Monday, January 22, 2007

Walking The Dog

No that's not an euphemism for something else (if it is, please leave me a comment because I don't know what it is.)

The Roommate has a dog, he's had The Dog for I think 10 or 11 years, quite some time. He's a good dog in general, well I mean he doesn't chew shoes or rip up carpet so I guess he's a great dog in that respect. When I moved in with The Roommate last year I knew that the package came with The Dog, the only thing I told The Roommate was that I was not a built in dog walker.

Growing up we had pets, we had several dogs and cats, but we lived in the country when the dog needed to go to the bathroom, it just went outside - by itself. As I'm sure you're well aware, that's not the way it is in the city. Dogs are a lot of work, you've got to walk them several times a day, the only advantage to that is you get a chance to scope out the neighborhood.

I used to have a friend that I would walk with on occassion and it was so funny because he would always know what was going on in the neighborhood - "Oh that car was there last night but I've never seen it before." "Those people like to leave their blinds open - and they shouldn't" I guess another advantage is that you have the opportunity to meet other dog owners.

The only problem is, The Dog is a Bitch (not literally, figuratively) it seems that whenever he's around another dog all he wants to do is beat up the dog, it's no wonder he has no friends!

I have found one great thing about walking the dog (I mean other than getting out in the fresh air that's only 12 degrees), he attracts boys! The only problem is, if the other guy has a dog then The Dog decides that he doesn't want to play nice and suddenly the cute boys are gone!

There is one thing though that I HATE, it's picking up his shit. It's not that I'm squeamish, I grew up on a cow farm for gods sake, I've shoveled steaming cowpies in the middle of winter! The only saving grace for that though was that I had the use of a shovel and I didn't have to touch the stuff....ugh there's just something about picking up dog shit that wants me to make me barf.

And please that little plastic grocery bag does nothing to mask the smell and the feel of warm poop, oh you just know the germs are getting through the plastic. But at the same time, I have a conscience and can't leave it sitting on the ground like some people.

I say to those people, if you don't want to pick up dog shit then why do you have a dog?

All I can say is - Thank God I'm gay and don't have children, if this is how I am with Dog Shit, imagine what it would be like with baby shit.....oh I can't even think about it!

So I was surfing around the web this weekend and I found the perfect contraption for people like me who are squeamish around poop that isn't their own!

Check out this little contraption, make sure you watch the animation in the beginning, it's funny because it makes no sense really. Also make sure you watch the little video of the poor dog using this thing, can you say uncomfortable?!? There are a few things I found confusing - I thought Asian people raised dogs to eat and to sell their fur to unsuspecting American Designers to use as rabbit fur; also, you have to line that thing up right or you're gonna have a much bigger mess, do you really wanna get THAT close to your dog!

I told The Roommate I bought a present for The Dog....he wasn't amused!

So do you think your dog would use this?

**UPDATE** Ok, you need to totally read the FAQ, I'm not making fun of it, but the translation is hilarious. It's apparent they didn't use a native english speaker to translate this.


Anonymous said...

Set your TIVO to watch "The Dog Whisper".

Cute little camp mexican guy who has an amazing talent for training dogs.

Helped me with making sure I was "calm and assertive" when training my little dahlings.

- Ditsy (who still can't remember her log in for blogger)

Jeanette said...

That was the first thought I had too! The Dog Whisperer with Cesar Milan is the best. Altho they say not to try the stuff at home, it has been helping me with curbing my dog's unacceptable barking.

Check it out Michael. It is on the National Geographic channel.

Anonymous said...

I couldn't get to the link, but we probably don't need it. Remember, we have a self-cleaning dog.