Saturday, September 06, 2008

The Barbershop

I've been going to barbers for as long as I can remember. I've gone to "hair stylist" before, but that only works when you have long hair and I don't have long hair.

I've not had long hair since High School which can be seen by my Senior Picture
One of my Senior Portraits

I don't see the value in paying someone 35-40 to give me a buzz cut, so other than a few failed experiments of me thinking that growing my hair out would be a good idea, I've almost exclusively gone to barbers.

I've also almost exclusively (except for the times when I think that a shorter or longer hair style works) worn a flat top. I came to terms years ago that no matter how I cut my hair, the only way that "really looks best" is a flat top. I think it's the easiest thing for men to do, just pick a hairstyle and go with it. I mean look at Donald Trump - obviously he's made that decision. By choosing one hair style we don't need to make that daily decision: do I wear it up, do I wear it down, it doesn't matter because with a flat top I can leave the house and not even comb my hair.

The only problem with short hair is that it takes a lot of maintenance. Ok, I'll give you a second to grasp your pearls and let a shriek escape from your lips, but it's true. I have to get my hair cut every two weeks otherwise I look like The Shaggy DA. Short hair only looks good short, after two weeks I pass that stage of being a cactus and quickly turn into a bush. And believe me you, a flattop that grows out is not pretty, in fact crew cuts that grow out are not pretty (think Chia Pet), it's amazing how strangely your hair grows.

So thus, I am sitting in my favorite barber shop waiting my turn. It's a Saturday afternoon and there are 6 people ahead of me. But I don't mind because they have wireless access and I only live a block and a half from this place.

Barbershops are an interesting place, this one in particular because it is a very mixed crowd, well mixed in that it has a lot of gay and straight clients. The guys here are friendly, they all know your name (if you go there often enough) and you never have any idea what the conversation of the day will be when you sit in their chair. Even though they havev two big flat screens on the wall that play sports, they still have plenty of things for a boy to do whilst awaiting a haircut - magazines!!!!!!

They have a ton of magazines here from Vanity Fair to Maxim to the National Enquirer. Typically I'll spend my time catching up on the latest celebrity news by feverishly reading as many of the trash mags I can while I wait - because you know I would never buy them!!!!!

There is another magazine I like to read while I'm sitting in the waiting area.....Playboy! Now don't forget, back in the days when we had cable one of my favorite shows aws "The Girls Next Door" and I secretly enjoy straight porn so I like to look through Playboy and see what all the fuss is about. Ok, some of the articles are interesting, but Vanity Fair has just as good articles - oh wait VF is porn for women, I just figured it out.

But honestly, I like to look at the naked ladies as they're all sprawled out , wearing exactly what they entered this world wearing - NOTHING.

Ok, I'll also admit that gay boys are fascinated with boobs, vagina's not so much, but boobs - hell yeah. I guess it's because even though we're gay we like to pretend what we would do with them if we had them. The difference between us and straight men is that we want to play with them to just play with them and not play with them as a prelude to sex.

Yes, it's true, gay men can appreciate the beauty of women, i.e. Charlize Theron, Angelina Jolie (if she weren't a whore and husband stealer) or even Roseanne Baar (ok, I'm just kidding there). But we can appreciate a hot woman - the difference is, we just want to sit and play with their boobs - but we don't want to fuck them.

One thing still intrigues me though - the vagina, I just don't get it - and no offense - but I don't want to : -)

So what do you look at when you go to get your hair cut?


Rod said...

That is a cute picture Michael! I also had big hair in high school; it was this huge unruly fro. I now keep my hair super short, but did attempt to let it grow out in 2003 (it looked absolutely ridiculous - lol).

I used to go to Gabby’s barber shop on Clark street years ago. The guy who owns the place has a large gay cliental and I would often wait over an hour just so he could cut my hair. It was also fun to sit there and boy watch as we waited. It may sound silly, but there is also something very sexy about watching a guy get his hair cut (watching a guy shave it hot as well).

I stopped going to the barber after I finally taught myself how to use the clippers. Now there have been times that I really messed up the cut, but through trial and error, I have learned to maintain my buzz cut.

Yea, what is it about gay men and boobs? A couple years back my friend had a New Years Eve party and got totally smashed on Champagne. At the end of the evening, his curiosity got the best of him and asked this girl, with bodacious tatas, if he could squeeze them. She said yes and got felt up in front of rest the guests.

Antipo Déesse said...

You were such a handsome lad as a school boy Michael! OMG, if I had been in your class I would have tried to sit next to you so I could pass you naughty notes during Science classes....

I too LOVE breasts. Adore them. Have not yet felt up anybody else's sadly. The nearest thing I have had to lesbian experience was when I had to sew Vivi's bra from the inside. Much fun was had by all!

Andi said...

That was such a funny post Michael! All the way through I kept thinking "This post is going to end with a few disastrous hair pictures...." but no. You went right for the vagina! LOL

Quite frankly, all mine does is collect dust lately so I don't think even I want mine.

The boobs? I could give or take them.

CanadianSwiss said...

Very handsome, indeed.... But you still are :) And you're right, short hair needs much more maintenance than long hair.

BTW, isn't it normal (gay or straight) to appreciate the beauty of a human body, be it the opposite sex, or not?

The Big Finn said...

I shave my own head when I'm in the shower, so usually I'm just staring at myself in a little mirror I have hanging up on the shower wall. That's definitely not as fun as looking at boobies in a magazine at a barber shop. However, if I time things correctly and take a shower right after Mrs. TBF, I am often treated to the Mrs. TBF boobie show!

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, I have a bit of a thing about boobs too, only really big ones though, I'm mostly wondering how they manage to carry them around all day!

Marty Mouse said...

Great post! Something that always happens to me when getting a hair cut, is this calm, sleepy feeling when I feel the scissor cuts, or when I hear the buzz near my ears. Same thing happens if I get a rinse or shampoo. At that point, I'm just in heaven. Don't know why.

Also, I've always wondered what it would feel like to touch a flat top. Does the shape happen naturally at the ends, or do you put product to hold it that way? I have straight hair with no manageability (sp?), so I can't relate. Anyways, Michael, I think you look so hot with your flat top!!!!! Have you ever been mistaken for an armed forces man?

Yea, about the boobs... I've yet to touch some, but I agree with 'canadianswiss' about recognizing beauty in both sexes. Sometimes I can see an attractive girl or guy walking down the street and say wow, that is just beautiful. Its like an old guy I used to work with in a scenic shop told me long ago.... 'ugly is easy to sculpt, the less symmetry and deformation, the easier it is to make it, but beauty, now thats hard and requires thought and skill of a master carver'. He was right.

Kezza said...

I'm totally with you on the boob thing, they're great, I love a good set of titties, and somehow I've managed to surround myself with women who have the most incredible jugs. Good times!

The vaginal region on the other hand, kind of scares me. I'm all like: "I'm not going near that thing, look what it did to your penis!" I also know a young lass who has that area pierced and will take any opportunity to show it off. *shudder*

As for hair, well I don't look good with long hair, nor do I look good with short hair so as a result I pay way too much for a haircut I don't really like every time. Maybe I should go with something like your high school pic. That might work!

Michael said...

Rod - Hey good to see you again. I can't believe my hair was that big. I used to go to Gabby's but he's an a$$hole and I got tired of putting up with his BS just to get a good haircut...but I totally agree it was a great place to wait for a haircut.

Antipo - Ahh.... you're so sweet : -) Will you let me feel yours when we meet? It will of course be for scientific purposes only.

Andi - I learned from the best - Vah Jay Jay!

CanadianSwiss - I'm glad you think so, I always thought I looked like the biggest dork in the world.

TBF - I can just see you with the stopwatch now....

Andy - Yeah those big ones can be tortuous.

MartyMouse - Sometimes I can almost go to sleep in the chair. I think it has something to do with completly giving yourself up to something else, sort of like going to sleep. Because if you can't relax when a barber is cutting your hair, then who can you relax around.

Actually my hair is soft to the touch, I use a combo of wax and paste. I'm always jealous of those guys who have that super stiff hair. Lots of times people think I'm in the Military or a policeman.

That's a very cool quote.

Rod said...

Michael - It’s interesting that you are less than impressed with the owner of Gabby’s. I had a rude exchange with him many years ago. At the time I was about 60lbs heavier than I am now. I finally got into his chair after a long wait and he asked me how I want it cut. I said that I didn’t want it too short since I think short cuts don’t look good if you have a few extra pounds. He replied saying, “when then darling, you should just let it grow out” Talk about an a$$hole.

Xmichra said...

OMG.. Michael this was the funniest post ever.. hehe..

It was noce to know though, about the breat infatuation. Psychology teaches (sorry) that this is a norm because breasts are instinctively food/suckling objects. So it would make sense that both men and women would desire to touch them or play with them without sexual refrence. But that is the lesson for the day i suppose.. lol..

I typically make appointments for my hair cuts, but when i am forced to wait i read trash mags too. Usually people or US weekly if i can. Followed by Cosmo, that shit is steamy at the worst of times!

Andi said...

Oh, I *cough* borrowed a trashy Esquire Mag for Stella that had George Clooney on the cover the last time I went for my hair cutting......

Jamie W said...

OK, I've only asked one woman in my life to have sex, and it was because she had a rack of death. She politely declined, knowing even in high school, that I batted for the other team,(and catched too for that matter.)
But I digress. I just wanted to thank Michael for the barber plug. I needed a haircut, Father & Son's is a block away, so I gave them a try. Best haircut ever. Brought back memories of dad taking me to the barber in Coshocton, OH for my flat-top in what must have been the early 70's. I'll be back.

Michael said...

Rod - That's about the same kind of interaction I had with him. I sat in the chair one day, said "Good morning, how are you?" and he looked at me and said "Honey you don't need to entertain me." So I shut my mouth and never went back.

Xmichra - I'm glad you liked the post, that means a lot to me : -)

Hair Salons/Barbershops are the only place to read those types of mags, the ones you would never get caught with at home but secretly desire!

Andi - You are SUCH a good friend!

Jamie - Who cut your hair? You'll have to tell them that I sent you so I can ask about you...LOL!!!!

Ice John's World said...

You surely look different in that high school picture! I usully just close my eyes and rest and look at nothing during the hair cut!

Feast of Fools said...

Wow what a hunky photo you have!

Michael said...

Ice John - I like to do that sometimes too...there's just something relaxing about getting your hair cut.

Fausto/Marc - Surely you jest!