waking up with someone different every morning.

Thanks McDonald' really know me!

Da da da da da....I'm hatin' you

Another Video

Have you ever heard of Color Guard, WGI or DCI.

Well The Boyfriend has been part of this for many years and it's sort of like a cult, being an outsider I can't explain it....but he's been involved in a group called ROTC Chicago for many years continuing to toss rifles and wave flags.

I found this video on Youtube, I don't know who put it up there but it's very cool.

It looks as though it's a few years old, because the boyfriend looks awfully young in many of the shots.


AIDS Awareness

I just had to share this, I think it's brilliant! This is part of a French AIDS awareness programme geared to gay boys. Don't worry girls, I think you'll get a kick out of it as well. It's not graphic and it's not disgusting, it's actually quite cute and humorous with a great message at the end.

I found this via RoboCub

Here's the "str8" version, courtesy of Ditsy-Bint

It's Flag Day

I'm such a bad American...I totally forgot that it was Flag Day most Americans, I only want to celebrate the "fun" holidays, you know Memorial Day, 4th of July, Christmas, those days that we get off from work, yeah!

But there are a lot of other holidays that we need to celebrate that we should, like Arbor Day, Armistice Day and Valentine's Day! Included in there is Flag Day.

I'm surprised that it took me most of the day to realize it, there was nothing on the news this morning, there was nothing on MSNBC, nothing on the radio....geez for being all huffy puffy American's you think that we'd push Flag Day...apparently we don't!

According to Wikipedia Flag Day is not an American Made-Up Holiday, there are Flag Day's all over the world.....when is your Flag Day?

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Why People Persist Being Idiots

Check out this article, you'll need to read it before continuing, go ahead, I'll wait. If you want a quick tip, do a right mouse-click on the hyperlink and choose "Open in new window" that way I'll stay right where I am.

So why is it that people continue being idiots? I find several things funny about this article:

1. Two high school seniors picked quotations from Adolf Hitler's book "Mein Kampf"

Did they really think this was funny? Do they even know who Hitler was and what he did?

2. The father was quoted as saying: "I guess he didn't seriously consider the source; he was more interested in the quote," he said. "He's a child."

Uhm, hello! He's at least 17 and probably 18 years old, he can be tried as an adult and be drafted, he's no longer a child.

3. Officials also are discussing with the yearbook's publishing company either reprinting the section in question or offering special tape to people who want to cover the quotes.

Come on people, what's done is done, do you really think that a piece of tape is going to make you forget what was printed there? "Oh, I wonder what's under this piece of tape? I have no idea?"

I think picking a quote from Hitler is pretty bad, I guess it's safe to say that neither of the kids are Jewish!


Remember this ponderous question? I got some great answers from everyone so I have another question to ask you.

How can you tell when Croutons are bad, I mean aren't they already made of stale bread?

Monday, June 12, 2006

Oh No, Not another Show Review

Boy have we been on a Show Binge lately....last year we said that we wanted to go see more theater, well this year we've done it!

So far this year we've seen:
- Lady Madeline
- Matthew Bourne's Swan Lake
- Urinetown - The Musical
- Hubbard Street Dance - Sublime Sentiments
- Rent
- Spamalot
- The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee
- Imminent Dangers of Love and the Afterlife
- Golda's Balcony

Whew, I'm tired, for those shows that I didn't review, it's not that I didn't like them, I just didn't have the time, we haven't seen anything that's been crap so that's good, huh?

Well we don't have any more shows to see until September and then it's Annie and Altar Boyz!

SOOOOO, instead of going to the theater we're going to some concerts.

This coming weekend is The Boyfriends Birthday and we're going to see Madonna on Sunday! Whoo hooo!

Then in a few more weeks we're going to see Melissa Etheridge (she's a big old dyke ya know), so it looks like it's going to be the summer of Concerts.

So did anyone watch The Tony's last night? Mom's were any of your sons insistent on watching it? We're going to NYC in November to celebrate our Anniversary (which was in April) and we just bought tickets to go see A Chorus Line (4 row balcony, aisle, sweet). The Boyfriend also wants to go see Sweeney Todd, who knows what else will come up between now and then.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Sunday Breakfast

Isn't that a great looking plate of food?

I went to one of my favorite restaurants for breakfast this morning, this plate consisted of Crab Cake Napoleon with eggs and potatoes.

The crab cakes were sandwiched between slices of tomatoes, topped with pesto and sitting on a bed of swiss chard....tres delicious.

Even better is this place is within a 10 minute walk of my house, the bad thing is - it's VERY popular so you have to get there early early early otherwise you have to wait in line.

I got there at 8:15 (they opened at 8:00) and when I left at 9:00 there were about 10 people waiting in line, that's madness!

Here are a few more pictures from the same place.

Andi, I promise when you come up next time we'll go there for breakfast, it's much classier than the last breakfast place we went to..LOL!

Saturday, June 10, 2006

New Camera Test

New Camera Test
Originally uploaded by Michael_L.
How's your weekend going? I hope that whatever you planned on doing, you're enjoying yourself.

We had fun at the races yesterday, but boy was it cold!!!! I about froze my nipples off, and considering there's metal in one of them, you can just imagine what it was like.

The Racetrack is on the otherside of O'Hare Airport, and my car doesn't go that far out of the city so several of us took the Metra. Metra is the "commuter" train line, the trains go from the burbs to downtown and I usually have no reason to ride them, so it was a fun change.

I bet $6 on one race and my horse came in fourth so that was all the betting I was doing! A co-worker and I spent our gambling money on frozen cocktails (not so smart considering how cold it was but uhm, the frozen margaritas were yummy). Hey we weren't driving so we could have a few to sling back.

Today The Boyfriend is performing with ROTC at Andersonville Mid-Sommerfest so I've decided to break out my new old camera.

My everyday, take into the wild, camera is an Olympus Digital Stylus that I've had for about 3 years (it's a great camera and I'm going to be sad when it dies) but about the same time as I got that, I also go an HP Photosmart 945.

The differences are dramatic, the Olympus fits in my pocket and goes EVERYWHERE with me. The HP on the otherhand is sort of like an SLR in it's shape and size, it's not a very convenient camera to carry around. So unfortunately I never use it, I know it's a great camera but it's just such a pain to carry around. I plan on using it more now that I've got my "studio" space figured out (trust me, pictures of that to come).

So on it's first inaugural visit out of the house we're going to take pictures of The Boyfriend.

Have a great weekend!

Friday, June 09, 2006

Happy Happy Friday

I hope you're having a Happy Friday!

I'm only working 1/2 a day because we're having a company sponsored event!

We're going out to Arlington Park to go bet on the ponies!

I used to work at a Racetrack in Ohio, but I never really went to just watch the races, hell we were too busy taking care of the rich people playing the ponies!

So wish me luck (since I won a hundred bucks in Vegas, I doubt I'll be a winner again so soon).

Oohhh...did anyone watch that new show "Windfall" last night on NBC?

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

New Carjacking Device

Wow, this just came on the market you really need to check it out. Girls, your man should not be without this!

Be the first on your block to get this new anti-carjacking device.

Guaranteed to protect your car from thieves and vandals.

Cannot be influenced by electronics gimmicks or gadgets.

Your vehicle will be so safe, your insurance company will most likely refund half of your premium payments!

But that's not all!

This device is self-installing!

There is no complicated wiring for you to hook up, no possibility of mistake.

Sound too good to be true?

Wait-- there's more!

If you own more than one vehicle, there is no need to invest in several different devices!

One size fits all and you can move this device from one vehicle to another on a moments notice!

And it keeps getting better!

You can have this state of the art anti-carjacking device for not $99.95, not $79.95, not even $29.95.

This new device is being offered free of charge to the first person who responds!

So don't miss this chance in a life time offer, scroll down to claim your new Anti-Carjacking device before supplies run out!

Scroll Down Please.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

An oldie but a goodie!

This post was originally written on 10/6/2005 as I was waiting for my return flight from Minneapolis to Chicago, until now it has been hidden in my computer, so read on and enjoy!


I am currently sitting in the airport at the Minneapolis/St Paul Airport (MSP).

Waiting on my Northwerst flight back to Chicago – Midway (MDW). Another gate agent just came over the airwaves and said that they’re boarding a flight bound for Chicago but it’s may be on hold because of weather in Chicago – FUCK!

Well at least I’m going home and not heading somewhere important, worse comes to worse I’ll just go in late to work tomorrow – oh wait I can’t, I’m doing a training at 10:00, well I could always show up at 9:45.

I love the airport, it’s a great way to people watch. I don’t know how you are, but I get a little antsy traveling, so I prefer being to the airport early and making sure that I’m not gonna miss my flight etc. The Boyfriend on the other hand would have no problems getting to the airport 20 minutes before his flight takes off – that just totally wigs me out and causes major anxiety. For example, today one of the vendors that was at our “show” was driving this way, so I hitched a ride with him. I got to the airport 2.5 hours in advance, sailed through security and even had the opportunity to sit at “Chili’s” and have some “Asian Sesame Boneless Chicken Wings” all the while these straight guys were watching some baseball game on TV. What’s with all the sports all of a sudden, they’re everywhere.

Well I guess they’re everywhere all the time, but most of the time I shield myself from it. Whenever I see a sporting event on TV I hopefully switch over to PBS in hopes of catching “The Antiques Roadshow” or perhaps “Cooking with Capriel” (Hey she got a husband, I figured that dyke would never get married, but good for her, {for the record I don’t really know if she’s a lesbian so don’t yell at me}).

Do you enjoy people watching? I do! The airport is the best place for it, you get non-local people to stare at for an indefinite amount of time. The Mall is good as well, but after 20 minutes of watching all the people in one area start to look alike, at least at the airport you get a good mix of diverse people.

For example, sitting across from me is the quite young couple reading books, they look a little granola but he’s wearing good shoes and his hair is immaculate (I wish my hair looked that good long), there’s the guy carrying the worn out paper grocery bag with handles, all the while walking around the gate area with sandals and god forbid white socks (he’s obviously not married because otherwise his wife would have set out black socks for him to wear).

There’s the obviously gay flight attendant who’s waiting to get on the plane. As you have probably guessed, I am an expert in this channel, but let me tell you how I know: 5’11”, 230 lbs (big girl), latinesque with his hair plastered down so he’s got sort of a Caesar cut, with “sculpted” sideburns that reach almost to his chin, which in turn is almost resting on his chest (because he’s a big gurl). But to topper, the thing that really makes me know he’s a big gurl, the wheels on his carryon – they LIGHT UP with red and blue lights as he is “floating” toward the gate – I’m such a jealous gadget Queen - I want some of those. I used to have roller skate wheels that did that, so 1983!

There’s the short, thin straight boy reading a Maxim magazine and leering at all the girls walking by. There’s the Grandma & Grandpa holding hands sitting quietly while Husband and Wife carry on a LOUD conversation even though they’re sitting right next to each other.

There’s the single woman traveling with a small child in one of those big buggy’s that people usually use to run with their child. It’s not until they sit down that I realized that either the mother or the child is deaf and they are communicating via sign language.

There are numerous people on their cell phones, me on my laptop, others on their PDA’s, a few people on the payphones. There’s the guy who looks like a cross between Philip Seymour Hoffman and Eric Stoltz when he played the guy in Mask.

I wonder whom I’ll be sitting next to? The Big Guy sitting next to me drinking a diet Coke and eating a bag of Peanut M&M’s? Perhaps the couple that just got done eating curry that they pulled out of their carryon bags. The lady with a hair color that doesn’t appear in nature……it’s always a gamble isn’t it?

Quick, send me $1,000

I need to buy THIS

Please send large denomination unmarked bills please, it's urgent!

6 - 6 - 6

Do you suffer from Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia? Well if you do, you'd better go back to bed.

What blog would not be complete today without mentioning the date of June 6, 2006.

Everyone is saying that it's the sixth year of the new milleniuum but didn't the milleniuum start in 2001, which would mean that 2007 is actually the sixth year?

I sure hope the devil is as confused as I am!

I didn't wak up early enough to catch 6:06:06 6/6/2006 on the clock, did anyone else? I was fast asleep at that time so again, the devil didn't get me. But then again, I wonder what time zone the devil lives in because that time happens 24 times a day....geez, that's not very exciting is it?

They were saying on the radio this morning that the Maternity Wards in the local hospitals are going to be empty today because all of the mommy's wanted their babies pulled out yesterday or kept in the oven until tomorrow. Who knows perhaps we'll have a real live Damien now.

Hello, Operator

**Pick Up**

"Hello? "
"Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Jimmy"

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Jimmy"
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now"

Brief Pause

"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the Phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the Bedroom door, and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway"
"Okay Daddy, just a minute"

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the Phone.
"I did it Daddy" "And what happened honey?" he asked

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all! "

"Oh my God! ! ! What about your Uncle Jimmy?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it, he hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead"

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? ? . . .Is this 555-7039?"

Sunday, June 04, 2006

400 - 400 - 400 - 400

I just bought my 400th DVD today!

Mrs. Henderson Presents - anyone seen it yet? We saw previews on the Transamerica DVD that we just got (if you haven't seen this movie yet, you really should, Felicity Huffman is amazing)

If you'd like you can check out the movies I own HERE

And, yes, I know that I own Glitter!

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Presents from Afar but really only Jacksonville

Presents from Afar
Originally uploaded by Michael_L.
When I came home from work the other day, what did I find by my mailbox but a box....boy was I surprised.

It was from a friend of mine who had just been in town the prior weekend from Jacksonville, FL.

Years ago when I was working as an International Courier (think spy but without the spy business) I got "hooked" on a few European products. You damn Europeans!

We had been talking about the past (don't we always) and we were talking about these products, he had said that he had found a place to buy the oil and was still enjoying it....I was jealous!

The firstthing in the box was Shower Oil or Duschol. Originally my friend found this in Sweeden and whenever I had a stop over in that lovely airport (it is a beautiful airport) I would always buy a bottle or two of this stuff. The only way to explain it is, it's soap and baby oil all in one. So you get your moisturizer AND your cleanliness all in one.

Since I haven't been doing the courier thing in years, I only had one bottle left and I'd been hoarding it, I only use on special occasions since it's such a rare commodity now.

He told me the only place he could find this now was in Germany. So any of you German residents out there, do you use this product?

The other special surprise in the box was Airwaves gum from The UK. The only way to explain this is: Vicks Vapo Rub - in gum form. I know it sounds nasty but oh does it "open up your sinus passages" when you chew down on a chiclet of this stuff. It's great in the winter when you're outside, it makes your whole head swoon from the intense cold and the menthol....yum yum yum.

I had actually ordered some Airwaves a few years ago from The UK, but $20 for a box of gum is a little expensive

Ah presents from across the Sea that came from Florida....aren't they lovely?

Friday, June 02, 2006

Oh No!

I pulled a Ms. Mac this morning!

My alarm goes off at 6:21, I get one snooze button and then hop in the shower at 6:30 so I can be out the door with thermos and bagel in hand by 7:09 as I'm scheduled to pick up my friend at 7:15 to be at work by 7:25, which gives us a few minutes to breathe in the morning and say "Oh well, another day has started".

Well all of that went out the window this morning as my phone rang and I hear this voice on the other end of the phone say "So, are you coming to work today?" to which I reply "Of course I am, why?" All I hear from the other end of the phone is "Uhm, well it's 20 after 7."

20 after 7? How could that be? I had totally forgotten to set my alarm, such a nutter! Well quick in the shower, no shave, brush the teeth, wax the hair, put on cologne, grab some pants and hopefully a shirt that looks ok with it (forgot the belt damnit) and grab my bagel and thermos and out the door.

My friend actually ended up walking to work, but the funny thing is, we both got there at the same time and walked in together....all in all, we were only 15 minutes late. But believe me you, I won't be pulling that stunt again any time soon!

The really bad part of this story is, right before the phone rang I looked at the clock and said "damn only a few more minutes until the alarm goes off" Boy was I wrong!

So I blame this day totally on Ms. Mac because she gave me the idea I suppose!

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Wireless mouse

Last week when I was in PA I had the chance to meet up with my parents, they also brought their laptop and camera with them.

I love my parents and I give them credit, they've got a computer, they understand basically how to use it (well my Dad knows how to find solitaire) but they always have the funniest tales about the darn thing.

The best one this past week was:

Mom: I hate that touchpad, everytime you move it jumps all over the place.
Me: But, didn't we buy you a new wireless mouse when I was home last year?
Mom: Yeah, but it stopped working.
ME: What do you mean it stopped working?
Mom: It just stopped working one day.
Dad: I think the batteries are dead.
Me: Why?
Dad: Well it said on the computer it couldn't get a signal so you should replace the batteries.
Me: Did you replace the batteries?
Dad: No.
Me: I bet that's why it doesn't work any longer.


this is an audio post - click to play

Do you Skype?

**UPDATED*** Oh, I just listened to it....well hey it's Free right.....