Tuesday, September 04, 2007

He is such a Bitch!

The Roommate went out of town this weekend to participate in a softball tournament.

Me, being the lovely and gracious roommate that I am, begrudingly told the roommate that he would have to get a dog walker for his leg-licker of a dog. No, I didn't.

I was happy to watch the leg-licker, even though he ignores the fuck out of me all the time and doesn't even acknowledge my existence, but then I guess it works out well, because I don't acknowledge his existence either, well except for the golden colored tumbleweeds that are floating through our apartment.

It's always a very interesting experiement when The Roommate goes out of town, because I SWEAR that dog knows it, even before it's happening. The day before the vacation starts the dog suddenly looks at me and starts paying attention to me, following me around the house, like this one day of attention is going to change how I feel about him.

On the first day of the vacation The Dog refuses to walk further than a block from home and when we return he runs in the house thinking The Roomate is there ready to scream SURPRISE.

On Day Two The Dog realizes that "i'm IT" and proceeds to scratch at my door at 6:45am to tell me that if his real Dad was home he would have been out chasing squirrels already. He refuses to eat- well that is except for Milk Bone Treats and pieces of cheese studded with his allergy medicine , he'll still drink like he's going to be stranded in the desert but he stops eating He will walk further from home but still rushes back to check and see if a Surprise Party is going on.

Day Three it starts to sink in that he might actually be stuck with ME for the rest of his life. Suddenly he acknowledges me when I walk in a room - although barely, and he might nibble a bit of food just to keep his energy up, he finally poops on Day Three and boy is it a poop! He poops and runs which makes it difficult to capture his massive poop in the thin grocery bag wrapped around my hand - ugh!

By Day Four he is thoroghly convinced that The Roomate will never return and starts to pay attention to my by wagging his tail and eating all of the delicious food that I place in his bowl. By mid-afternoon The Roommate returns to a face full of kisses (from the dog, not me), growls, barks and noises indicating that he should never ever leave him again. The Dog now walks by me in the hallway and forces me to move out of his way.

I swear that Dog is such a bitch!

4 comments:

David said...

OMG! MJ and I laughed so hard... we almost wet ourselves... knowing Stoli... the bitch queen doggie!

The Big Finn said...

That dog sounds like pretty much every pet I've ever known.
When our cat sees our suitcases, you can see him begin to mope. Then, he proceeds to torment us to no end until the moment we leave. While we're gone, he just meows non-stop at whoever is cat-sitting him. When we return home, he makes our life a living hell by running around the apartment, making noises that no other living thing has ever made before, and waking us up throughout the night.
...aaaaahhhh pets!

The Sour Kraut said...

Funny!!!

Karen said...

Just replace dog with kitty and you've got my Felix! Actually ... aside from the trauma of being in a cat carrier for 24 hours straight, he seems to be quite pleased to be back in Canada. Of course, I haven't left him yet....