Friday, December 28, 2007

HEY.......

Where ya from?

OMG, I really think I'm a teenaged girl!

OMG, CYBI? I just got my cellphone bill and i about gagged on my Lipton Apple Flavored Tea. My bill was close to $100 when it should be around $50. As I pulled out my magnifying glass and started going through the bill with a fine tooth comb I see what happened. They were charging me $10 for GPS service that I never downloaded or used, I'm getting that $10 back! The other frightening thing is I went over my text message package by 259 messages......that means I get to pay Verizon $25.90 EXTRA this month because I've been using my cell phone as a teletype instead of a telephone.

I sent and received 759 messages this past month, now considering that there are 30 days in a month that means that on average I "handled" up to 25 text messages a day. WTF was I doing?

It is amazing though, if you just push one little button instead of pressing a whole bunch of other buttons to spell out a whole bunch of different words you get to actually speak to the person - LIVE! You can ask them any questions you want or just breath heavy if that's your game - but since Caller ID is de rigueur that game isn't as much fun as it used to be. Ain't technology wonderful?

Geez man....I had no idea that I was so "in" with the "in" crowd. I always knew that I was a Teenage Girl at heart, but I think that I've really proved it this time. I mean I love me some Disney Princesses (as can be witnessed by my lastest America's Most Embarrassing Moment). I think I may have to go out and find a Sugar Daddy so I can support my text messaging habit.

OK, L8R Bitches!(oh yeah, apparently that's the cool way to say goodbye to your friends so don't get mad at me for calling you a bitch....but then if you are a bitch you already knew that and you didn't need me to tell you)

I figure I must be about 13......how old do you think you are?

Of Polar Bears and Penquins

Have you seen that Coca Cola commercial with the Polar Bears?

I'm sure you have.....the Polar Bears have been the official mascot of Coca-Cola for several years now.

What I find funny about the most current incarnation of the commercial with the Polar Bears being approached by a bunch of Penquins who offer the Bears bottles of Coke.

Am I the only one left that really knows that Polar Bears and Penquins don't mix?

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

All I got for Christmas


Bad Haircut
Originally uploaded by Michael_L
Was a really bad haircut.....(not really I got a few other things)

What did you get?

Monday, December 24, 2007

It doesn't seem like the holidays.

I think it's me because it doesn't seem like the Holidays at all. It just seems like a really busy, pushy time of year. Holidays used to be a time when we could reflect on the year that's gone by remembering the good times and reminding ourselves about the not so good times.

One thing I love about living in Chicago is being able to enjoy Chicago. Right now I'm sitting in my local grocery store watching the frenzy around me. People pushing and shoving to get in line to buy the few things they need to hold them over for the day and half that the store will be closed (which reminds me, we need milk). On the Magnificent Mile people are even ruder, I witnessed a woman with a dog, in the mall get mad at a kid who stepped on her precious little creature because the mall was packed and I thought you weren't allowed to have lahopsa opsas in the mall I don't think it was a seeing eye dog.

Christmas seems so commercial here in the States...you've got to have this, your loved one will love this, don't forget aunt so-and-so, it seems endless.

Although I may not be with my family this year, I actually am with my family – my Friends. This is what Christmas is about – not running around buying presents for people who wont remember next year what you bought them last year but feel obligated to do so – no Christmas is the time to be around the ones you love. In that respect, I've had a great Holiday.

So while you're running around in the hustle and bustle of all that is life, just take a deep breath and realize exactly what is important.

Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Britney Spears is rubbing off on her sister

No, she's not rubbing one off....she's just rubbing off on her sister.

Can you believe that Jamie Lynn is pregnant....at 16?!? WTF?!?

I bet Brit Brit tries to steal the kid and make it her own....who wants to bet?

I guess it's true, the apple doesn't fall far from the Trailer Park.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Welcome to Zoo Lights


Welcome to Zoo Lights
Originally uploaded by Michael_L
Every year the Lincoln Park Zoo (one of the few remaining free zoos in the country) lights up the night with Zoo Lights.

We decided to go and see what all the hoopla was about, if you'd like to follow along just click on the picture or HERE and you can join us as we walk around the zoo.

I was rather disappointed though, I must admit, it was not anything like I had expected for a Zoo to do. I mean come on, anyone can wrap lights around a tree......I wanted to see lights wrapped around a giraffe or perhaps a lion - now THAT takes talent.

I'm just kidding, Zoo Lights was fun, it was cold, it was a great night out with friends to enjoy all that is Chicago and get kicked out of the gift shop because we were playing with all of the stuffed animals.

I wish you were here so you could have gone with us....perhaps next year?

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

What are things coming to in Boystown?

Boystown used to be the gay mecca in Chicago. It was the area where all of the gay boys congregated, it was the Castro of the Midwest! I don't think you could be gay and not have lived in Boystown at one point or another, but recently the neighborhood has really been changing. I remember a time in the not so distant past when the only people that got on the El at Belmont were gay boys......now there's hardly any gay boys at that stop. There used to be a time when you couldn't throw a high heeled shoe without hitting a gay boy in Boystown....but not anymore. The bars are still there, but now there are a whole lot more straight bars, and families, and baby carriages. People moving into new construction next to a night club and then suing the night club because they play music late at night (I guess they didn't realize where they were moving to).

Even more so lately there are fewer and fewer gay boys in Boystown - it's still gay, all the bars are there and the Center on Halsted is there, and the Rainbow Pylons on there, but it's not the Boystown of years past.

A friend of mine sent me this email, and I had to share it with you because it just so puncuates what's happening to Boystown and what's happening to "our generation." I just have one question....what the fuck is wrong with people


Dear Michael,

My friend Paul and I were having dinner at Las Mañanitas last night. We sat next to a family of a man, a mother, another woman and four kids under 10. Now, it was Friday and busy, and I'm sure we waited 45 minutes for a table for two, so I can only imagine how long the group of 7 must have waited. It was at least 9:30, which is bed time, not dinner time, and the kids were tired, hungry, cranky and really unruly, none of which was their fault of course. It was just another case of unforgivably bad Generation X parenting.

Mom seemed okay with letting the kids run amok (out of their seats and running around, yelling to get her attention while she chatted with the other grown-ups at the table . . . I know you know the drill all too well and I'm sure you also know that there's just no room for that at Las Mañanitas), until the kids got to be too annoying and whiny for her to have a conversation. At first I thought for sure that the man who turned out to be the father was the gay uncle. He reminded a lot of my future ex-brother-in-law, Jim--cheesy metrosexual haircut and no damn help at all with the kids. When mom had had enough of one of the kids, she stood up and pushed her chair backwards and grabbed one of her kids by the arm and started yelling. She was so engaged in yelling at her daughter, that she didn't realize the chair had knocked a five-foot-tall potted palm over and onto a woman sitting at another table.

The woman's partner, let's call her "the sensitive dyke," after helping her partner get the palm tree off of her, said to the family, "thank you for ruining everyone's evening," which seemed a tad melodramatic to me, but I was elated that someone had dared to say something.

Mom stopped yelling at the girl long enough to challenge the sensitive dyke with, "Excuse me."

Sensitive dyke said it again and added, "you just knocked the palm tree onto my partner."

Mom had the gall to look around the room amused. She really didn't seem able to fathom that anyone would actually say anything to her. I'm sure she does this at the mall all the time. She never once apologized. Instead she chuckled and said something sarcastic to sensitive dyke. It was something like, "I think she'll live." And then she went on with something like, "Ooooh, I ruined everyone's night. Whaaaaatever."

Sensitive dyke tried to explain what the problem was calmly but was met with a caustic, sarcastic comment every time. Everyone who could see was watching and listening. The waitstaff had gathered and was moving the palm tree. Sensitive dyke gave up and sat down. Someone at another table yelled across the restaurant, "Jodie Foster is gay." I guess mom looked a little like Jodie Foster. I was thinking that it seemed like the straight family felt entitled to act like they were at the Olive Garden at Lincolnwood while they were in the gay restaurant in Boystown, and that this was a nice way to break the tension.

The non sequitur might have worked. Everyone kinda laughed, except the family, until mom yelled back, "that's probably why she stabbed herself."

I was really shocked, and it takes a lot for me. Now it was sensitive dyke's partner's turn to challenge mom with, " What did you just say?"

And mom started to repeat it, until a big hot guy from another table yelled, "Shut the fuck up!"

Mom started to say something back, but the same guy said, "No, bitch, you need to shut the fuck up and get your kids under control," and threw his balled up napkin at her. People in the restaurant applauded. Or maybe it was just me. Mom looked at gay dad, then gay dad stood up and said something intelligent like, "No, you shut up . . . I don't want to have to kick your ass."

Big hot guy said back, "No, you need to shut the fuck up too. You can't even control your kids." Metrosexual wimp dad was barking up the wrong tree with the big hot guy, but what else was a "straight" (ha ha) guy going to do when someone was throwing stuff at his wife and telling her to "shut the fuck up, bitch?" I knew queer-as-a-three-dollar-bill dad wasn't about to do anything. But the waiters all rushed over and quietly told the family they needed to settle down or they would have to leave. Way to go, Las Mañanitas!

Of course, seeing all this, the kids were very upset, which is the most unfortunate aspect. I really feel bad for the kids who got traumatized in public because their parents are assholes with poor parenting skills. To the family's credit, they went into doting parent mode, but it got turned into, "Noooo, nooooo, honey . . . it wasn't your fault . . . it was those mean gay people." The other woman with group (I don't know if it was a group marriage or what), and to a lesser extent metrosexual dad, tried pretty unsuccessfully to reason with mom about how she might not have been the victim here. Mom eventually sent a pitcher of margaritas to the table that had told her to shut up, but I never once heard the words, "I'm sorry," cross her lips.

I would be willing to bet my raise that she's telling this story today as how she was straight-bashed in Boystown last night.

Where does an old queen go for dinner?

Bank of America is so good to me

I have a credit card with Bank of America....I've had it forever and always try to pay off the balance like a good American every month - NOT. This notice was at the bottom of my last statement:

REDUCED PAYMENT OFFER: PAY ONLY $15 THIS MONTH. REGULAR PAYMENTS WILL RESUME NEXT MONTH. FINANCE CHARGES WILL CONTINUE TO ACCRUE. PAYING ONLY THE REDUCED PAYMENT AMOUNT WILL EXTEND YOUR TERM AND MAY NOT BE ENOUGH TO PAY OFF YOUR FINANCE CHARGES. PLEASE REMEMBER TO PAY ON TIME TO AVOID LATE FEES. GET EXTRA CASH FAST! JUST WRITE ONE OF THE ENCLOSED CHECKS TODAY! GET THE CASH YOU NEED! CALL 1-800-XXX-XXXX TO HAVE YOUR AVAILABLE FUNDS DEPOSITED INTO YOUR CHECKING ACCOUNT TODAY!
SIMPLIFY YOUR LIFE. SIGN UP FOR AUTOMATIC PAYMENT DEDUCTION.
PLEASE CALL US AT 1-800-XXX-XXXX FOR MORE DETAILS.
Basically what they want me to do is only pay $15 instead of my regular monthly payment and in exchange for them saving me all of that extra money they get to charge me 2 months of interest payments - ain't that nice of them.
No wonder Americans are in the Credit Crunch that they're in....

Monday, December 17, 2007

GE must need a big tax write off this year

The Roommate is watching that "Clash of the Choirs" program on NBC. I came into it late so didn't quite get what was going on....all I saw were soliders and Generals and thinking to myself "Ah, GE is trying to bolster support for the war." Which is a great thing, I think at this time of the year (hell all year long) that we have to remember that there is a War going on....even though we're carrying on as "normal" and pretending that nothing is really going on....but there IS a WAR Going on, and we do need to remember to support our troops. Those men and women that are over there fighting for my right to be an American Citizen. I could never be a solider and was very disappointed when the "don't ask, don't tell" policy came into being. I had a great escape planned to Canada if I would ever been called to service...thank goodness that never happened......so I continue wathing "Clash of the Choirs" and suddenly the head of GE, who happens to be a Brigadire General, enters the stage and says that GE is donating $250 Million USD to the Disabled Veterans Fund.....yeah GE, that's great....that's wonderful what you're doing.....You are so generous during this time of year.......wait.......you're basically giving the US Government money........yeah.....you're "donating" $250M to support Disabled Veterans.....veterans that the US Government should be taking care of because they're veterans........but they're not because they've spent so much freaking money on this stupid endless war......so I guess GE must be needing a big tax write off this year because of their donation......because they give the $250M away and then they get to write it off too....right?

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Friday, December 14, 2007

Make Do


A walk down Michigan Avenue
Originally uploaded by Michael_L
When you lose your Bluetooth headset what is a boy to do? Improvise!

I don't need no stinkin' Bluetooth.....I'm just afraid of what's going to happen during the summer.....ear muffs won't be too warm will they?

Now I've got to listen to Abba all day!

Now that I've watched this trailer, it's going to be an All-Day Friday Abba Day on my iPod.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

2 Girls, 1 Cup - A Reaction (another one)

Boy, you are so lucky that you don't live near me....otherwise I'd probably pull this joke on you too.

Monday, December 10, 2007

The Roommate's Reaction to 2 Girls 1 Cup

Have you seen 2 girls, 1 cup? If you haven't you're going to have to find it all on your own. There is no way in the world that I would ever want your mother to think that I provided the link.

Regardless, my Roommate saw 2 Girls, 1 Cup this evening....this is his reaction:



You should watch it and then video tape your friends. They'll thank you for it.

Britney Spears is at it again

Oh that Britney Spears, she's such a card. She just never tires of being in the public eye does she? If only she would start performing again she'd have something to do with her spare time instead of all the crazy whacked out things she's been doing lately.

I just found out through my secret sources over at MSNBC and TMZ have reported that Brit Brit stole a lighter over the weekend.....a lighter worth a whopping $1.39 (plus tax i'm sure)

Does no one have anything better to do?

Brit Brit needs a job!

A Butt On the iPhone

We were at the Apple Store on Michigan Avenue yesterday looking at the new iPhones.

You'll be surprised at what we found when we started looking at the photos people had taken.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Wamu is watching my back


Wamu is watching my back
Originally uploaded by Michael_L
I think it's so great that Wamu is watching my back. I've got a credit card with them that has a zero balance so they sent me this checks so I can access those unutilized dollars.

First off they're offering me an amazing 1.99%* Introductory APR for only 6 months and then it's going to only go up to 12.24% + The then current Prime Rate, currently just 19.99%

Oh then on top of it they're going to charge me a 3% "transaction fee" to just cash the check (with a $5 minimum/$75 maximum).

WHAT THE FUCK!

I hate these stupid fucking "convenience checks" that the bank just sends all the fucking time so that I'll fall for their stupid little ploy to make them more money.

Monday, December 03, 2007

A Movie Weekend - In Review

Inspirational, Fucked Up, Enchanted

Those are the words that I would use to describe the movies I saw this weekend.

First I saw "For the Bible Tells Me So" a documentary about how the right wing Christian conservative has used select phrases from the bible to condemn homosexuality to improve their agenda.

This movie is currently making the "Art House" theater run, and if it's in your town you should really go see it. Whether you're gay, straight, lesbian, transgender, it doesn't matter this movie will help you understand how the "church" uses only select pieces of select verses to explain how god thinks homosexuality is a sin. This was an amazing movie, but after about 45 minutes of facts things started to get muddle. It's not the movies fault, An Inconvenient Truth was the same way.

Then I saw "It is Fine. Everything is Fine." All I can say is FUCKED UP! Read about it yourself, because those descriptions make more sense than this movie. It was the weirdest most fucked up movie I have ever seen. The thing that was more intriguing than the movie was the audience. Everyone sat stoned faced and totally drawn into the movie while my friend and I sat there looking at each other - me with my hand over my mouth laughing harder than I've ever laughed and him with a look of disgust on his face.

Here's how I'd describe that movie - uhm.....I can't. Although they do show a lot of boobies and a man with cerebal palsy gets a blowjob from a woman who then straddles him and puts his penis in her vagina (yes I know the proper words for those things).

It was THE MOST DISTURBING thing I have ever seen.

Fortunately the last movie I saw as Enchanted and Enchanted was enchanting.

Have you seen it yet? You really need to! It was funny, it was sad, it was predictible but I will definitely buy it when it comes on DVD and I've already purchased the soundtrack.

Friday, November 23, 2007

One Hundred, Three Thousand, Six Hundred Eighty Seconds


All lined up
Originally uploaded by Michael_L

That's how long Thanksgiving took this year. Now sersiously, have you ever thought how much time goes into Thanksgiving in the United States.

I was thinking about the time that we invested in Thanksgiving this year and here's the breakdown (this is just my time and will be doubled to include The Roommates time as well to get an accurate reading on the entire project).


4 - Hours planning the party (Involving what to eat and who to invite)
3 - Hours shopping (including the major trip and the 4 side trips for things that we forgot)
7 - Hours of prep the morning of Thanksgiving
24 - Minutes to eat Thanksgiving Dinner
4 - Hours to clean up
14 Hours, 24 Minutes *2 = 103,680 Seconds

Do you want to know how you can cut down on all of that time..... follow along with me, I'm your non-typical American Thanksgiving Party Hostess.....I like Thanksgiving, but to me it's always been about family and friends and not about putting on a huge fancy meal.

Many of my friends love to throw lavish, extravegant dinner parties that involve name plates at your seat, amazing flowers and dessert that requires a special spoon, whereas I'm more of a "Bitch, this is a working dinner party" kind of hostess.

The best times I've had with my friends have always been during working dinner parties.

What's a working dinner party you ask?

As a Harried Hostess why should my guests feel that they can just walk into my home, have a few cocktails, sit down at an extravagently decorated table, eat an exquisite meal, only to finish off the port along with dessert and leave 15 minutes later...yeah I don't know why they feel like that?

Instead, as my guests enter I like to give them little "chores" to do before dinner. Perhaps it's setting the table or organizing the wine and getting the first bottle open, maybe pulling the salad out of the fridge and put it through it's paces in the salad spinner. This way everyone has an opportunity to join in on the fun of throwing a dinner party. Everyone gets to laugh and has a chance to feel as though they've had a hand in pulling off the entire event.

The fun part about all of this is that people who have been to dinner before always volunteer for projects early in the game......because they know that eventually everyone will have a hand in dinner. Some of it is pretty and beautiful like setting the table......but some of it isn't so glamourous like bussing the table of the empty plates that their fellow dining guests just finished using or putting the food away. Of course the fun and pretty chores get taken early by the guests who have been before leaving only those gross and disgusting chores left for the newbies, I guess it's sort of like an initiation per se.

Everyone had a great time at Thanksgiving, but really what was the total cost of Thanksgiving this year? The US Goverment says that Thanksgiving Dinner for 10 will cost you around $40USD, well I can tell you, it cost us a whole lot more than $40 and we only had 6 people:

Cost of Manpower to conduct Thanksgiving = ~$300

Cost of Ingredients to conduct Thanksgiving = $150

Cost of Ingredients guests brought to share = $100

Cost of spending the day laughing, eating and enjoying the time spent with all of your friends = Priceless!

I hope that your Thanksgiving was Priceless this year, I know that mine was.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Can ya help a girl out?

My friend Stevie is conducting a survey for his Grad School Project.

Would you please take a minute and complete this short (100 question, er I mean 10 question) survey for Stevie.

Click Here to take survey

He is telling me that the demographic for this survey is Female Women between the age of 18 and 54 who like to cook and I told him that was completly my kinda girls!

So come on ladies (and you few boys) pony up and answer!

He already has 60 responders and only needs 40 more, come I know we can do it if we put our ass in to it.

The Harried Housewife


The Harried Housewife
Originally uploaded by Michael_L
I hope you've got your Thanksgiving under control...I know I do!

Happy Thanksgiving


Cheetos from a bag
Originally uploaded by Michael_L
If you're celebrating Thanksgiving Today - Happy Thanksgiving.

If you're not - Happy Thursday, Friday is right around the corner!

So I ask you, what's worse, eating Cheetos out of a Walgreens bag because they were leftover from the party or just eating the Cheetos and leaving the pretzels behind?

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

CONTEST ANNOUNCEMENT - NAME THAT PUSSY!

I am proud to announce that a winner has been named, please direct your attention to this special announcement.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

How big is it?

Really, how big is it....you know I'm talking about your Turkey!
Which do you prefer?
BEFORE or AFTER?

Monday, November 19, 2007

Sunday, November 18, 2007

John McEnroe & Roger Federer stopped by


John McEnroe & Roger Federerer (I think)
Originally uploaded by Michael_L
Last evening I was surprised to open the door and find John McEnroe and Roger Federer standing on my welcome mat holding their gear!

Well I wasn't really that surprised, I mean I did invite them, but still I was surprised to see them!

We held the first (of many I'm sure) Wii Tennis Tournaments! Click HERE to see all of the photos.

We had 22 players who all competed in what was supposed to be a double elimination had I done the brackets right! It's really not my fault, everyone knows that I'm sportaly challenged, I mean hell, I just found out that there's a strategy to baseball. Fortunately one of my friends was able to walk me through it and make sure everyone had a chance at winning.

Everyone was great and made a donation to cover expenses and the money left over went to the Tournament Winner (plus a shiny new tiara)! I'm embarrassed to say that I made it into the Final 2. I signed up so we would have even brackets...I tried to lose so badly, but I kept winning! Not good for the host to win!

We had an hour of practice and the games started....for the next 3.5 hours everyone got a chance to play at least two full matches and advance up the bracket for the chance to win the money.

It was a rambuctious group of trash-talking, cheer leading, court running, bellyache laughing bunch of queens (oh yeah and one straight couple). We laughed and laughed and laughed watching everyone play tennis and making fools of themselves, it was the best time we'd had in a long time.

We all had a great time and finally awarded the final prize at 11:45 pm, just in time to shut off the lights and head out to the bars to spend the prize winnings.

I'll let you know when we're having the next one so you can stop by and play with us!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Snap Shots

Introducing Snap Shots from Snap.com

I just installed a nice little tool on this site called Snap Shots that enhances links with visual previews of the destination site, interactive excerpts of Wikipedia articles, MySpace profiles, IMDb profiles and Amazon products, display inline videos, RSS, MP3s, photos, stock charts and more.

Sometimes Snap Shots bring you the information you need, without your having to leave the site, while other times it lets you "look ahead," before deciding if you want to follow a link or not.

Should you decide this is not for you, just click the Options icon in the upper right corner of the Snap Shot and opt-out.

BREAKING NEWS: OMG, Lindsay Lohan is in Jail

Oh, but don't worry she was only in there for 84 minutes. The great thing about all of this is that Lindsay will be able to look at Nicole Ritche and say "Bitch, I'm tougher than you, I was in jail 2 minutes longer than you were."

Can you believe this?

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

She doesn't know me at ALL!

I got this email at work today. How she got my email address I'll never know. But really she doesn't know me at all.


Hello

My name is Natalia.

how are you?

I find your profile and e-mail on a site of acquaintances.

I want to find the more friend and my love.

If you is real are interested, answer to me and we can begin our acquaintance.

A little about me.

I was born 15 OCT 1979.

I work as the manager in the insurance company.

I want to find the man who can love me whom I will also ready to love and care.

And i believe, i can have all part of what you want in soulmate, out of thousands of people that is on here, i find you to be my true choice and i hope that you should feel the same way too.

It's

mmmmmmmmm

really a wonderful moment as am writing this letter to you and i pray that i should hear a good and sweat reply from you.

You may be in long distance from me, but i believe that love can do everything.

I believe love can move mountain and love can turn people's life to wonderful life and sweet one. Ok, i wish that you should write me ine-mail and lets talk and get to know more about each other.

My new friend I ask you to write to me on e-mail:magnificent_nata@yahoo.com

because the Internet here is very bad, but on e-mail I can check my

mail easily.

I will be great to read a nice letter from you.

Hoping in God of love and in power of love I hope to hear from you.

Thanks for the reading my letter.

Natalia.



She doesn't know me at all does she? Should I write her back?

Name That Pussy Contest, the answers

Thank you one and all for your entries to our Name That Pussy contest.

Now the fun starts, I took the first ten entries (sorry all of the poll tools I have limit it to 10 answers) and I will leave it up to you to Name That Pussy



The contest ends November 12th at 11:59:59 pm.

I never ask for link sharing, but I would totally love it if you would offer some linkage to the contest, I'd like to get as many people to vote as possible, so if you have it in your heart, you can direct folks to this link:

Monday, November 12, 2007

Brian Urlacher is having a sissy fit

Brian Urlacher of the Chicago Bears is having a straight boy hissy fit with the media.

Now if you know me at all, you know that I don't follow sports, AT ALL! So for me to know and understand what is going on is huge. Remember that secret I confessed to you when I was on Loopy Fruit - Sports Edition?

Apparently some newspaper writer wrote something about Brian Urlacher and he didn't like it. So now when the media asks him any question he only answers with a grunt of a yes or a no and nothing else. Whenever anyone wants to ask further questions he just clams up and doesn't say anything.

Now don't get me wrong, I understand people getting snippy when they're vilified in the newspaper but come on people.....it's sports...and he's a sports star - at least in Chicago he is - I can't talk for the rest of the world, and I'm sure however he was "mis-quoted" is really not all that much.

He's just having a big straight boy hissy fit.

In fact, I've dubbed him Brian Gurlacher, it's fitting isn't it?

Spider Man 3 is SO GAY!

Last night was Movie Night. We were running a little late and didn't get there until after the movie had already been picked and was just starting.....so my selection of movies really didn't make it into the running, plus I had already brought the one that they were watching so I knew that we were going to end up watching that one, which was cool with me.


My friends that originally organized Movie Night hosted last night because they had just gotten a new flat screen tv - it was a virgin, it was so lovely!


We watched Spider Man 3, which is cool I really enjoyed the first two and everyone loves a super hero movie.


But what the fuck is up with Spider Man 3, it was so fucking GAY! And for me to say that, you know it must be gay!


One of the great things about Movie Night is that talking along is allowed and encouraged. It's sort of like a gay Mystery Science 3000. We had all sorts of story lines going, but the biggest one was that Peter & Harry were closet lovers, I mean the way they were acting with each other you would have sworn that they had butt fucked! Oh woe is me, boo hoo, you killed my fater....now kiss me.....no not like that, like this......oh boo hoo....I've got a girlfriend I can't have sex with becuase I live in a studio - why the fuck doesn't he live with her? I mean her apartment was crap, his was crap, but they could have easily afforded a much nicer space of crap together.....Oh that's right because Spider Man was GAY in this movie!


So in touch with his feelings, his emotions. I swear there were looks that they gave each other that were so subtle only the eye of a gay man would see it. Those looks of longing and "I'm all alone."


Overall I liked Spider Man 3, it took a while to get going, but the special effects were amazing (expected) and the story line did move the plot along. The only thing that really confused me was the whole timeline...how long after Spider Man 2 does Spider Man 3 occur? At some points they were making references that it had just happened last week and then other times it was like years away!?!? I'm confused.


So, I give it 3 out of 5 stars, but only because it was SO GAY!!!

Friday, November 09, 2007

NEWSFLASH: Christmas officially cancelled in LA & Chicago

All I can say is THANK GOD!

The FBI recently announced that shopping malls in the LA & Chicago area are possible targets by al Qaeda, now why in God's Name would al Qaeda want to go shopping at Old Navy and Kohl's?



al Qaeda has been talking about this September, which means it's right around the same time that Target started putting up their Halloween/Thanksgiving/Christmas decorations to get us all in the mood to spend more money than we have in our bank accounts.



So I am making the first official anouncement....Christmas is cancelled in Chicago! Sorry folks but I can't risk being seen, er....I mean, can't risk being caught in, er....I mean, I can't risk having my life ended only because I wanted to get my sister a cheap hoodie from Old Navy and some candles for my Mom from Illiminations.



Please don't expect Christmas presents from me, I'm too afraid (meaning I've never been) to go to the mall! I hope you all understand.



And I'm sure now that I've added the words al Qaeda to a blog post I'm going to get even more traffic from the US Government. I bet they're just looking for Pussy anyways - btw, have you voted yet?

Ya'll Are Coming in the House Right NOW!

OMG, it's that time of year again already!

Halloween is a distant memory the clocks are falling back this weekend and cold weather is soon to be upon us.

More importantly though, it's time for all of the plants to make their way back into the house. Some plantracide will occur this weekend as I dispose of the hanging baskets of the summer. Please don't tell them that they're going in the dumpster while their potted friends will be moving indoor to the cushy warmth of a forced air furnace. The hanging plants did a great job this summer of showing off their foliage and flowers and they really reminded me how much of a fucking pain in the ass hanging baskets are. I'd forgotten how much maintenance they require. I much prefer throwing a bunch of flowers in the ground and occassionally tossing some water at them.

It was great having a deck this summer. I can honestly say, that there is nothing better than having a big deck. We enjoyed the heck out of our big deck this summer, as did our friends. We loved showing it off to new people, everyone is always impressed when they see it for the first time. Although after they'd been over a few times they realized it wasn't as big as they had originally thought and there had been a lot more people over for dinner than just you.

Having a big deck gave me a chance to play with my green thumb. I had a semi-successful herb growing season. We were going great until an August thunderstorm threw the herbs off the railing and thrust them to the ground thereby destroying them. I cried for a few days and finally consoled myself that I had at least made one batch of pesto before it all came crashing down.

My regular "house plants" loved being on the big deck this year. It was the perfect combination of direct, yet not quite in your eyes, kind of sunlight. My Elephant Palm doubled in size and the spider plant that my old neighbors gave me went from a single sprig to a huge plant. But alas, winter is starting to bear down on us and the plants have to make their way in.

I hate bringing the plants in for the summer, it's sort of finally resigning and giving into Mother Nature and letting her have her way. But I can't say I was surprised, it happens around this time every year - what a coincidence!

Thursday, November 08, 2007

My Pussy!

OMG, I am estatic about the amount of traffic that my Pussy is bringing to this site.

If I would have known that Pussy caused this much of a comotion I would have gotten one a long time ago. If I had known, I'd have a house full of pussies by now and be a little old lady sharing their Tender Vittles with them.

Who knew Pussy was so good? I didn't!

Thank you everyone for sharing the links, keep sending voters! The polling places are open until November 12th.

Current Contest Running:
FIRST PLACE (TIE - in alphabetical order)
- El Gato Furrizales
- Presto
- Senator
- Skyy

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

I'm turning into a Porn Site





Yes, you read that correctly, I am turning into a Porn Site. Boy I bet you're surprised aren't you? Well not as half as surprised as I am!

I just have to share this with you because I think it's farking hilarious! Right now there are a whole lot of pissed off straight boys looking for porn that are coming to my site, all because of my little Pussy Naming contest!


I was looking at my Statcounter today becuase I haven't looked at in a couple of days. I know enough that if I don't post, I don't have traffic, that's my own fault, so it is what it is. All of a sudden I started getting a lot of hits, like already at 95 today, which is huge traffic for me. It reminds me of that traffic I got when I spelled Jennifer Annistons name wrong!


And my big hits were all from Technorati! We all know what that is don't we? What was it, had I recently unwittingly posted a tell all post about how Britney Spears is going to be the new Liza Minelli? Had I just written an almost pulitzer prize winning column? No, it was all about PUSSY!

So all these boys (and hopefully some girls) are looking for pussy, which I think is great. I love the Internet for Porn, there's always something for everyone and if you want to find it, you'll find it. We've all "stumbled" upon some porn site that we just accidentally keep in our favorites folder because we added it one time and now claim that we don't know how to delete them so they just have to stay there.


The funny thing about it really is that these Boys and Girls are already horned up or at least just getting started. They're using the simple keywords as foreplay, it works out well. But just imagine you're looking for pussy and you end up coming to some gay guys website where he's running a contest to name his new shelter pussy!

The "Charity Box"


All that was in there
Originally uploaded by Michael_L
Every now and then my mom likes to send me a Pennsylvania Survival kit.

Including: All sorts of candy, and granola bars, and chocolate, and cookies, and twizzlers (two kinds), breath mints, peanut m&m's, gum but most of all Tastykakes both Butterscotch Krimpets and Kandykakes. The biggest treat of all though is the Middleswarth Potato Chips - I just can't explain them other than to say they are the complete opposite of Krunchers.

Do your friends ever send you some crazy shit?

Monday, November 05, 2007

What is my obligation?

I have a web voicemail only account with NetZero (www.privatephone.com) check it out, it's free.

I only have this number posted a few places - my business website, my flickr card.

So whenever I get an email telling me I have a message I know that it's probably not for me.

Today I got new voicemail from a doctor's office calling to reschedule an appointment.

So I wonder, what's my obligation? Do I call the doctor's office back and tell them they have the wrong number or do I just ignore it?

Friday, November 02, 2007

What's your favorite Halloween Costume


Famous People on Parade
Originally uploaded by Michael_L
Personally, I most enjoy people who took time to come up with their costumes for Halloween.

Anyone can go to a store and buy a costume or jump into the thrift store and buy a big dress and go in drag, but I'm most impressed with people who actually put thought into their costumes.

We went to the North Halsted Halloween Parade this past week, it was wild, outlandish and "I wanna push your Momma down in the mud" crazy! There were people everywhere.

The stars were out in full force, there were the Mario Brothers (who, coincidentally enough, had been playing with earlier in the evening on my Wii), there was Madonna and George Michael, there was Kelly (Give me those shoes Beetch) and my most favorite was the three girls dressed up as different Britney's: Oops I did it again Britney; I'm prego Brit; and Currently Fat Brit, they were fabulous.

The one thing that really annoyed me were the people that took time to think of their costume but didn't go the extra mile to actually "be that character." One guy who was the spitting image for Wolverine just stood there, and several people when I called their Character's name looked around to see who I was talking to?!? i guess they only thought of the costume and not the full package.

My favorite costumes are those that have the very odd or very outlandish connection, such as these lovely ladies from Grey Gardens! Don't know Grey Garden's go google it...I'll wait. Or the Joan Cusack (thank you TMS, TBF and 5of9) character from 16 Candles.

What's your favorite Halloween Costume?

WHO is this chick


Famous People on Parade
Originally uploaded by Michael_L

The girl in the red, not Tyra Banks, I know who that is. That's my friend Randall!

Who is that chick in the red sweater, I know it's from a movie, is it 16 Candles.

i know that at one point in the movie she uses the dress on the sweatshirt as a napkin.

If you'd like to see all of the halloween pictures click on the picture or HERE

Hope you had a great Halloween!

Monday, October 29, 2007

He's Here, The Phantom of the Oops I dropped it again

When was the last time you saw a silent movie? When was the last time you saw a silent movie on the big screen?


Friday night we had the chance to watch the original 1925 Phantom of the Opera. That's the original Phantom with Lon Chaney, the one that caused so much controversy when it was shown because women were fainting when the Phantom was first revealed.


It was a rainy night and the perfect way to kick of the Halloween Weekend - the "original" horror flick with a pipe organ accompaniment. We sat in the balcony and settled into the pew like seats, thinking that "I hope this is short because these seats are uncomfortable."


The lights dimmed and we were thrust into the past. Back to a time when this was the height of entertainment. When going to the movies was an experience. A time when seeing the phantom in all of it's gorrieness was something you had only imagined and never thought you would actually see.


Watching a silent movie with a huge pipe organ playing the score was amazing. Watching a silent movie on the big screen was amazing. The thing that bewildered me the most was that I didn't miss the dialog, after 10 or 15 minutes I completely forgot that there was no dialog.

The movie was so campy though, Christine fainted I don't know how many times and The Phantom killed someone just by tipping over a boat! All in all though, it was a great way to start the weekend.

Saturday night our neighbor had a big birthday/dinner party for his boyfriend. We had a blast drinking wine, sitting on the patio gabbing and eating birthday cake that had fallen off of the platter and onto the floor.

We had just finished singing Happy Birthday, the birthday boy blew out the candles, and when the host turned around to set the cake down he turned and stopped but Sir Isaac Newton's laws of motion came into play: "...an object in motion tends to stay in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force."

It's true, we saw it happen and we laughed, laughed loudly and for much longer than we should have because we were drunk on wine!

The host was mortified, of course, and was concerned what his guests would think, I told him "You think this party is a flop because you dropped the cake, but I can guarantee you - people will be talking about this party for a LONG TIME." That made him smile, because he knew that was true!

Did you eat cake that had been on the floor this weekend?

Supreme Court to review Exxon Valdez case

I only have one question:

WHY has this issue not been resolved?

The Exxon Valdez crashed into a reef on March 23, 1989 that is ALMOST 20 years ago!

Seriously, if this is the kind of crap that the Supreme Court is having to review, it's no wonder that we're in the f'ed up mess we're in.

Come on Exxon, pay up!

Supreme Court to review Exxon Valdez case - Oil & Energy - MSNBC.com

Friday, October 26, 2007

Dang Nab It! I've been tagged

The ever gracious and fabulous Andy tagged me with a meme! UGH, I never do these but I feel obligated since I actually read through his entire post and saw my name there...ah the shame of not doing it if called upon to do so.


Ok, so here goes it.....


Here’s what you need to do :


A. Upon receiving this tag, immediately perform a screen capture of your desktop. It is best that no icons be deleted before the screen capture so as to add to the element of fun.
You can do a screen capture by going to your desktop and pressing the Print Scrn key (located on the right side of the F12 key). For Macs, press shift-option-3 then look for the .png file on your desktop. Open a graphics program (like Picture Manager, Paint, or Photoshop) and do a Paste (CTRL + V). If you wish, you can “edit” the image, before saving it.

B. Post the picture in your blog. You can also give a short explanation on the look of your desktop just below it if you want. You can explain why you preferred such look or why is it full of icons. Things like that.

C. Tag five of your friends and ask them to give you a Free View of their desktop as well.

D. Add your name to the list of Free Viewers below with a link pointing directly to your Desktop Free View post to promote it to succeeding participants.

The list of Free Viewers so far is:
iRonnie - I Set No Corner
Thess- Thesserie
Rebecca - Skippy Heart
Knoizki - A Dialogue With K
Beng- Kauderwelch
Tina - My Good Finds
Rachel - Heart of Rachel
Alice - Hello, My Name Is Alice
Julia - Julia’s Books Corner!
Darla- Nichtszusagen
Marg - Reading Adventures
Holly - What Were you Expecting?
Ames - Thrifty Reader
Dev - Good Reads
Rosie - Nobody asked me…
Gabrielle - Diary of an Adult Runaway
Jo- Chez le laquet!
Ms Mac - Ms Mac
Andy- andy.2boyz.co.uk

Michael - Are you sure you want to know?



Yes, that IS my desktop...well my work desktop that is. As my home computer is in the throes of being restored to factory settings it is remarkably clean.

Yes, I know my desktop is full, but I have a habit of putting new/commonly used files on my desktop to work on and then deleting when I'm done with them, it makes it much easier to find stuff, believe me you! That row on the right has to be kept away from the other ones because they end up fighting too much.

So who do I tag? If you read this far, consider yourself tagged. And if you haven't read this far, consider yourself tagged, so either way you have to do it now!

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Broadway in Chicago

I just got my tickets for the upcoming Broadway in Chicago Series. Every year they have a different corporate sponsor and this year it just happens to be Walgreens?!? Walgreens is interested in culture? I had no idea!



There are some good shows this year, I'm actually excited about seeing almost all of them.



Dirty Dancing - not so much, the movie was ok when I was a teenager and sorta thought Patrick Swayze was hot. But hey, it's making it's US Debut in Chicago - so that's pretty cool!

My Fair Lady - what young gay boy doesn't dream of being Eliza Doolittle with her little cockney accent and dirty dress? Could I have some more sir? Oh wait, that's Oliver, oops.

The Drowsy Chaperone - this was huge on Broadway, didn't get a chance to see it last year when I was in NYC, so excited to see it on tour.

Sweeney Todd - Over the last few years I've grown to enjoy this show more than I have in the past, although I'll be a little sad that Angela Lansbury nor Patti Lupone will be starring in this production. But hey pussys in a pie, that can't be all bad can it?

Avenue Q - OMG, saw this in Vegas two years ago, what a fucking fantastic show. I can't wait to see it again!

Overall, looks like a great lineup and I can't wait to go!!! I've got two tickets, someone want to go with me?

Monday, October 22, 2007

BREAKING NEWS: Allegations arise from Hogwarts

I knew it was only a matter of time.....now that Dumbledore has been posthumously outed, there are now allegations of impropriety flying around faster than a Golden Snitch on a Quidditch pitch!

One allegation is that Michael Jackson was a frequent guest of Dumbledore's!

The funny thing is....it's the Pope making the allegations - that's sort of the Pot calling the Kettle black isn't it?

Sunday, October 21, 2007

I'm sick and tired

Wow, what a week it's been. Thank goodness we had the contest going to hold us over.

It really has been a crazy week, I can totally understand why Britney lost custody and visitation rights for her kids.

Like Brad & Angelina we decided to adopt a child, we didn't go to Cambodia, we went to the local kitty shelter and ended up walking out with a pussy in tow, we were so not ready for it to happen so quickly. We thought that it would take a few weeks and would require a lawyer so that we had plenty of time to think it through. I didn't even have time to paint the nursery.

Two days after Kitty arrived he started coughing and sneezing, two days later he was at the vet. The only thing was, I was sick at the same time. I didn't go to work Monday/Tuesday because I felt like crap, all I wanted to do was lay in bed and fantasize about Judge Judy getting it doggy style from Judge Mathis. It was maddening having to care for another while I was ill myself, I don't know how you Mothers do it?

Also during this same time frame my computer got sick as well. A friend came over and was downloading some things to my computer and ended up accidentally downloading a Trojan. All I can say is that those Trojans are nasty! But I seriously feel as though all of the "spyware & virus" software makers are colluding with the virus makers so that they can keep themselves in business.

My computer is so bad off that I have to restore it to Factory Default - which I think is Windows 3.1 or some other godforsaken version.

Fortunately the weekend has been fabulous. The weather has been perfect (who keeps saying that Global Warming isn't good for something?) We thought we had our last beach day two weeks ago, but today was a perfect day for it.

So even though it's been a sickening week, it was still a good week.

I will compile the answers for the contest and post the poll soon.

How was your weekend?

CONTEST: NAME THAT PUSSY!


CONTEST
NAME THAT PUSSY!
The New Kitty doesn't have a name yet, you can help us decide!
Submit your name choices and we will create a poll and name him based on the most popular answer.
A little bit about Kitty: Male, 3 year old, he is considered DHM (this was the description given by the place), he has been around children and other dogs before. He has a motled coat of black and brown, he's somewhere between a long hair and a short hair. Currently he enjoys hiding in any open closet while attempting to avoid his housemate Stoli, you'd swear they way Kitty tries to avoid Stoli it's like they met at the bar last week, tricked and were then shocked to see each other at a party the following week.
CONTEST
NAME THAT PUSSY!


Submit your choice today via comment you could already* be a winner!
* Rules: Entry must be via comment on the blog "Whats A Boy To Do - Are you sure you want to know" at http://whatsaboytodo.blogspot.com No other means of entry are allowed. Mutliple entries are allowed, multiple entries do not increase chances of winning. No purchase necessary to play. Contest for Phase I ends on SATURDAY, OCTOBER 20, 2007 AT 11:59:59 PM. After all entries are collected a blogger poll will be posted at same site with an ending date of SATURDAY, OCTOBER 27, 2007 AT 11:59:59. The name with the most votes will be considered the winner of the contest. No prize will be delivered to the winner other than the smug indignation to tell your friends that you won a contest to name a cat owned by two gay boys in Chicago. Winner assumes all taxes and duties that may be involved with contest to obtain said prize, sponsor offers no compensation. You also give up the right to bitch if the general poll decides your name is crap! Owners have final say in naming rights.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Yet Unnamed


Yet Unnamed
Originally uploaded by Michael_L
We adopted a kitty this afternoon.

I promise that this will NOT turn into a Mommy Blog or a Pussy Blog!

The Dog (Stoli) has really been acting up lately and we've been talking about getting him a companion, he's been around cats before and he always liked it - plus it gives him someone to play with.

We stopped by the shelter this afternoon to just see what they had and we walked out with this adorable little man.

He is as of right now, The Unnamed Solider. We're going to give him a few days to see if he comes up with a name himself....if not, we may actually have a little kitty naming contest.

But in the meantime, please say:

HELLO KITTY!!!!!

There are only two types of people


Size Queens.....and Liars.


Which one are you?


Thursday, October 11, 2007

Pussy Hunting

No, not hunting for that kind, what kind of boy do you think I am?

The Roommate has a dog, a Shiba Inu to be exact, and he can be a handful. For the first year that we lived together The Dog hardly paid any attention to me - which was fine by me.

But over the last few months he's suddenly decided to take an interest in me, so much so that when I come home from work he's all over me, but as soon as The Roommate gets home - I'm lost and forgotten like the boy you met last Saturday Night.

We've talked about getting The Dog a companion because he does have to spend most of the day on his own, and figure it will give him someone to "play" with...so this weekend I think we're going to go hunting for a Kitty - yes THAT kind of pussy!

I've had cats before and I like cats (more than I like dogs) I just hope that we can find a nice one that gets along with dogs.

Plus I can't wait to go to work and when asked the question "What did you do last night?" I can honestly reply with "Oh, I sat at home stroking my pussy."

I'm Finally A PRO!

No, I'm not a professional hooker yet, I'm still waiting for my diploma in the mail for that!


I'm finally a Pro at Wii Tennis!


A month ago I bought a Wii and a new Cellphone. I love the new Cellphone and I LURV the new Wii.


We have had people over every weekend and even several school nights to play Wii. When we had our big Husband Hunting Safari the TV room was converted to the Wii Stadium and it was filled the entire time.


But last night I broke the first elusive level of Wii Tennis - I became a Pro! Everytime you play the computer you either gain (or lose) points based on whether you win (or lose). Once you hit 1000 Points you're considered "a Pro". Last night I was able to get over the elusive plateau and hit 1000 points and become a PRO! And it only took me 45 games against the computer to do it!


But damn, now my shoulder is killing me. I tell ya, these sports related injuries really hurt!

Hookers and Junkies and Queers. OH MY!

Really I meant:

Parkas and Sweaters and Mittens, OH MY!

Just this past weekend we were basking on the glorious sands of Lake Gitchigome, aka Lake Michigan enjoying the sun blasting on our faces while marathon runners were dropping like flies because of the high humidity and temperatures near 90! We were basking the wonder that is Global Warming and wondering "How can anyone complain about this?"

Today it's 45 degrees and I've pulled out my leather coat and long sleeved shirt. But as I was walking for my morning coffee I passed people wearing:
- hats
- scarves
- mittens
- HUGE winter parka with the hood up

Now granted, it's 45 degrees outside, it's brisk.......not freezing. Plus if they had a little meat on their bones they wouldn't need to pull on the parka so early!

BOO - Autumn is here, are you ready?

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Poltergeist - 25 years later

Last night we went to a "One Night Only" screening of Poltergeist - the 25th Anniversary.


Holy Bat Fuck! 25 years?!?


I remember going to the movie theater, which was 20 miles from home and used to be a single theater until the balcony was converted to a second theater and being scared while watching it behind clenched fingers.


I was 13 at the time, I don't remember who I went with, but I may have been friends, it may have been my family?!? I don't remember, but I do remember seeing it in the theater.


The funny thing about watching a movie on the big screen that you originally saw on the big screen is looking at all of the ephemera that is usually found in a movie, but is typically not viewable on the "boob tube" For example, I do not recall at ALL in the beginning of the movie that the parents were in their bedroom smoking pot?!? I remember that scene, but I just thought they were smoking, I didn't know they were smoking the wacky tobaccy! And there were other references to that as well, like when they were getting ready to bury the bird in a cigar box and CaroleAnne said "tweety doesn't like that smell" (of course referring to the smell of mary jane).


And the kids room was COVERED in memorbilia from the 80's, a rubik's cube, star wars galore (this was just a few years after Star Wars was released) as well as a vintage Cheeto's bag which was hilarious to see in it's red-white-and blue!


Watching the movie though was fun, I'm sure I laughed at different places now than I did then, being a big adult and all now and actually "getting" the humor instead of going "Why did everyone laugh, I don't get it?" Craig T Nelson was YOUNG and although he had been in a lot of movies before this, he was still a relatively "unknown" as well as JoBeth Williams.


It is, of course, dated, but that's what makes it so great. It was one of the first horror movies that wasn't all slasher and actually made you think that it could really happen. Watching it again, I was a little more criticial of it because some of the editing seemed to be off and the story seemed to jump around a bit, but that may have been just been the version they showed.


The worst part of the movie though was watching it with my companions, one who was 23 (who had NEVER seen the movie ) and one who was 27 (and had only seen it on TV) , you know I felt as old as a box of rocks when I had to admit that I actually saw this on the Big Screen the first time around.....god I'm getting old!

Friday, October 05, 2007

And your little dog too!

The Britney train wreck continues!

It was reported on the radio this morning that Britney was instructed by the Family Court to turn over her lovely pooches to The K-Fed!

The Family Court has told Britney to give the dogs to K-Fed so that her poor little chrildrens have some sort of normalcy in their life and that they're used to being around the dogs and that way K-Fed will not have to interact with the childrens and screw them up any more than they are.

You need to read this Open Letter from Britney's Kids, it's hilarious!

Apparently she can't even be trusted with Dogs, the poor little bitch (I mean the dog, not Britney)

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

The Good & The Bad

The Good: You walk into Dunkin Donuts and they know what you're drinking.
The Bad: That must mean that you go in there often enough that they actually recognize.

The Good: You walk into Dunkin Donuts and they know what you're drinking.
The Bad: That must mean that you always order the SAME Thing!

The Good: You walk into Dunkin Donuts and when you step up to the counter your drink magically appears before you even get a chance to order it.
The Bad: When you get back to your desk and finally put the straw into your Large Iced Hazelnut with Cream and Sugar you realize that it's Plain Coffee with Cream ONLY!

The Good: Sure, mistakes happen.
The Bad: You're too tired to walk down 4 flights of stairs and back across the street to bitch about how they totally fucked up your morning because you really had a taste for iced hazelnut and instead you got this crappy plain coffee flavored coffee insted and there was no goddamn sugar in it so it actually tasted like coffeecomplain about it because you haven't had your caffeine yet.

But hey, I'm awake now, are you?

Monday, October 01, 2007

7 years

It was 7 years ago yesterday that I moved to Chicago.

It was 7 years ago yesterday that I packed up the UHaul in Atlanta with my best friend Lee and drove 18 hours straight to get to Chicago.

It was 7 years ago yesterday that I drove into the city for the first time as an actual resident.

It was 7 years ago yesterday that I drove into the city for the first time and realized that you can't take big vehicles on Lake Shore Drive and ended up having to drive through the hell hole that is Chicago with a 20 foot U-Haul Truck towing a Ford Ranger Pickup Truck on a dolly and hoping to god that I would fit under the CTA Track because there was no way in this motherfucking planet that I was going to be able to back that thing up!

It was 7 years ago yesterday that I walked to the Lake for the first of many walks.

It was 7 years ago yesterday that I was starting a new chapter of my life.

All I can say is "Wow, what a great chapter so far!"

BREAKING NEWS: Britney loses babies!

It was only a matter of time!

I know it's been a while since I've posted anything Britney, I'm sure you've had to go to other sources to find information and for that I am truly sorry.

But hey, it was summer, I was having fun and it was too difficult to keep up with all of the crap that Britney was pulling, I guess it was summer for her too!

News just came out that she has finally lost custody of her little crumbsnatchers, those poor little tykes! I really do feel for the childrens, I mean they're the ones who are going to get hurt in all of this.
The only good thing about this is that the kids are way too young to be able to remember all of this crap, but unfortunately we won't have another Mommie Dearest movie in 20 years - that's what I was really looking forward to!

According to a report that was posted 1 minute ago (see I told you this was breaking news) The Britster has finally been told to give the kids to The Fed(erline)

That took a lot longer than we all expected.

So who had the square in the pool for October 1st? Just let me know and I'll send you your prize.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Monday, September 24, 2007

I'm Tired

WHAT a weekend! Whew!


All I can say is that I went to bed at 8:30 last night, I was so tired that I missed one of my fav shows "The Girls Next Door" and it was the episode where they were doing an exercise video!

When the alarm clock blared this morning at 6:12 (that gives me two 9 minute snoozes) I screamed NO louder than Jodie Foster did in The Accused when she was getting raped on that pinball machine, there was no way that almost 10 hours had passed, I didn't want to believe it, but I had to.

Lets go back in time.......It all started on Friday..........

Whenever Andi-licious comes into town it's a Par-Tay! And boy was this weekend a partay. Andi-licious flew in via private jet, sponsored by Southwest, Friday afternoon and was whisked away via my limo disguised as a Ford Focus through the mean streets of Chicago's South Side. The amazing thing, I only cursed 47 times on the way home, that was a record low number for me!

Friday afternoon we spent a few hours at Hollywood Beach (the notorious Gay Beach) getting free Microdermabrasion Treatments, courtesy of Mother Nature and the swirling sand.

The Roommate made a fabulous dinner which we ate on the deck and then enjoyed participating in Synphoria - WOW, what a night!


We almost got up with the sun on Saturday morning and spent the day recovering from the night before, while shopping for the last bits of odds and ends for the Husband Hunting party later that evening. Were all fortunate to be recipients of afternoon naps and and had the house in tip-top, ship-shape order just in time for our guests to arrive.


Little did we know that they would actually show up on time, the poor first guests thought the party started at 8:00 and thought showing up at 9:00 they wouldn't be the first ones....well surprise surprise they were right on time! We're never used to Queens showing up on time - but we were ready for them.


The Buffet was laid out in all of it's camoflauge glory, artfully decorated to blend in with the rest of the room, The Wii room was in "stadium mode" ready to take on all of the artful players, the Bar was set up, and the Tiki Torches were lit in the backyard!


Before we knew it the house was FULL, it was busting at it's seams, literally! We didn't get an official count but there were at least 80 to 90 people there!


We went through more than 150 pounds of ice, yes you read that right 150 pounds of ice! It was out of control, we had to send the troops out for more ice in the middle of the party!

We had birthday cake at 11:30 to which the crowd sung a version of Happy Birthday that rivaled Roseann Barr's rendition of The National Anthem - but it was sung with love and that's all that really matters.

I swear this is the last time I'm hosting a party and not hiring help. It seemed as though all I did was walk around and pick up trash, paper plates and cups. Would it kill any of those queens to put a plate in the trash can?

At 2:45 I asked The Roommate if it was time to shut down the party and kick the last of the remaining guests out onto the sidewalk in front of our house? He looked at me and said "well go to bed." I pointed to the futon that is in the kitchen and said "Well there's my bed." So he yelled with all his might "Michael wants to go to bed, so you've all got to go home" and I artfully added "It's also 2:45"

After we did a final sweep of the house and kicked the last of the partygoers out I pulled out the futon and fell into a fitful sleep.

Sunday was a day of recovery...sleeping late.....pulling the blinds to make the house as dark as possible and barely turning up the volume of the TV...it was bliss!

We somehow got Andi-licious back to the airport and made our way to a New Home BBQ at a friends house down the street.

The next thing I knew it was 8:00 and I could barely keep my eyes open!

Friday, September 21, 2007

A Hunting We Shall Go, A Hunting We Shall Go

You'll never guess who's coming to town this weekend? Ok, have you given up yet? Not yet? Oh you'll never guess!

Andi-licious is making one of her semi-annual trips to the great city of Chicago this weekend! We've got all sorts of exciting things planned for her, tonight we're going to Synphoria where she'll be amazed, and It's The Roommates Birthday this weekend so we're hosting a fabulous party for him and at the same time getting ready for Winter.

This Sunday, the 23rd, represents the "official" end of summer and the start of Autumn and what typically happens in Autumn? Hunting Season! To celebrate The Roommates B-Day we're hosting a "Husband Hunting Safari"

Yep, you read that right, a Husband Hunting Safari, it's the perfect time of year really, summer is over and long winter nights are ahead of us, it's the perfect time to track down and bag the elusive Winter Boyfriend.

The Winter Boyfriend is the perfect breed of boyfriend, the kind that wants to keep you warm during those long winter nights but also doesn't want you to get too fat so that when Spring Time rolls around you won't totally scare off all of the Beach Bunnies that he'll go chasing once he leaves your ass behind because after all you were his Winter Boyfriend, and not the other way around. Winter Boyfriends are the best!!

Husband Hunting is fun and easy, and everyone can join in. Everyone wears a nametag and/or a sticker to indicate that they are Unavailable, Available, but not completely or Totally Available. We're excited to be introducing a new program this year "The Catch & Release Program" it's exactly what it sounds like! We hope that this new program is as successful as our other programs have been in the past.
If you're around Saturday night, stop by and join in the festivities...and we'll let you wear a Red Sticker if you want to!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

A Weekend Recap with Lynda Carter

I know it's Wednesday and "Weekend Recaps" are supposed to be on Monday's but that's neither here nor there is it?

Friday - The day that I had been waiting weeks for arrived, we would soon be sitting face to face with the lovely Wonder Woman, er, I mean Lynda Carter! I had my front row tickets in my hand and could hardly wait to be sitting and staring into the lovely eyes of Wonder Woman! Oh how I hoped she would be wearing her Bracelets and her Lasso of Truth, had she ensnared me in her lasso I would be obliged to tell her that as a wee boy I watched her show every week and fell in love with her. Well I wouldn't say fell in love with her, I wanted to BE HER! I know, what little boy didn't want to be Wonder Woman.

But alas, I know that Lynda Carter is not really Wonder Woman, and I doubted that she would even acknowledge WW, but I still wanted to see her.

When we got to the theater I quickly found out that our so called Front Row Seats were not actually Front Row at all (Hey, I want my $65.00 + $10.50 convenience fee back) but instead we were the front row of the actual seats, there were tables and a swath of floor space about 15 feet between us and Wonder Woman, er Lynda! All I can say is that I'm glad that I didn't pop that money for those roses!

The theater probably holds about 450 people there are three "slices" to it and unfortunately only one slice was actually full, so there were about 100-150 people there.

Lynda has a good voice, not a great voice, but a good voice and she put on a very nice show. She sang "torch songs" and I knew most of them, which is always good. She sang for about an hour and a half, she did a little WW tribute where she spun around (but didn't change into her costume unfortunately), interacted with the audience and even did an encore.

She looks AMAZING and best of all, she seemed to have a really great time performing, to me that's the best part of it. For a performer to really be enjoying themselves means much more to me than whether they have 50 foot video screens and a thousand backup dancers.

Would I go see her again? Hmmm....I don't think so.....Would I buy a CD of hers? Probably.

Saturday - Today was the Great Lakes Clean Up Day so a friend and I headed over to our local Gay Beach, grabbed some blue gloves and trash bags and started picking up beach trash. NO, not the kind of beach trash you wouldn't take home to your mother, the other kind of beach trash - cigarette butts, cans, plastic, etc.

We had committed to working for an hour - because my friend had to go to work - so we got busy. It was also some other kind of "clean up day" so in addition to picking up trash, we had to count it as well. They wanted to see what the most picked up trash was.

We spent our hour combing the beach, picking, counting, throwing things in the bags, by the time we finished we had a nice collection of trash. As we walked back to the central table to turn in our trash I started counting: 136 cigarette butts, 15 soda caps, 23 pieces of food wrappers, amongst other pieces of trash etc.

The list they gave us had all sorts of things on it from Lobster Traps to Car Parts to 55 Gallon Drums, it was obviously a standard form so when I got back to the check-in table I pretended like we were on a scavenger hunt and told the little old lady "I'm still looking for that Lobster Trap and those condoms, can you point me in the right direction, I really want to win?" To which she gave me a look like a dog gives you when he hears a strange noise and cocks his head....I guess she didn't get my humor.

Sunday - I forget what happened on Sunday, must not have been that important!

Monday, September 17, 2007

Shall we Wii?

Can I tell you that my purchase of a Nintendo Wii a few weeks back was THE BEST PURCHASE EVER!

We have played Wii everyday and sometimes way past our bedtimes as The Roommate confessed to me the other night - after he played 42 tennis matches!

I've already purchased too many games and we've had Wii Tournaments several times already. In fact i'm trying to organize a Wii Bowling League with some friends in the neighborhood!

Getting used to the controls is pretty simple but it truly makes gaming a whole new experience, no longer do you get "Atari Thumb" from mashing the button so much. No instead you get Wii Shoulder and Wii Elbow. Yesterday I was walking around Chicago with a friend when I said "Geez for some reason my right shoulder has really been bothering me for the last few days" Hmm....I guess I've been playing my own share of Tennis - it really is addictive.

The other "fun thing" about the Wii is that you get to create your own Mii a facial representation of yourself so that you know who is who when you're playing multi-player games. All I can say is that some of the Mii's on our console are eerily similar to their human owner!

The Wii is an amazing piece of equipment for the price, it includes Wi-Fi so you can connect to your network and all sorts of news and weather information, truly amazing.

So do you have a Wii? We should "link our Wii's and share our Mii's"

Do you love your Wii as much as we do?

Friday, September 14, 2007

How do you respond to that?

So you're in the bathroom at work and the person in the stall next to you sneezes and then you hear a plop, what is the proper response:

a) Bless You
b) Gesundheit
c) Bullseye

Pity the poor Sprinkles

No not the Porn Star Annie Sprinkles, the sprinkles that used to be on donuts.

The Dunkin Donuts that is across the street from our office was closed for 3-months this summer so that they could renovate the store and turn it from a regular Dunkin Donuts into a Dunkin Donuts/Baskin Robins combo. Coffee - donuts - ice cream - what a deadly combination!

I'm not a coffee drinker, per se, but I do love me some Iced Coffee. I had been trying to wean myself from the terrible caffeine monster and it was very easy to do because the store was closed but NOW that they've reopened, I can't help myself.

I find myself mindlessly walking there every morning before I head into the office so that I can get a Large Iced Hazelnut with cream and sugar! Oh it's so yummy....and it makes me tingle about an hour after I drink and for some reason I get this huge burst of energy followed by an even stronger urge to curl up under my desk a la George Costanza and take a nap.

This morning as I approached the register the girl repeated my order before I even had a chance to open my mouth. I was both excited and appalled. Excited because it was 7 fewer words that I had to speak, especially that early in the morning and appalled because OMG am I that predictable? I guess that I am.

As I was standing there I looked over the donuts (I'm not a huge donut fan) and I saw that they only had one tray of sprinkle donuts and they weren't even fully covered in sprinkles! Only about a quarter of the top of the donut was covered in sprinkles the rest was just plain chocolate topping - now don't get me wrong, I love chocolate topping, especially right out of the container. But if a donut is labeled as "sprinkles" shouldn't there be more than 15 sprinkles on it? So I ordered one, just so I could take a picture of it and share it with you.

As I reached for my coffee it looked much smaller than before and I asked "Is this a large?" Oh no, that's a medium came the reply. She remakes my coffee and I walk out of the store knowing that I'm about to get my morning buzz on.

It's not until I get to the office, open my bag with it's sad little donut and go to shake up my coffee to mix in the sugar - when I realize, there's no freaking sugar in the coffee.

They really need to get better people to work there...honestly, how difficult is it to make coffee. Of all the food industries that are out there that serve the public - coffee maker at Dunkin Donuts has got to be the easiest. I mean it's not like Starbucks where you've got to learn what all the sizes mean and then know how to make all of those concoctions. At "The Double D" you really only have to maybe add some cream and some sugar - which is apparently a difficult task.

Excuse me while I ingest my caffeine.

Happy Friday!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Spin Bitch, Spin!

Oh, I'm so excited that I'm tingling all over, it's almost like when your leg falls asleep and you go to stand up but instead fall over on your face and flounder around on the ground for a bit.

I'm not a huge Concert Fan, I guess because I don't like having huge speakers blasting music at me even though I'm a thousand feet away and can't see the artist other than on the huge video screens that typically accompany said concert.

I have seen some concerts recently that I enjoyed, like: Bette Midler, Rufus Wainwright, that Lesbian Country/Pop Singer what's her name - no not Rosie oh yeah, Melissa Etheridge (actually I LOVED her concert because she sang for 2 hours straight, er I mean 2 hours gayily), and there have been other concerts that have not been as much fun (Madonna - outrageously priced tickets, turning off the AC, making us wait an hour to start the show and the stupid C You Next Thursday's that stood the entire time even though they were the front fucking row of the balcony at the far end of the arena - stupid bitches).

But this Friday evening I got tickets to go see "An Intimate Evening with Lynda Carter."

Yep, you read that correctly - Lynda Carter, aka Wonder Woman!

I just found out about the concert a few weeks ago and immediately logged onto Ticketmaster to see if tickets were available and how much they were....well color me surprised when I selected the "best available" option and was given Front Row, Center Seats!

There must have been something wrong, I mean why would Front Row seats still be available this close to the concert - well after I thought about it for 12 seconds I entered my credit card number and got my confirmation number.

Can you believe that Ticketmaster charges a $10.50 fucking convenience fee per ticket(oops, sorry for swearing but that fee is ridiculous).

Regardless, or as an old boss of mine used to say irregardless, I'm going to see Wonder Woman this Friday night and she's gonna stare at me all night.

I told my friend that I was going to get a dozen long stem roses and after each song walk up to her and say "That was great, this is for you." Is that a little stalkerish?

Or I could just sit there and after every song yell "Spin Wonder Woman, SPIN!!! I didn't pay $68 a ticket plus a convenience fee to just have you stand up there and sing. Spin Bitch Spin" (you know I would never do that, right.....)