Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Which one expired first - The Answer

Thanks to everyone who gave an answer, some of you were close and some of you were WAY off.

I should start by saying that all of the items displayed expired prior to 2005!

And here's when they expired:
The La Choy Soy Sauce - actually had no expiration date? Does that mean that it never goes bad?

The Jewel brand Ravioli - expired in December 2004

The Welch's Grape Juice - expired in July 2004

The Juicy Juice Apple Juice - expired in June 2004

The Chicken Boulion - expired in March 2004

The Beef Boulion - expired in December 2003

Which leaves our winner -

The Tas-Tee Salad Dressing - expired in December 2002!

This means that Karen is our winner even though she was off by a year, here's her official entry:

Definitely the salad dressing! As for the date ... I am going to assume that you didn't move into your place with an already expired bottle of dressing (I know, never ass-u-me, it makes an ....) and since I think that you have lived in your current place for approximately four years, I'm going to guess that you bought it immediately after moving in and that it expired in 12/03. So mathematical, I know!

I'll have to think of a great prize to send Karen - unfortunately I've already thrown the salad dressing away.

I know what you're thinking...how could I have all of these food items for so long?

I'm a man

(and that's the only time I'll ever use that excuse)

Tomorrow is the BIG Moving Day so I'll be offline for a few days while I hustle the movers along so they move quickly and don't try to make the job longer than it should be, plus then I'll have to deal with the designers who for some reason have the mindset that whatever they say has to go in the new place. So wish me luck that the movers are cute, big and beefy! WOOF! (of course I know they only have hot movers in the movies and on TV, but a boy can dream).

See you in a few days!

John Michael Karr Didn't Do It - Big F'in Surprise!

So is this news all over the world? It’s on the news EVERYWHERE over here, at the top of the hour……above the War in Iraq, it’s embarrassing!

If you’re not familiar – John Michael Karr confessed to killing JonBenet Ramsey 10 years ago. Big Drama, she was a 5 year old beauty queen, they never figured out who did it, accused the parents, even the brother, but they never solved it.

Well a short while back Karr came forward, he was living in Thailand and confessed via email and phone conversations, 2 weeks ago they went to Thailand and brought him back. There was controversy because he flew back Business/First class and had champagne – everyone was outraged, how dare he.

So yesterday the DNA test came back and lo and behold it showed that the killer was NOT HIM (I sort of had a feeling all along (I should have posted about it but I didn’t))

So now, the controversy has moved from him drinking champagne and eating fancy meals on the airplane to the controversy of the Boulder DA. Now the DA has to explain why they brought him all the way over here and the media is grilling them.

Come on people, they did what they had to do…what if they would have done nothing and then down the road we found out that it really was him and he had killed again…..then what you’d be grilling them because “they should have done something” when they first found out about it!

Uhm HELLO AMERICA - he lied! Isn't that more important? I'm confused?

I guess where the media is concerned “You’re either damned if you do or damned if you don’t.” Make it spin however you want just so it looks good on the 6:00 National News!

I think he just wanted a free airplane ride home to the States!

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Which one expired first

Which one expired first
Originally uploaded by Michael_L.
This moving thing is getting old quick. Fortunately I go back to work tomorrow and I can focus on something else for a change.

It seems that all I've done for the last week is pack...and pack....and pack. And it's just me, I can only imagine what you families do when you move - oh my god!

My mother told me today that if they ever decide to move they're going to sell their house lock, stock and barrel, you buy the house you get the furnishings free. They've lived in the same home for 42 years!

Now granted their house has gone almost a 100% change from when they moved there, it reminds me of that scene from Beetlejuice when they come back from the netherworld for the first time and house is completely different....that's how I feel when I go home.....

So I'm about 95% packed, the only thing left is the computer/desk area and a few things here and there....I've already started the "cleaning" process - I find myself getting psychotic with the cleaning for some reason - I guess because I want my deposit back!

Two questions for you:

- First can you guess which of these products expired FIRST and WHEN it expired (year/month is fine)?

- Secondly, I have never ever ever had an issue with bugs in this apartment, but I just wonder if should "bomb" it before I move out...what do you think?

One Year Ago Today

It was one year ago, around this time of day, that I got a call from my Father......my Grandmother had just passed away.

My Mom had this put in the local paper today:

I miss you Grammy.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Interactive Moving - Part III

Part I was quite the shut out - the poor flowers were tossed unmercifully into the trash bin.

Part II has been quite the rabblerowser! And I'm not quite sure what to do with it? Does it go in the trash? Does it end up being a centerpiece at my next party? Does it end up in someones Dungeon? The verdict is still out on that, so keep voting and let me know what I should do.

This next part is truly Interactive Moving - this one is a video request.

As a bit of a background - This was a housewarming present from my friend Keith - as a joke - but I don't think it was given as a joke.....hmmmmm.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

More of that F*cking G*d D@mn Lost Kitten

I've had enough.

Truly I have. A month ago....a month ago, these signs started showing up in the neighborhood.

At first it was just annoying, but then when I saw a poster almost a mile away I was just flabbergasted. Apparently these people had their "kitten" down at the park near the lake, and it was either stolen/taken/or walked away, because on the posters they say they'll pay anything for the return of their kitten.

So when Andi was here a few weeks ago, I decided I had had enough and dialed the phone to see if they had found their kitten....well the call went directly to voicemail and I hung up.

But last weekend when I was walking around, I saw ANOTHER one of their posters so I knew I had to say something......so I dialed up their phone number and when someone answered I said "Hi, I'm calling about the poster for the lost kitten?" Oh yeah the person replied..."Did you find it?" The reply that came back was yeah we found it......at which point I just said politely "Oh, I'm so happy for you. Could you please take down your god damn fucking posters that you have all over the neighborhood?" And I hung up!

Oh don't worry, I dialed *67 so they couldn't call me back, I know I'm a bitch.

It's all in the eye of the beholder

A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery was staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three very black and totally naked men sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society. "In fact," he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society."

After the curator left, a young man in a Kentucky T-shirt approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?" "Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?" asked the couple.

"Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied. "In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all. They're just three Kentucky coal miners, and the guy in the middle went home for lunch."

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Interactive Moving

Interactive Moving
Originally uploaded by Michael_L.
Since the LAST round went so well and the flowers were tossesd, I thought I would give you a bit of a challenge with the next "Should It Stay or Should It Go?"

I got this as a "gag" gift many years ago, it is in pristine and has never been used.

This reminds me of a time I went to a Dirty Book Store with a friend and he ended up buying a double ended dildo, as we were walking out of the store I said "I hope to God that this is the last time that I ever see that thing again because if I ever do I'll know where it's been!"

Should it Stay or Should It Go?

Look at the world we've created?

The Little League World Series is going on right now....and really the only reason I'm interested is that it's held in Williamsport, PA which is about a 45 minute drive from where I grew up in NE PA! It's always good to see the "homeland" on TV, even if does involve baseball.

The big news coming out of the series this year so far is that one of the players uttered a curse word and the coach in turn slapped/hit him...all on national TV. Now everyone is in a huff because the curse word was audible during the live broadcast....so you know what they're gonna do?

They're going to broadcast the rest of the series with a 5-Second delay in case any more of the kids decide to spout off at the mouth.

But really, is this the world we've created? A world where a curse word, by a child nonethless, forces TV Executives to enforce a 5-second delay.

Why don't we just put the whole world on a 5-Second delay, and that way no one anywhere will ever have to worry about being offended!

Dontcha Hate It

Dontcha Hate It
Originally uploaded by Michael_L.
Don't you just hate when you're pouring milk in your first cup of coffee of the day and that damn safety ring falls......kerplunk.....right into your cup?

Who sabotages milk anyway? It's so passé.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Only 4 Episodes of Fear Factor Left!


They should have thought of that a long time ago!

Oh God, I think I'm high

Sneak Peak
Originally uploaded by Michael_L.
Remind me next time I move to get the more expensive packing tape. I can be frugal at times, and sometimes just downright cheap! So when I went to get some packing tape for the boxes I bought the Walgreens brand because I din't feel like getting raped for buying the really good stuff.

Plus it's just tape right? So please pray for me that the bottoms of my boxes withstand the move, they should I'm only moving 4 blocks.

But I swear I feel like I'm stoned in this house now. They must have rented the vacant apartment that is next door because my hallway smells like a Dirty Book Store.

I'm really pissed that they rented it now, it's been empty for two months......and just my luck it will probably be two hot daddies that are moving in there...which means that the boy moving into my apartment will get them! Fuckers! I would have rather that they waited until I moved out so that I would never have known.....

So the hallway smells of strong cleaning products and I swear that cheap tape I bought is giving off more formaldehyde than my high-school best friends father did, and he was a mortician. So I've got about 20 boxes already packed so you can just imagine the smell.

On top of that I've been using one of those BIG markers to mark the boxes....you know the one I mean, the one that gives you a headache after having the cap open for 10 seconds.

Hell, all I need now is some freshly mimeographed third grade homework assignments and I'll be all set!

Btw, this is another sneak peak at the new house.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Interactive Moving

Interactive Moving
Originally uploaded by Michael_L.

I need your help!

I don't know whether I should keep this or should I toss it!

This dried flower arrangement is a combination of flowers I got at my last house warming (4 years ago) and flowers from The Boyfriend.

What should I do? Does it go to the new house or does it find a new home in the dumpster?

Well it's happening!

Sneak Peak
Originally uploaded by Michael_L.
Boxes are packed and stacked along one wall of the dining room. The living room is empty except for three pieces of furniture and a television set. Cupboards which were once full are empty like Mother Hubbard's!

It's been four years since I moved and the last time I moved it was out of a shared household to a single household - I don't remember it being this chaotic.

Normally I'm the type of person who likes things organized. I wouldn't say that I'm a perfectionist or that I'm a clean freak, but I like to have things in their proper place - if you know what I mean....moving totally puts me on edge. I think I'm going to call my doctor and ask for some Paxil to calm me down.....oh wait, I just remembered he gave me xanxex to help me sleep.

Ok gotta go to the medicine cabinet and get one......fuck I already packed up the medicine cabinet!

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Tom Hanks is everywhere

Tom Hanks is ALL over the television this evening.....on one channel stuck on an island with a long beard talking to a volleyball...on another channel he's an astronaut stuck in the LEM!

Wow, he must really be famous now since he's on two channels at the same time!

Now if there were just a re-run of Bosom Buddiessomewhere it would be complete.

The Faces of the world

I was being vouyeristic on Flickr looking at peoples pictures and I came across this guy he's got some great portraits, so I looked at his profile and he had THIS page linked, you've got to go look at it.

I can't do it justice trying to explain, just go look for a few minutes, you'll be hooked!

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Rosie O'Donnell and I are on the same Flickr Cycle!

I admit that I'm a geek. There's nothing wrong with that, it just is what it is, you know!

So.....on my Flickr Page I've got Rosie O'Donnell listed as one of my friends....I don't know why she doesn't have me listed as one of hers though. I sort of fell upon her page by accident one day and I thought "how funny...I'll mark her as a friend"

She posts some very interesting pictures, it's funny to see "her side of things" (you know on the other side of the cameras kinda thing).

She gets tons of hits on her flickr page, but then what do you expect from geeks like me....what really creeps me out though are the people that have her listed as a "friend" and then have favorited almost every one of her pictures. What's even creepier....those people who's only favorited photos are Rosie's......what's up with that? I've seen some folks who favorite every one of her pictures and have no other favorites....why would you favorite every one? That makes no sense. I'm glad I'm not Rosie!

Well every now and again she'll show up on my "home page" that shows my "friends" who have just updated their pictures....whenever she shows up there I always look...and guess what...I was the first one to look at the pictures she just posted...how creepy am I?

We need to Rock The Vote

I've been asked by a good friend of mine to help stack the vote for a contest.

Seriously though....I've been asked to help spread the news for my friends band who is up for some awards and every little vote helps.

If you have an opportunity could you please go to:


And submit a vote for the band "It Starts Today" they're actually listed for 3 categories - Best Hardcore, Best Live Show and Artist of the Year - Vote for them in each category.

If you like you can even go to their Myspace page and check out some of their tunes.

Go ahead vote....what have you got to lose?


I've got a dilemma and I don't know what to do....so I need your help.

I'm moving in a few weeks, so I really don't care in the long run, but there's a problem at my building that's been bugging me.

One of my neighbors have put out a bird feeder to attract lovely little birds, and they've attracted a lot of birds. I think it's lovely and it's nice to see those little critters flitting about and eating the seed......the problem is - the seed that's falling to the ground is attracting rats.

Three times now I've walked in from the street and "startled" at least 4 rats which go scurrying back behind the bushes - ICK!

I hate city rats!

So here's my dilemma - I'm moving in less than two weeks, so should I call the Management company and tell them about the rats?

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Finally recovered

Wow, what a weekend....it took me two full days to recover from all the fun that Andrea and I had over the weekend. It was a crazy weekend that kept us going until after 1:00am almost every day.....talk about your party animals!

All I can say is if you ever party with Andi, you'd better take your vitamins!

If you'd like to check out my pictures - check here.

I'll try to make a movie, but right now I've got to focus on packing and getting ready to move....it's T-15 days!

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

You've got to see this to believe this!

Check out THIS guy, it's amazing.

It's Safe for work and all that jazz

We're on the final countdown!

No NASA is not launching another space shuttle into space........oh remember that movie The Final Countdown? I saw that movie in the theaters....wow that was 1980, I was all of 11 years old...no wonder I went to see that movie.

We're actually on a really fun countdown! In less than 24 hours Andi, who's Big Butch Husband saved her from being robbed, is going to be in town!

If we don't post over the weekend that just means we're having too much fun!

I've been watching as much BBC television as I can this week to bone up on my English accents, I need to be prepared. Because when I'm drunk I don't listen very well and when Andi gets drunk she starts talking fast it's a deadly combination! I've also been watching a lot of Keeping Up Appearances and Are You Being Served, not so much for practice, just that I find them funny.

Oh my god, I had no idea that AYBS was from 1972! Boy those Brits are way ahead of us on the whole comedy thing, no wonder we steal everything from you, Americanize it and make it crap.

Ok, well I've got to go shove things under my bed and in my closets so I can make a good second impression!

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

In less than 48 Hours

I will once again be graced with the presence of That Ropey Old Bird from Ohio - Andi!

She's arriving on Thursday and then Friday afternoon we're getting in the car and driving up to Madison, WI to attend the DCI World Championships.

See, The Boyfriend twirls....well I mean yeah he's gay and all but he is an avid rifle tosser and that has nothing to do with tossing salad in case you were wondering. Seriously though, The Boyfriend has participated in Color Guard/Drum Corp activities since he's been a teenager and the big culmination to all of the events all of the competitions is this weekend in Madison - actually I think it started today. The Boyfriend has been particiapting in a Alumni Corp which is going to do a special presentation on Friday, when Andi and George were up in March she was talking with The Boyfriend and he mentioned all of this too her.....

So she's coming up and we're doing a ROAD TRIP!

So any suggestions for things to do in the car for 2 hours each way?

I'm pretty sure we'll have a video camera - so anyone want a shout out specificially? Let me know in the comments and we'll give you a shout out...... In fact we'll give a shout out to anyone if you want to drive them this way......could be fun.

I need a Sugar Daddy

So that he can buy me a condo here for my winter home.

Could you imagine living there? Regardless of where it is actually located that has got to be one of the most amazing real estate developments I've seen in ages.

So should we all pool our money so we can rent a place for a week?

Check out THESE pictures.

Apparently this isn't the only island he's built, check THIS out.

Here's his website

Why is it?

That when you wake up and go to the bathroom to pee at 4:00 am you can never get back to sleep......but when you wake up with the alarm clock and hit the snooze button you're dead asleep by the time it goes off again!

I used to play the old alarm clock game, you know set it early so you can get a couple of snoozes in before you really have to get up....but then I figured, all I was really doing was pissing myself off...even before I got out of bed. So a few months ago, I decided that I would set the alarm to give me one snooze, after that I HAD to get up otherwise be late for work (and one thing about me - I'm NEVER late).

So now my alarm goes off at 6:21 and I get one 9 minute snooze before I hurl myself out of bed and into the shower.

My real question though is.....who in the hell ever decided that 9 minutes was the correct "snooze" time? Why not 10 minutes or even 6 minutes...why 9?

What's the snooze duration on your alarm clock?

Thursday, August 03, 2006

I want your opinion!

I bet this poor guy was framed, what do you think?

Serious Daters at 7 PM and Casual Daters at 9 PM please

Sunday afternoon we went to our local watering hole-Big Chicks for some food and libations (they have a cookout on Sundays with burgers and such) but even more so Vodka Lemondades!!!

As always it was great to see friends and hang out with them, and also to meet some new people and oggle and the latest eye candy.

A girl was walking around handing out these flyers asking us if we'd come to their Speed Dating event later in the week.

I did one of these Gay Speed Dating things a few years ago - talk about a waste of money - the only people that were interested in me were the ones I was not interested and vice versa - it was very difficult on the ego!

I think Speed Dating is a great concept - if you're hot! If you're just a plain jane it's not fun at all.

But what I found most interesting about this Speed Dating event was that "Serious Daters" were asked to come at 7:00 and "Casual Daters" at 9:00?

I guess they figured that if someone came at 7:00 and wasn't able to meet up with someone within a two hour period those boys who are just looking for a quick trip to the bedroom should be able to fly in and whip through the crowd and take who they want!

I wonder how the event went? How many of the "serious daters" ended up as a Casual Dater's conquest?

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

If the masks are released, please put your own mask on first before helping others

This has got to be one of the strangest things I've seen lately....not so much that it's a music video over top of a McDonald's Training tape...it's that everyone on the tape is so friendly and happy and excited to be there.

It sort of reminds me of those safety videos they show on an airplane instead of the flight attendant demonstrating....there's the one part where the masks are relased from their hiding place and everyone calmly grabs them and puts them on.....now come on people, believe me you, if you are EVER on an airplane and those masks deploy, I'll be sure as shit, that you will not be calm like those people.

I mean honestlly when was the last time you were in a McDonald's and it wasn't just utter freaking chaos behind the counter.....why don't they show that on their training tape?

It's So Hot

It's So HOT
Originally uploaded by Michael_L.
That the plants are committing suicide.