Friday, June 27, 2008

Examine it

A few weeks back I found someone's debit card and posted about deactivating it. Someone found my blog because they were googling a friend and I guess they liked what they read because I've been asked to be the Gay Examiner for all I can say is I hope I'm gay enough.

It's not a "full time paying" gig per se, but I do have the opportunity to make some money from it if I can drive traffic there. So I'm going to be posting here and there and I hope that you'll visit both of my places, it's sort of like having a Main House and a Guest House, so you'll need to stop by and see the new decor.

My first post is up and running and you can check it out here.

The Examiner

Please feel free to make up flyers for me and distribute around your neighborhood telling people they should go to my Examiner page.

Oh yeah and if you want to, you can sign up to receive my posts from over there! Just click on the green bar under my photo (oh, which btw was taken by our own Andi-Licious)

Thursday, June 26, 2008


I found this over at My 2 Cents blog.

You're a Buffalo!
People want to live where you do, or put another way, they'd like a home
where you roam. You weren't sure you were going to survive for the last few years, but
lately things look much better for your chances of living to a ripe old age. You've
lost a place of high esteem amongst your neighbors, and now find more popularity in
being a symbol of days gone by. Beware of the commons, for it is said that tragedy
lurks there. Your favorite coin is the nickel.

Take the Animal Quiz at the Blue Pyramid.

I don't know what kind of sound a Buffalo makes but they're kinda like Cows, only bigger and fluffier!

Hey now that i re-read this again, I don't wanna be a Buffalo! I'm gonna lie next time I do one of these.

Funny thing is, I think I'd prefer to be called a Bear now!

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

The Gay Saves The Day

All I can say is "Thank God for the Gays!" otherwise our little celebration would have been ruined.

Yesterday our company (well our Parent Company) announced thier Quarterly results and they were great! The best we've had in a long time.

So to celebrate, our boss got us all together to make the announcement - and even provided snacks. And that snack happened to be a bottle of Sutter Home at work - what a fabulous idea. But wait, it's that new Sutter Home Fre wine? WTF is that?

Well, in case you didn't know, FRE is the alcohol free version of wine. Considering that we were on company property we weren't allowed to have real booze but our boss still wanted to celebrate.

My question though is: Why in the world would a company make alcohol free wine? It tastes like piss and I'm sure that a recovering alcoholic wouldn't drink it to remind them of what they're missing.

Regardless of the inefficiences of alcohol free alcohol, when The Boss went to open the bottle, it was found to be stuffed with a cork instead of the screw off cap that had been promised.

Screams were uttered and epitaths were thrown - where were we going to find a corkscrew? Would we be forced to push the cork into the bottle with a pen and pair of scissors? Would we need to call maintenance to find a large bolt and a pair of pliars?

Before things got too out of control with three-ring binders and staplers being thrown around, I remembered that I had a Swiss Army Knife at my desk. Fortunately our office is not like the TSA and they allow us to have weapons or knives at our desk, for that was our saving grace.

I deftly pulled out my little corkscrew and went to town on the bottle showing everyone the proper way to put it between your legs and pull as hard as humanly possible.

I struggled for a few moments and finally the cork popped free of it's restraints and everyone let up a cheer. Not so much that we were about to drink alcohol free White Zin but that we actualy overcame the tortuous cork!

As the cork flew from it's confines the bottle shook and a little bit of the elixir jumped out of the bottle and flew onto one of my co-workers black leather boot. I looked at her and said "I'd lick it off, but I'd probably get in trouble and there isn't any booze there so it's not like it's Alcohol Abuse." (Fortunately she giggled)

But alas, The Gay Saves The Day, and we all forced ourselves to finish off our two fingers of Alcohol Free White Zinfandel, all the while cheering our successes and promising ourselves we'd never drink that crap again.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

What Does 300 Calories Look Like?

300 Calories, that's a nice little snack isn't it? Over here in the US, the food companies currently have Americans in a frenzy over "100 Calorie Packs" of food. And us silly Americans think that 100 Calories must be the perfect number that should be in a snack, I mean if the food companies tell us that, who are we to argue with them, right?!?

Well the food industries are making bucoupe bucks off of these things because there's a whole lot of extra packaging that goes along with these products and people pay a premium because they think they're getting more of something when in actuality they're getting a whole lot less.

I remember reading an article a few months back where they discussed the total cost of these "100 Calorie Packs" and it turned out that a lot of time, consumers were paying almost double the price for the same product only because it was packaged differently, and a lot of times it wasn't even the same product. For example, Oreos has a "100 Calorie" snack but cookies in the snack pack are nothing like the regular product, they're "wafers" sort of like those sugar wafer cookies that you can buy for a quarter a pack.

The other day in the store I saw pre-packaged deli meat in "single serve" packages. You get two lovely single serve packages, which equal almost 4 ounces of meat for the ultra low price of only $3.59. What a deal - but what if you figure out how much you're paying per pound?!? You're paying more than $14 a pound, just for the convenience of having something "pre-packaged" for you.

You'd be much better off if you just went out and bought a pound of deli-meat, a scale and divied up your own meat, but then who wants to go all of that effort, I mean we're American's after all and we shouldn't have to do such menial tasks like that.

The Roommate and I are big "divy uppers" we'll go to Sam's Club/Costco, buy the big family version of something and divy it up into smaller portions so that we can save money by buying bulk. Even though it's the two of us, it works out to be a big money saver. Our pantry is always full, we can barely shut the freezer door and we've got a "backstock" of our larger items, so if there's ever a winter storm and we're stuck in the house we'll have plenty of food to before we have to go all "Donner Party" on each other.

We're also pretty thrifty when we go grocery shopping, we go out of our way to shop at a "discount" grocery store and we're getting into the habit of using coupons to save even more money. We've found that we can go to our "discount" grocery store, spend $100 and have enough food for 3 weeks. When we go to our local grocery store that's within walking distance, we easily spend $30-40 and walk out of the store with 2 or 3 bags!

In this troubling economy, every dollar helps!

But I have digressed from my original reason to post. I found this really cool link the other day that shows you exactly how much 300 calories of a whole bunch of different types of food are.

You'll be amazed at the eating opportunities that will present themselves when realize that you could have almost 2 pounds of broccoli, 3 glasses of red wine or more than 3.5 pounds of tomatoes (of course not now that our entire crop has been hit by Salmonella) or you could really splurge and have 2 slices of bacon, 2 ounces of potato chips or 1.73 ounces of cod liver.

What will you choose to eat?!?

Check it out HERE

Here's a little video for you as well:

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

A recent text message conversation

Who says you can't carry on a conversation via Text Message, all of the kids are doing it and so can I. Just this past Saturday night Andrea and I did exactly that.

ME, To Twitter: The Pink Panther Theme is playing on the Jukebox at the bar. This is the second time I’ve heard this song today. (The thing so funny about that is earlier in the day, my random iPod played the exact same song)

ME, To Twitter: OMG I’m out having cocktails and the Spelling Bee is on the big screen in a gay bar. Oh God, I should just go home. (Earlier I had posted saying that I couldn't believe I was home watching the Spelling Bee, and now here I was at a bar doing the same thing)

ME, To Andrea: We’re talking about you

ANDREA: And who is “we”?

ME: The Roommate said you would say that.

HER: He knows me so well.

ME: Do you like Champagne for breakie?

HER: Who doesn’t?

ME: Just Checking

ME: OMG there is some drunk guy trying to pick me up.

HER: Take a pic

ME: On no, that’s just tacky. LOL I’ll just say “here hold still for a second while I snap a quick pic.” OMG he just tried to swipe The Roommates money! (Here's the low down on this. The Roommate got up to go to the Bathroom, he conveniently stacked his money, cigarettes and cellphone on top of each other. When Drunk Patron came up he took over the space vacated by The Roommate, when I wouldn't join in on his witty banter he started picking up the cellphone, at which point I said "Oh that's The Roommates, let me get that out of your way" he then proceeds to say "Oh, yeah, ok, but that's my money." At which point I say "Oh you mean the money that was sitting underneath that pack of cigarettes and cellphone that you were just fondling" I then ignored him and awaited my next text message)

HER: Where are you?

ME: At a skanky bar with The Roommate, he takes me to the classiest places

HER: Well, it’s the friends that make it classy. You gonna take me?

ME: Oh Thank God, he’s talking to The Roommate. Too bad, he is lame and can’t fight him off. This is way better than the Spelling Bee.

HER: OMG, too funny. Poor Roommate

ME: I just saved The Roommate from a horrible trick. That was silly of me to do, I should have let him do it.

HER: Well the trick could have nursed him back to health quicker AND walked The Dog. (oh, you didn't know that The Roommate broke his foot and I'd been walking the dog - well dragging the dog is more like it since he doesn't like to go for walks with me)

ME: Oh The Roommate is walking The Dog so I don’t care about that.

ME: Fuck, now The Roommate went to the bathroom and now he’s turned his attention to me.

HER: Talk in a really pretentious English accent. Make it fun!

ME: He’s asked me if I have a boyfriend like 20 times, I say no each time but he keeps forgetting so finally I said yes and he left me alone.

HER: Oh. Better luck next time.

ME: We are off to another bar now!

HER: Hotter men?

ME: I don’t care now, whoever says yes first wins


Unfortunately for me, no one said Yes that evening! Oh well, at least I had a good nights sleep.

Andersonville Midsommarfest 2008

Just a few short blocks from my house is a great Sweedish Neighborhood - Andersonville! Anything Swedish that you can think of - they have! And every June they are one of the first "Street Festivals" that kick of the summer in Chicago.

I wish you had been here to go party with me, but I did make a video for you!

Monday, June 16, 2008

Poor Puppy

When the rest of us in the US is battling rising prices on everything - food, basic services and gas (I just put $50 worth of gas in my car and I drive a Ford Focus) you'll be glad to know that even the rich are facing their own troubles.

Remember Leona Helmsley - no, not Sherman Hemsley, Leona was the "Queen of Mean"

Well the old bag died a while back and continuing on with her spitefulness, she bequeathed a large chunk of her estate ($12,000,000) to her dog - Trouble.

Now granted, we all want to make sure that our pets are taken care of after we depart this planet, but $12MM for a dog? That seems like a lot to me.

Well just recently a Judge has reduced the Trust Fund for this poor little puppy and moved $10MM of the assets over the the Helmsley Chartiable Foundatin, leaving a measly $2,000,000 for the poor hound to survive on.

I guess he's gonna have to start eating Puppy Chow instead of Filet Mignon - I feel bad for the little bugger - don't you?

Moreso, I bet that Leona is spinning in her grave right now as all of the glorious money has been diverted from a dog to perhaps helping humanity - and more than likely helping "the little people" that pay taxes!

Spin Leona Spin!!!

Sunday, June 15, 2008

5 Word Movie Review - The Happening

Welcome to my newest addition to Whats A Boy To Do: The 5 Word Movie Review.

Most movie reviews extoll too many of the reviewers attitude and don't really give you a true idea of whether the movie was good, bad, indifferent or disgusting, so I'm going to change that with the 5 Word Movie Review.

My first review is for the new M. Night Shamalyan movie - The Happening:

It should not have happened!

Friday, June 13, 2008

LIVE BLOGGING EVENT - Sex on the Super Highway.

I'm currently at the Center on Halsted (Chicago’s GLBT Community Center) as an audience member about to participate in a live Feast of Fools podcast. The topic this evening is “Sex on the Super Highway - How is the Internet Changing Sex.” I figured I have a lot of experience in this area so this should be a fairly easy foray into a Live Blogging event. I’m going to attempt to report the news as accurately as I can and not interject my own opinions… here we go….

***Note, I was having problems connecting to the wireless network at the event so this was posted after the event.***

7:15 - Jim Picket is giving us an overview about what the event is and what's coming up. The next live podcast is July 23rd at Sidetrack. Remember you need to fill out the questionnaire (oh I love spell check). They're having a booty seminar later this year - not good booty - bad booty.

7:18 - Marc & Fausto of Feast of Fools make their grand entrance. Fausto stops at the piano and belts out their musical intro, those of us “in the know” smirk and giggle. The topic this evening is “How is the Internet changing our sexuality?” Three participants on the forum. Stephan Adelson, former GM of, Beau Gratzer who works at Howard Brown and Brian Mustanski of UIC - all online sexperts.

Marc & Fausto start off the fun by giving us tips on how to make the best internet photo – because “A picture is worth five words.” Fausto poignantly points out that “You can't smell people from a photo.” So you’d better take hints about how people present themselves. Uh oh, they’re gonna show us real life dating site photos (I hope they didn’t find mine). OOOHHHHH Scary eyes. Some helpful hints:
- Don’t hide yourself in the photo. Like a hat pulled down over your eyes that says “Beer nuts.”
- Be awake in your own photo – no one wants to date a sleeping beauty.
- Learn Photoshop – at least the basics, like cut & paste.
- Don't go crazy with Photoshop – are you a leopard or a boy?
- Do not be afraid to ask for help from your friends - Spooky mirror shots aren’t good for anyone!
- Be mindful of where you are - There's a guy standing next to a huge cactus that looks like a penis. The cactus is way more interesting. The boys close the segment by reminding us that we've been alone too long

Stephen takes the seat, he’s the former GM from Manhunt.

What made Manhunt so special? Timing – AOL and the other sites had already worn themselves out by the time Manhunt came around (2000ish) and they were far too mainstream to handle such a sexual topic, they couldn't handle the adult content. The community on AOL faltered and collapsed in on itself and because of the way that they were funded (large national corporation sponsorships) they couldn't promote themselves as gay because they were afraid of losing their sponsors. Manhunt didn't need to do that. Manhunts money came from membership fees instead of advertisers, so they didn’t have to worry about pleasing their advertisers – only their clients.

What happens when things go wrong? Safety is a big issue, regardless of where you meet someone. The interesting thing about the internet is that you can get 20 men in 20 minutes. It's true that doesn’t even happen at a bar when you pass out and people step over you. Regardless of where you meet someone you have to be careful, especially when there are other "things" involved like sex & drugs. Drugs can cause a lot of problems because someone could get into trouble and be afraid to call the police because they don’t want to get in trouble themselves. The one thing you need to remember though is the Police are there to protect you, don’t be afraid to call if you get in trouble.

Here are some safety tips:
- Check the website your on and see if there are any tips – read them!
- Meet in public
- Make sure you're compatible with someone, a 5 minute IM conversation doesn’t count.
- Leave a screen name by your computer
- Make sure you're honest on your profiles kids, you don’t want to get beat up because you lied.

Why do people post online? Some use it as a tool to be a tease, they may post hot pics (maybe not even of themselves), go through all of the steps and then never follow through – just being an internet tease. Others use it as a way to boost their self-esteem, to post pictures and have tons of hits. Stephen admits that nothing shocks him - not even 2 girls 1 cup. Carrie Underwood is a Fat Cow. (Ricky made me say that because he keeps looking at what I’m typing - I don't even know who he is).

Why is Online Sex So Easy? Now we're being exposed to gay sex all the time via the internet. Before it was a lot of sensationalism – Richard Gere with the Gerbil or S&M, you had to imagine what it was like. But now you don’t need to pretend, the Internet has made it super easy to find whatever you’re looking for. Sex is more public than it has ever been before, and it’s ok to have those feelings.

Manhunt was the first site to include HIV status online, at first they didn't include it because they didn't feel that the community was ready for it. But in 2003 they were the first ones that allowed users to disclose their status online. Stephen said that his goal was to increase the conversation around HIV it's not just a field in a box. He does think though that if he had it to do over again he would get rid of the absolutes (Yes/No) and instead add an option like “Presumed Negative” and add a date of your last test.

Beau from Howard Brown, director of HIV and STD Prevention, joins the boys on the couch. He is responsible for online outreach. They've been doing Online Outreach since 1999 and they're looking for volunteers. The biggest question they get is “how safe is oral sex and HIV” and “where can I get tested.” Beau said that in the first chatrooms, most of the people that were dispensing advice or health information were not qualified and lots of times passed along wrong information. He says that their biggest challenge is getting people interested.

Manhunt was the first site that took the lead in promoting the conversation of HIV and STD’s. One of the big things that HBHC did was create policies and procedures so that they could go to other sites and show them that they had policies in place and they knew what they're doing.

Some of the deterrents to having Public Health Outreach on sex sites felt that people go to sex sites to escape the everyday things and that having Howard Brown there reminding them of HIV and other STD’s they were actually pestering their clients – I mean, who wants to think about that stuff when all you want to do is get hot and horny. When clients would come in to get tested and have a positive result, HBHC started tracking the sites that people reported they “hooked up on” from there they started contacting those sites first. The biggest problem that HBHC had was there were hundreds of sites and only one of them, and there were other Public Health Orgs across the country trying to do the same thing.

Whats the difference between a website and a bathhouse – They’re both used for sex, right? So why does a bathhouse have to promote safe sex practices, yet websites don’t? It boils down to the difference between a virtual location and a physical location. With a bathhouse you have to make a conscious effort to go there and in the virtual world it's just a click away.

What are some sites doing to promote safe sex? MySpace & Facebook actually have a lot of health advocacy but it is geared more to the teenage crowd (Chlamydia, Syphilis, etc.) the difficulty of it all is that people need to seek out the information. HBHC and others have Facebook pages and sex site accounts, but they can’t actively go out and “minister” to people, people have to be interested and seek the counseling out.

There are some websites that are promoting the use of technology, like which is a Partner Notification site. Users can go there and with simply an email address they can notify a partner that they should go and get tested. Partner Notification sites are important as it gives people anonymity and the ability to discuss something that’s difficult to discuss. The worst thing that can happen with a Partner Notification site is that someone goes and gets tested for an STD.

Brian joins the boys on the couch as the talk keeps going. Brian works for of UIC keeps his focus primarily on GLBT Minority Youth. The Internet has really given a voice to these individuals. It provides an outlet for education, going back to the earlier discussion of “being able to find anything via Google” it allows youths to get educated. Sex education barely talks about sex, so it’s even more difficult for youths to come to terms with themselves and provides a way for them to link with the community. They can be reached in a way they could never be reached before. It’s easy to “come out” on the Internet, all you do is set your profile to “gay” and suddenly everyone knows, whereas before you had to actually “come out” to everyone.

Poor Marc got de-friended on Facebook! I can’t believe that, but it must be true.

How is Internet addiction like other addictions? It's so easy, for example, you get that instant gratification of grading someone and going onto the next one, the ability to look at one hot person after another, before you know it hours are gone.

Why do people sit in front of the Internet for hours? Well, people sit in front of the TV for hours. Finding something on the internet makes people feel like a hunter. They google it, find information and keep going. Sex is even easier, you look at profile after profile of sexually explicit photos, each one hotter than the other, you’re on a quest and you’re going to follow through with it. People enjoy that state of arousal they get from the internet, and it can go on for as long as they like.

What’s the next thing that’s hitting sex on the Internet? 2257 Laws – These laws require that primary producers of adult material maintain records that the person in the material is of legal age. Legislation is trying to pass these 2257 Laws onto secondary producers (websites like Manhunt, Craigslist) to make them responsible for their users content and verify that it is age appropriate. Since primary producers need to keep the record, attempting to roll it out to other adult sites is a way for the government to enforce it without actually having to acknowledging. They’re attempting to take on any website that has adult content. Their “goal” is to affect people’s behavior.

The final though is “You might be able to get people to not run a stop light if a cop is standing there but if he’s not there enforcing it, people are going to do what they want.”

Q&A is next and my fingers are tired, I’ve been typing for way too long.

The podcast isn’t up yet, but as soon as it is I’ll give you a link so you can go hear it for yourself.
I hope you enjoyed this Live Blogging Event!

Check out these great sites:

Feast of Fools
Center on Halsted
Howard Brown Health Center
Life Lube
Life Lub Blog

I'm Officially A Model

My bestest girlfriend in the world came to town recently and she took some glamour shots of me, check them out HERE or by clicking on the picture.

Who knew?!?

Thursday, June 12, 2008

A Blogger Sighting in the Wild!

My friends Marc & Fausto of The Feast of Fools hosted a live Podcast this evening about Sex and the Information Highway.

I attempted to do a live blog post, but technical difficults kept me from my goal!

BUT, while I was there I had the opportunity to meet a hottie blogger - Pete of Pete The Blog. We took a picture together so I could prove I met him, but he wouldn't sign the waiver so you'll just have to take my word that we met!

Too bad we met at The Center on Halsted, I think a dark alley would have been a lot more fun!

Stop on over and check out Pete, you won't be disappointed!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

URAQT aka You Are A Cutie Lip Dub

I have been working diligently on my newest lip dub, and in fact I've got a couple that I'm already starting work on right now!

This past weekend we were going to try and have a video shoot with some of my friends, but unfortunately Mother Nature had other plans in store for us. So instead of having a Video Shoot Party we had a Storm Watch 2008 Party! Fun was had by all, but a video wasn't made so I was sad.

Regardless, below is my latest foray into further pushing my cause of embarrassing myself on the Interwebs as I Lip Dub (or Lip Synch) to M.I.A.'s URAQT.

I just want to give a shout out to my friend Paul for turning me on to M.I.A. and Yelle!

Recently I showed a co-worker my Miley Cyrus Lip Dub and she was so excited to share a song that she thought would be fabulous for me.

I listened to about 15 seconds of the song, looked her in the eyes and said "Sorry, I only do girls."

Can you believe that came out of my mouth?!?

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Interesting Facts about your Body

***Welcome Stubmler's & Mixx'rs, thanks for stopping by, I've got a whole lot of other stuff on my site, so I hope you take a minute to check it out. I've got Videos and tons of Photographs.....come back soon***

Interesting Human Body Facts

- The largest cell in the human body is the female egg, and the smallest is the male sperm.

- A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.

- It takes food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

- The attachment of human muscles to skin is what causes dimples.

- The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.

- A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

- If the average male never shaved, his beard would be 13 feet long when he died.

- Men with hairless chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.

- There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

- Side by side, 2000 cells from the human body could cover about one square inch.

- Women blink twice as much as men.

- The average person's skin weighs twice as much as their brain.

- When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate...they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate!

- Your ears secrete more earwax when you are afraid than when you

- Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

- If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

- The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.

You looked at your thumb.... Didn't you?

**If you liked this story, you might also enjoy this one about what 300 Calories Looks Like

**Update** Sorry if everyone feels that I've misled you, but I got this list in an email, so I just wanted to share with everyone. See what happens when good spam goes bad?

Here's something to make you smile and at least make your trip worth the effort:

Monday, June 02, 2008

I met a porn star and didn't even know it

I I had the extreme pleasure of enjoying IML last week with the Boys of The Feast of Fools. We had a great time running around the halls snapping photos, taking videos and interviewing people about their kinks and fetishes.

They just got their photos up on Flickr, so you should go check them out HERE.

As I was going through them this morning I found this one.....I met a Porn Star and didn't even know it.....I guess that's why I look so thrilled!

Sunday, June 01, 2008

A Sailing We Shall Go

A Sailing We Shall Go.....high ho the derriere a Sailing We Shall Go.

With me boat hook in me hand!

My lovely friend David from Loopy Fruit asked me a few weeks if I would like to help their friend "Southern Joe" move his sailboat from drydock to harbor.

Me being the silly queen that I am quickly said "sure, no problem" without really understanding what I was getting myself into. I hear "sailboat" I think cocktails on the deck while the butler brings me a Champagne. After I thought about that for a second, I knew that scene was totally unrealistic, it would have to be Kir Royal cocktails - that's more like it.

Once my mind came out of the clouds I decided to ask what this adventure would entail. "Oh it's just taking the boat down the Chicago River while they raise the drawbridges." Ooooh, I love when they raise the drawbridges, and last year I wanted desperately to go down and watch them, but I missed the day, so I jumped at the chance to do it this year but from the vantage point of the bow of a yacht!

So last Saturday morning, they picked me up at 6:15 am. Yes you read that correctly, 6:15am on a Saturday morning (needless to say, I literally got out of bed 5 minutes before they got there and threw my clothes on fireman style and everything.) We hustled our way down to the South Street Canal and find out that we can't go because there's a problem with the water pump on the engine. We'll have to do it next week. Mission Aborted.

This Saturday morning I got a bit of a lay-in as they picked me up at 6:45 because David's brother and his boyfriend weren't able to go today and we were being escorted to the boat by Southern Joe himself.

This morning the engine was acting appropriately and we set sail with 11 other sailboats as we migrated from the winter dock to the summer harbor space. In theory this sounds very easy, but in practice it's not.

Of the 8 years in Chicago, this is the first time that I have been on a sailboat and out on the lake, this was an offer that I couldn't resist, even if it came with a bright and early wake up call and a scrub brush in my hand as we washed the boat and got it ready for the seasons maiden voyage.

We got off about 15 minutes late when the first drawbridge went up at 8:30, do you have any idea how many drawbridges there are on the Chicago River. Go ahead guess, you'll probably be wrong. I think from the dry dock we were at there were 13 drawbridges. Thirteen, Three more than your toes, that's a lot of drawbridges, and believe me you, after you see the first one go up, well ok the second one, they're all the same.

You would think that this would be an orchestrated event so that the drawbridges would open in sequence in a quick order so that everyone including commuters and pedestrians could quickly resume their life. Again, in theory it sounds fabulous.

The boys were so excited because after we got through the first bridge, the second started going up and then the next one ----- three in a row. And then we sat, and went in circles for about 10 minutes, and then the next one etc, etc, but each time we stopped we had to do something differeint, could we make big donuts in the river waiting for the next bridge to go up, should we cling to the walls of the river with our boat hooks and hope we don't get pulled away with the wake.

We sat at one bridge for 20 minutes, we sat in front of the new Trump Tower for about 15 minutes, clinging to the wall while laying on the deck having small chat with a friend, talking about everything and nothing in particular. We watched the Canadian Geese and yelled "le honk" at them with our best french canadian accents, they didn't take the bait.

Finally our goal came into site, it was only two brides away - Columbus and Lake Shore Drive. By this time it was 11:30, we had been on the water for three hours.

Around 12:30 we made our way into the federally owned and lifejacket wearing required Chicago Harbor Lock a whole 4 hours after we started. I thought our journey was almost finished - boy was I wrong.

Now that we had made it this far, we had to take it for a spin. I mean who takes the motorcycle out of the garage to only wash it but never drive it. So I was thrust into being a sailor - not thurst into a sailor like I typically like I might add.

I grabbed ropes, pulled levers, turned cranks, tied off ropes and even wore gloves. The sails were loaded into their proper slots, things were tied off properly and with the turn of a crank we had turned off the motor and were under power of simply the wind.

We were pulled across Lake Michigan by the hidden winds that cause so much frustration in the winter when it's cold and wind blowing everywhere. We were laying on the deck of the boat, the sun directly ahead of us, blue skies surrounding us and looking back on a city of 7,000,000 people. At one point we passed a big cruise ship (one of the big double decker booze hound drinking trips) and I did my best Leonard deCaprio "I'm King of the World" imitation - I made a couple of the straight boys clap and yell!

We unfurled the furling something or other, let the wind grab us and it tore us across the water, at one point I could have sworn the boat was going to capsize as it quickly pulled over to one side and I almost had water in my shoes, I was freaked out a little bit. Well I was freaked out a lot a bit! Fortunately one of the other passengers was also freaked out so we leveled out and eventually turned our way back towards the city pulled in the sails and motored back to the boats summer mooring place North Papa 28.

Take a look at the photos HERE